Cross eyed. Crosswise. Crossed out.

Seriously on the ropes here. And there better be some high value chicken feed at the end of this. Chicks do not appreciate cracked nails.” (postcard/USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Urban myths and rumors are so entertaining. And face it, this summer, even a chicken would cross the road for a worm hole of amusement

• Everyone knows face masks are a government plot to kill people off.

It’s YouTube and the Internet, so it must be true: “That little wire in the top edge of those masks is really a 5G antennae that will send brain damaging impulses to your brain causing terminal cancer.”

Seriously? I’ve heard many excuses for unmasking but …. (Video / read more here.)

Yeah, all that time spent in school studying science has really paid off…..

(Which is why that lovely, soft spoken, life style counselor giving advice about how to deal with someone in a public place who is not wearing a mask might want to rethink her suggestion to “Go up and calmly explain the science to them…” Then you can calmly pick yourself up off the floor for poking your nose in other people’s business. Like it hasn’t been explained in multiple languages ad nauseam…A real save-your-life coach would suggest, “Everyone is cranky. Don’t go looking for trouble. Just quickly mega-social distance as far away as possible.”)

The updated paranoid mask rumor suggests the wires are personal tracking devices….”Can you hear me now? How about now?”

“You are getting sleepy…sleepy…sleepy…” Those little dots simply thought control receivers to assist the wearer in making only appropriate verbal messages. So much better than awkward bullhorns. Prototype perfection expected prior to Presidential debates.(USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

• Talk about paranoid. Hurricane Katrina really brought some of that out a few years back

Displaced New Orleans victims were offered rooms on cruise ships to live in, but refused them. Gee, most people pay a lot of money for those accommodations normally and FEMA thought people would be thrilled, but no.

Rumors were flying wildly that people would be loaded up, then transported and dumped off in another country.

Had to be result of water on the brain.

Actually it was – the memory of it anyway.

“Cruise ships spurred by Evacuees” (New York Times)

“Tab for using cruise ships as shelter criticized” (Houston Chronicle)

Couple from 1916, “The Waiters’ Ball”. What else do people do when bored and waiting around? Have a ball making prank calls. And see, it’s not an urban myth: phone books actually existed…after a while, forests, not so much though. (USPDl/Commons.wikimedia.org)

• Then there’s the classic old prank that was popular during summers back when there was one phone in the house and it was connected to the wall by a wire.

A randomly selected phone number from the phone book (That’s sort of a paper print version of Google) was dialed by the kid with the most grown up sounding voice.

“Hello, I am with SW Bell and we are experiencing problems with phones in your area. Do you see the drooping phone lines outside your house?” (Phone lines between houses always drooped) “Please give a sharp tug on the line between your phone and the wall to help reduce the slack and tighten the lines. Oh, that seems to have helped, but not enough. Please stand by the wall outlet and throw the phone across the room as hard as you can”

As I am told, – it is an urban rumor after all – that the callers could chortle with laughter as they heard a clump and the phone signal snapped dead.

Stupid boy trick. Sigh.

That prank totally antiquated now.

But never fear, there’s always tormentor friendly Facebook and Twitter. (Snap to that)

Also antiquated are trained chicken acts at tourist roadside stops. This one would hand you a postcard – for a price. With so many people traveling in RVs this summer, you have to wonder if Burma-Shave signs and those promising views of the Amazing Two-headed Snake will reappear.(postcard/USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Let’s blame all the summer hyperbole and hyperactivity on comets. After all, they’re used to it.

Just take a look at some of the plaintiffs:

Julius Caesar, Napoleon, Pope Callixtus III, Incas, Noah, the Boers in South Africa, the Alamo, Battle of Hastings, Mark Twain, that earthquake causing the Mississippi River to flow backwards, the Chicago Fire Department (The comet made her do it!), even the start of another ice age….

“Humans have feared/blamed comets and other Celestial Phenomena Through the Ages” (NASA) and (list’s additional source here)

Did you see the Comet NEOWISE (photo gallery)?

“MOMMY, MOMMY, I saw the VOMIT!” – Anonymous 4-year old

Everything considered, that kid’s comment might make a good “I survived the Summer of 2020” t-shirt

Hopefully the Ice Age thing can be crossed off as a one time comet event.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge

“I’ve seen some whackadoodle stuff during my time, but the dunderheads wilding around now? Well, even I’m not stone faced any more. Got some spare room in case they come for me?”(© image. Boston.)

 

 

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