Umbrellas, the new mask.

With so much up in the air, umbrellas have naturally emerged as the go-too item.(Mariordo/Commons.wikimedia.org)

With wide arching arms, umbrellas cover so much. Now a masking option – despite the fact that they need careful handling and their point is always hidden waaaay above your head.

How delightful to disappear beneath one

A secret dome.

A cave sheltering from pirates.

An outpost on another planet.

An umbrella, a kid accessible escape module.

Never found Mary Poppins’ mode of transportation believable in the least. That bag much too heavy. She’d have rotator cup injuries.

Honestly, her flighty departures were probably foreshadowing of much in adulthood.

That’s the way the wind blows

A not so thinly disguised wish to flee or not let others see.

Useful at times.

Like in that Freshman English class –

During the era where it was standard procedure to have 50% of first semester students to fail that course.

The universal concept was if the student couldn’t write a decent paragraph or essay with ideas well stated in logical, coherent fashion using correct language and mechanics, that individual did not belong in higher education: Either unprepared, lazy, or stupid. No matter the reason, a failure would free up a slot for a student ready, willing, and able to learn at an intense pace and level.

High school teachers determinedly dug in. Threw all the possible writing scenarios at students during the senior year.

We were warned.

So when crammed into that room with the other first semester lumps, I waited in eager anticipation.

Farm-raised umbrella free ranging in nature. Something university students would appreciate. (Basotxerri/Commons.wikimedia.org)

What challenge would be flung at us? Bring it!

Would the instructor fling a tomato at the wall, whip around before abruptly darting out of the room, saying “There’s your topic.” (That urban rumor was legendary. Everyone swore it was true. We had been prepared.)

Her chalk screamed across the blackboard: “Write on ‘Why it is good to have a refrigerator.'”

And she sat down with her head over papers at a desk to wait.

The room shuffled nervously. What trick was this?

Noting the clock, I walked thoughts’ tightrope

To take this as a open-ended, no holds barred permission to be wildly creative?

To take the mundane, to twist, and fly with it like Mary Poppins?

Or is the umbrella simply an umbrella.

Intent and purpose can be easily masked. I was wary.

Opted for the basic umbrella essay pattern, which may be Plain Jane, but is functional and will not fold up on you no matter the torrent or deluge of red ink.

You know the one:

The start with a topic sentence (And never write “I think that” because you are writing the darn thing and therefore, everyone knows it’s what you think, so scratch those words out of that sentence. Hey, I am not your mother and will not be following you around for the rest of your life so listen to me!), pick three ideas that support your topic like the ribs of an umbrella keep it up, then write one or two supporting/explaining sentences under each subtopic/main point to act like the fabric between the umbrella ribs so it actually functions. Then once you’ve got a handle on that, finish with a strong closing restating your topic sentence.

The fall back position whenever you didn’t know what to do or where to start.

I think our schools had that invisibly tattooed on the back of our writing hands.

My paper was completed and turned in before the hour was up. No point to keep stabbing on it.

It got an “A”.

And I got the sinking feeling it was going to be a long boring semester.

A paragon of CDC approved social distancing who is demonstrating proper use of weather and umbrella to stay safe.  Of course he has on a mask. You stop at stop signs when there’s no traffic and no one can see, right? The same holds true of masks. Honor system.(Emmanuelkwizera/Commons.wikimedia.org)

You think adults know how to use all sorts umbrellas – and they do…

They still duck behind them and hide when useful.

Or when they want to pretend.

Or escape.

Like using the word “unacceptable”. An umbrella word covering so much, it’s trite, useless.

A word popularized by parents who were advised to never ever use negative words “bad”, “wrong”, “NO”, and “Don’t do that”.

Wishy-washy stupid.

A little kid has no clue what “unacceptable” means – or why they should care. Older ones just smirk.

A perfectly good word that has folded its’ meaning into “I don’t like what you are saying/doing”

Used as a shield by those either too chicken to say what they actually want or for cover while doing some political or social polka. Wimping out.

Vague by design. No specifics.

In reality, only a personal opinion.

The immediately response to any “unacceptable” heard ought to be, “Why? By whom? To whom? And exactly what is the criteria used to determining that?”

You might also add, “Who made you the High and Might Mucky-muck? You don’t seem to be able to convey a solid thought.”

But if you do, they may spin up as quickly as a you-can’t-reach-me Mary Poppins exit.

(Do you ever wonder if she dropped the bag or lost a solid footing shoe? Chances are…)

Between mask mandates and umbrellas, who can actually see people these days?

Covert operations?

Maybe just the new invisibility cloaking.

Flying and sighing under it all.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

That covers it. Just waiting on the next up-lifting breeze.Surely, Mary Poppins recommended long skirts and many petticoats in case parachuting is required.(USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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