Crackpot

“Should we tell them there’s an easier way – or just watch and enjoy the chaos?”(USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Be assured no coffee beans were harmed in this incident….although it became obvious that you can make coffee with a fork. (Some survival skills are more critical than others.)

Normally mornings are pretty routine here. Serene, even. A new day, you know…

But not when picking up the glass coffeemaker carafe, you notice a big crack spiderwebbing across the bottom. 

Arrrrgh! It was NOT there last night.

Either invasion of obese June bugs were drunkly having a rogue takeover like the teen show-off car drivers do at midnight in parking lots and roadways – 

Or there was a midnight catastrophe stirred up when the dish ran away with the spoon (Possible illicit affair cooking? One of them forgot to not rock out if you live in a glass house?)

Stranger things are happening: body image acceptance and all. Guess I should count the silverware. Maybe he was just a convenience to be tossed aside and left broken once she made her escape? That would really be top drawer, Babe.(C.Wood/Commons.wikimedia.org)

In any case the water was already poured in the coffee maker, and the ground coffee already measured into the filter, but cracking all efforts, was a disabled glass pot.

Staff is nothing if not problem solvers.

(The dog quickly shrugged and ran to the back) 

Look. It can’t be all that difficult.

All we had to do was: let the water heat up, filling the filter tank area until at “drip and serve” level, then reach under and push up on the “let go and flow” release valve (which would normally be pushed up by the carafe lid) while someone held a big mug under the opening so coffee could drain downward as it would normally if the glass carafe sat waiting there.

Easy peasy. Life would flow once cup at a time.

Optimism is not what it is cracked up to be.

Oh, realizing the steamy potential, Sr. Staff was not foolish enough to try and operate the valve with bare fingers. Not one who fell recently off the turnip truck, no.

A nice long fork would work to reach in and depress the button-size valve.

Voila! Fresh cup of coffee on hand.

Well, actually just fresh coffee on fingers.

Should have realized the scalding liquid would run downhill in the first and easiest path – just like a rain leak running down attic rafters – run right down the fork’s tongs onto the handle then scalding any fingers holding that. 

Hot. Hot. Hot. The dilemma: 

1. Drop the fork and run for cold water or ice (which would meant the drip valve would close and the coffee filter holding tank would overflow, and there would be much dancing and yelling trying to sop it up – for a seemingly never ending period of time. 
2. Or gut it up and grin with the pain as coffee cups were filled. (Oh, the promise of vast rewards!)
3. I did mention that coffee withdrawal had been setting in…..so you know the desperation. (Stop saying the “The dog is the smart one.”)  

Of course it could have been a serious kitchen flood event. You weren’t there! Neither was the dog. I think he took stock in the situation before grabbing his favorite toy and dashing to the back for safety.(USPD/Common.wikimedia.org)

As luck, not careful planning, would have it, there was a dish towel within reach of the resident Sr. Risk Taker, so Assistant Staff was able to drain off two mugs of coffee which lowered the coffee level in the coffeemaker, avoiding flooding the counter, cabinets, floor, bare feet…

(Don’t ask. Past experience…so who hasn’t forgotten to shove the glass carafe in after punching the coffee maker’s “On” button? Sometime you get distracted by one crisis or another. A phone call. Oatmeal boiling too vigorously. Stepping in the dog’s water bowl…)

Finally the martyr Sr. Staff (John Wayne tough) was persuaded the crisis had been averted, so now he could accept cooling treatment (no lingering damage other than redness.). 

Morning’s not always what it is crack up to be, but the cup’s always half full around here.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

And there was much merriment once the new coffee maker arrived later that afternoon. Even the little dog joined in. Odd: an entire new coffee maker is only $20.00 more than a replacement glass carafe? Something’s seriously cracked and outta kilter there. (USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org

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