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July 13, 2020 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Cross eyed. Crosswise. Crossed out.

Chicken performer. Graceful Gertie tight rope artist. TIchnor Brothers psotcard. (USPD. artist life,

Seriously on the ropes here. And there better be some high value chicken feed at the end of this. Chicks do not appreciate cracked nails.” (postcard/USPD/

Urban myths and rumors are so entertaining. And face it, this summer, even a chicken would cross the road for a worm hole of amusement

  • Everyone knows face masks are a government plot to kill people off.

It’s YouTube and the Internet, so it must be true: “That little wire in the top edge of those masks is really a 5G antennae that will send brain damaging impulses to your brain causing terminal cancer.”

Seriously? I’ve heard many excuses for unmasking but …. (Video / read more here.)

Yeah, all that time spent in school studying science has really paid off…..

(Which is why that lovely, soft spoken, life style counselor giving advice about how to deal with someone in a public place who is not wearing a mask might want to rethink her suggestion to “Go up and calmly explain the science to them…” Then you can calmly pick yourself up off the floor for poking your nose in other people’s business. Like it hasn’t been explained in multiple languages ad nauseam…A real save-your-life coach would suggest, “Everyone is cranky. Don’t go looking for trouble. Just quickly mega-social distance as far away as possible.”)

The updated paranoid mask rumor suggests the wires are personal tracking devices….”Can you hear me now? How about now?”

Woman's portrait of Ella Raines/Life mag. vol.16, number 9/TIme Inc; Walters Sanders/USPD. artist life,

“You are getting sleepy…sleepy…sleepy…” Those little dots simply thought control receivers to assist the wearer in making only appropriate verbal messages. So much better than awkward bullhorns. Prototype perfection expected prior to Presidential debates.(USPD/

  • Talk about paranoid. Hurricane Katrina really brought some of that out a few years back

Displaced New Orleans victims were offered rooms on cruise ships to live in, but refused them. Gee, most people pay a lot of money for those accommodations normally and FEMA thought people would be thrilled, but no.

Rumors were flying wildly that people would be loaded up, then transported and dumped off in another country.

Had to be result of water on the brain.

Actually it was – the memory of it anyway.

“Cruise ships spurred by Evacuees” (New York Times)

“Tab for using cruise ships as shelter criticized” (Houston Chronicle)

1916 couple using phone (from 1916 film, "The Waiters' Ball". Keystone Film Co./, artist life, publicity still/

Couple from 1916, “The Waiters’ Ball”. What else do people do when bored and waiting around? Have a ball making prank calls. And see, it’s not an urban myth: phone books actually existed…after a while, forests, not so much though. (USPDl/

  • Then there’s the classic old prank that was popular during summers back when there was one phone in the house and it was connected to the wall by a wire.

A randomly selected phone number from the phone book (That’s sort of a paper print version of Google) was dialed by the kid with the most grown up sounding voice.

“Hello, I am with SW Bell and we are experiencing problems with phones in your area. Do you see the drooping phone lines outside your house?” (Phone lines between houses always drooped) “Please give a sharp tug on the line between your phone and the wall to help reduce the slack and tighten the lines. Oh, that seems to have helped, but not enough. Please stand by the wall outlet and throw the phone across the room as hard as you can”

As I am told, – it is an urban rumor after all – that the callers could chortle with laughter as they heard a clump and the phone signal snapped dead.

Stupid boy trick. Sigh.

That prank totally antiquated now.

But never fear, there’s always tormentor friendly Facebook and Twitter. (Snap to that)

icken performer. The CLucking Clerk. (USPD: Brothers post card in Boston P.Lib/

Also antiquated are trained chicken acts at tourist roadside stops. This one would hand you a postcard – for a price. With so many people traveling in RVs this summer, you have to wonder if Burma-Shave signs and those promising views of the Amazing Two-headed Snake will reappear.(postcard/USPD/

Let’s blame all the summer hyperbole and hyperactivity on comets. After all, they’re used to it.

Just take a look at some of the plaintiffs:

Julius Caesar, Napoleon, Pope Callixtus III, Incas, Noah, the Boers in South Africa, the Alamo, Battle of Hastings, Mark Twain, that earthquake causing the Mississippi River to flow backwardsthe Chicago Fire Department (The comet made her do it!), even the start of another ice age….

“Humans have feared/blamed comets and other Celestial Phenomena Through the Ages” (NASA) and (list’s additional source here)

Did you see the Comet NEOWISE (photo gallery)?

“MOMMY, MOMMY, I saw the VOMIT!” – Anonymous 4-year old

Everything considered, that kid’s comment might make a good “I survived the Summer of 2020” t-shirt

Hopefully the Ice Age thing can be crossed off as a one time comet event.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge

Historic Boston lion guardian. Ole North Church area (© image:copyrighted, no permissions granted, all rights reserved)

“I’ve seen some whackadoodle stuff during my time, but the dunderheads wilding around now? Well, even I’m not stone faced any more. Got some spare room in case they come for me?”(© image. Boston.)




Leave a Comment
  1. shoreacres / Jul 13 2020 7:13 am

    Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get away from the conspiracy theorists.
    Q: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? A: Who knows, and who cares?
    Q: Why do we call cowards ‘chickens’? A: No one who’s encountered a mad wet hen every does.

    And so on. Let’s hear it for the chickens of the world! They seem to be smarter than some humans!

    Liked by 2 people

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jul 13 2020 7:48 am

      Here I thought the chickens were trying to escape the suburbanites who think fashion outfits on chickens is just so cute…
      The whole thing another example why schools should open so people have something to do besides trying to go viral on social media?
      Chickens running around with their heads cut off. They really do that. As well as perform quite well as attack animals…
      Thanks for scratching up a grain of truth!


  2. easyweimaraner / Jul 13 2020 8:28 am

    so it was a comet what caused katrina? I always feel uncomfy, because that’s my name… but it wasn’t me…


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jul 13 2020 11:53 am

      It wasn’t O’Leary’s cow either in Chicago. HAHA
      (I have a version of the same name – whyyyyy. I didn’t lay down with any dogs and still got the flees – to adjust a phrase)
      Thanks for digging up a comment to leave.


  3. Curt Mekemson / Jul 13 2020 9:21 am

    That bird flapping across the rope could hardly be considered a chicken! Maybe it was the result of a triple-dog-dare. On the other hand, crossing over a rope with flappable wings is much easier than crossing over without. I’ve used many a log to cross over a raging creek or river where I wished I would have had wings! And, last but not least, whackadoodle is a word I can totally support. 🙂 –Curt


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jul 13 2020 11:57 am

      You remember the Super Chicken hero on tv? (“alter-ego of wealthy Henry Cabot Henhouse III”)
      OH how much these younger kids have missed.
      (You know the cardinal important rule about crossing log bridges, right? “Always send the big dog across first”…instigated after my dad didn’t once – only broken arm ever in the family despite the wild rough rural life HAHA)
      Thanks for swooping in with a comment


      • Curt Mekemson / Jul 14 2020 11:51 am

        Peggy always wants me to go across first. 🙂
        Super Chicken came after my TV watching days! I missed it too, grin.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. disperser / Jul 13 2020 11:56 am

    It didn’t take long for me to realize my assumption that rational discussions would always win the day was pure fantasy . . . not that I ever gave up trying.

    I now use rational discussions as a litmus test of sorts; if people can string together a few rational arguments into a semi-cogent thesis in support of their cause, I’ll give them a listen because I might learn something.

    It’s surprising how many seemingly smart people fail the test. And always, one conspiracy or another at the root of it.

    Sadder still, it’s now migrated into television and print media, even to what used to be reputable venues. Radio, of course, was lost years ago. And the Internet . . . well, that just went from birth to full-on bat-shit crazy.

    Liked by 2 people

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jul 13 2020 12:02 pm

      Bats are insulted. Perhaps that is why they’ve downloaded the virus…
      An unbridled imagination may the Achille’s heel of humans
      You are part of an increasingly disappearing rare breed, I fear.
      Thanks for hanging around here.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. disperser / Jul 13 2020 12:03 pm

    And, of course . . .

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jul 13 2020 1:14 pm

      That video deserves a post all its’ own.
      No cluck. Outstanding.
      And of course there’s this (Can’t go to tubing or to New Braunsfel or Octoberfest without…

      Liked by 1 person

      • disperser / Jul 13 2020 3:22 pm

        At my sister’s wedding, the food was late (not that anyone cared because of the snacks and open bar) so she went to the dance floor with a few friends, and started the chicken dance . . . with many people soon joyning in. I don’t remember much of the reception (I was doing photography duty) but I do remember the dance.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Trent Lewin / Jul 13 2020 7:49 pm

    God you’re weird… I’ve missed you.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Kate Crimmins / Jul 14 2020 7:15 am

    So those metal bars on the top of masks are evil. Hmmm. Here I thought they helped to stop fogging glasses and slipping down. I’ll have to tap out SOS on mine and see what happens.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jul 14 2020 10:07 am

      I wonder if you fold and hum on it like a kazoo if some shiny dark windowed black suburban will suddenly drive up…HA Ha
      Sunglasses are great for sun, but not at all designed to deal with the fogging issues…may have to get in the ski box and dig out the goggle fog stuff. (Now that would be ironic – and sad – 100% and the ski stuff?)
      Let me know if you get a return signal on your wired SOS.
      Thanks for wrapping a comment around they post

      Liked by 1 person

  8. SaaniaSparkle 🧚🏻‍♀️ / Jul 14 2020 7:57 am

    Nice blog



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