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June 20, 2014 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Slight paws in action.

Enough assembled? Oh, enough present. They love to gossip.

This shall give them something to talk about.

What are you doing? That was not the introduction to a song and dance. Be still.

Our nerves are jumbled enough without seeing what you are trying to pass off as dancing. Jerky.

No not jerky dog treats! Stop sitting.

Stop drooling.

Oh, honestly. Sit. Out of the way is good.

1919 film. Vintage actress May Allison /US

Do We look calm and collected? Good. Then We proceed.

All mumbling and complaining about the early hour  applause and adoration must cease!

Oh. Quickly and well done.


We requested this sudden audience for a brief update of the recent incident.

Some of you may have heard.

It was certain loud enough. The ruckus afterwards as well.

Firstly, We wish to assure all that it is not as bad as imagined.

Even We Ourselves thought Chicken Little could actually be right for a moment.

As it turned out, it was one of Staff, not the sky, that was falling.

Secondly, We must report that despite rumors, the Molly is blameless. Not responsible in the least.

In the dark, Staff was unaware the Molly was not that lump on the floor and was in no danger of being crushed.

Twisting wildly to avoid clothing, losing balance, crashing against objects, and bouncing across the wood floor was entirely unnecessary.

Most inconvenient.

Vintage film star May Allison.Press photo.Bain collection,Lib.of Congress/US

We are waiting. Our mousies need counting. We suppose We must now train the Molly to open things for Us? Really? (Bain collection,LOC/US

Kitchen Staff must now not only manage Our workload, but also soothe the one in pain and cranky.

Procedures shall be considered to prevent another occurrence.

It is Our duty to protect and nurture all of the Realm, even bumbling dunderheads Staff.

One possibility would involve insisting Staff remain in a safe location during dark periods.

Sadly, humans genetically lack useful night vision.

One wonders how they made it thus far along.

Only due to those such as Ourselves who pity them, We suppose.

We are in conference with the Molly over a potential solution.

Taking a bit of persuasion.

The Molly is reluctant to give up her large crate.

Although it is not currently in use, she seems attached to it. Seeks shelter there when afraid, confused or worried she cannot control her manic behavior mouth and large paws. Totally voluntary. With door open.

A self-control behavior device? We think it is more a place to hide toys from Us.

(We occasionally wish to examine toys – only to make sure they are suitable and safe to use. No other reason. Really. Of no other interest in those).

We also suspect she revels in having a place where no one is allowed to intrude.

It is unconscionable that the Molly would put her own selfish power trip feelings over the safety and well-being of Staff.

Other options are being explored. Do not worry.

House that Jack Built by Randolf Caldecott /US PD: artist life/

We are taking a tutorial in Chiropractic techniques. Observe a practice exercise.(R.Caldecott/USPD/

We wish to assure all subjects, that while there may be slight disruptions or a slowing in service, the Realm is secure and functioning.

Now We shall close so all may return to their normal dull daily lives with confidence.

What? Some odd clump on Our cheek?

How embarrassing. We were in such a rush, you must understand.

The whole morning became topsy-turvy. Tiny details bound to be over looked.

No! No! No doggy assistance. No slobbery doggy assistance requi-

Oh, well. Good intentions, Molly, but in the future We are quite capable of Our own grooming – even in a crisis.

Does anyone have a small towel? Please?

Ah, yes. A clean pants leg works just fine.

We shall withdraw now. Alone.

The paw is waving! Adieu!

You have Our permission to withdraw.


And don’t forget to leave an open can of food in the doorway as tribute.






I am RC Cat and I approve this message.

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Attend your first audience here

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No permissions granted. All rights reserved. copyrighted

The trials We must endure. Sigh. Suppose this means Staff will require a nap. Such delicate creatures. Why can’t they be more like cats. Always land on their feet?©









  1. katecrimmins / Jun 20 2014 6:33 pm

    Hope no one was injured too badly. After all there are critters to attend to.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 20 2014 6:53 pm

      RC Cat: “One time hard headedness would seem to be good? Couch time has been awarded, but not accepted. We shall shortly insist on quiet rest by jumping into lap or lounging on computer rendering it overly warm. Mouse Staff is getting too tired running back and forth accommodating requests. We must insist energy be conserved. Afterall, as you say, it will be afternnon snack time soon, then dinner time and then, dessert snack time, and then late night snack,and then…
      Oh, but I drift on. You must excuse the laps. Exhaustion from interrupted slumber. Perhaps We should nap now. Yes, how kind of you to let yourself out. A paw wave. A weak one, but convention must be kept. How kind of you to tip toe quietly…Staff,the one with the bonked head, has a headache…and seems intent to be giving samples of it to all? Paw wave. O, already gave one. Nevermind. You shall have two today for your kindness.”


  2. eloisedesousa / Jun 20 2014 6:55 pm

    Brilliant ,


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 20 2014 9:46 pm

      RC Cat: “Yes, yes, my dear. Many are at a loss of words upon their first glimpse of the Realm. We strive, to be humble – as an example to Our subjects. We graciously award one soft cheek pat for your kindness. You may tell your friends. They shall be so impressed – and jealous. YEs. Yes. Now off with you!”


  3. Paul / Jun 20 2014 7:11 pm

    I don’t envy you the constant responsibility of caring for the Realm, RC Cat. It must be very tiring and trying keeping the Realm organized and running smoothly. Even after-hours spills require your attention. I’m glad that Molly was exonerated. Well, I’ll let you get back to your ruling/napping. May many mousies present themselves for your immediate gratification.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 20 2014 10:16 pm

      RC Cat. “We had not planned to spend today searching for helpful products. These skate board elbow and knee pads look promising. More investigation is needed before deciding between football helmets and baseball battering helmets. It would be nice if one ear on staff was available to hear Us if We called for assistance or midnight treats.
      Although the Molly wasn’t even around, she is quite worried people are mad at her. She didn’t mean any harm when rushing in with encouraging dog licks. Such sensitivity.
      Ah, well, how kind of you to drop by. Sadly, We must wave the paw. You mentioned mousies which reminded Us that a mousie count is overdue. A cheery wave, to speed you on your way!”


  4. Carrie Rubin / Jun 20 2014 7:37 pm

    Ouch! So sorry to hear about the fall. I broke my foot once to avoid landing on my toddler. Not fun. Hope all heals well!


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 20 2014 9:54 pm

      RC Cat: “Low life, I mean those close to the floor appear to be quite hazardous to humans. We have suggested Staff utilize those bike helmets for other activities such as sleeping and wandering around at night. Staff must be more dim witted than usual as they are pretending not to hear. Between Us, We are concerned about Mouse – she regularly runs past saying “Let me see your pupils.” But this is not a children’s boxing establishment and there is no class here – well, there is of course, class, but not the crayon kind. Sigh. Why won’t they nap? It is getting quite tiring. A languishing paw wave. Such a good friend will understand the exhaustion. Cheery bye!”


  5. roughseasinthemed / Jun 20 2014 8:16 pm

    Is this sort of thing catching over the internet? My boys roll their eyes. If they manage four legs why can’t some of us manage with a mere two. Or maybe four legs good, two legs bad? Or well …


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 20 2014 10:07 pm

      RC Cat “One thing We can agree with Pippa and Snowy on. A puzzlement how they fall over so much. And make such a to-do about it all. A normal cat would crawl off and heal themselves without bothering others. No taking responsibility for themselves but loudly complaining and moaning. There might be throwing, except injured’s shoulder is not allowing that.
      And We are concerned Mouse is becoming irrational: She keeps saying “No napping. No sleeping!” and annoying the injured staff. We feel it’s going to be a long night. Luckily We know an unaccessible dark spot. Perhaps Pippa can dictate words worthy of a self help book: “Do Not Go Bump in the Night or Fall Far”? We must beg forgiveness for Our brief conversation. So much to keep an eye on. A brave paw wave to you and those of your realm.”


  6. Beth / Jun 21 2014 12:43 am

    RC, your understanding and quick call to action after being roused so unceremoniously in the middle of the night is just another sign of your benevolence. Staff will doubtlessly recover more fully.knowing you are taking care of things by readdressing the Realms protocols and procedures. Here’s wishing Staff a speedy recovery, so they can return to their duties.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 21 2014 1:11 am

      RC Cat: “What? What? Oh, We are still awake! We seemed to have nodded off. Was a snail here? Did a snail sneak in unnoticed – there seems to be some odd smear…No! It is not drool.The idea.
      It’s been such a trying day. The Molly huddling looking for reassurance. Even after eluding the Molly We must be alert for a fast moving Mouse hurrying with ice packs and the like. As happy as We are to see you, We fear We this must be a brief audience due to exhaustion. Your kind words do cheer Us. With great effort We are waving – a broad wave on tippy toes so you can see from your realm. Cheery thanks!”


  7. EllaDee / Jun 21 2014 6:06 am

    RC Cat, begging pardon for the interruption to request you convey to the Mouse and the injured party my sympathies & empathies as I have incurred not falls but rather an assortment of bruises in negotiating household space and fittings [both without and with certain parties underfoot]… as although humans have the benefit of opposable thumbs we lack the elegant agility or night vision of your kind. I’m pleased that you and Molly weren’t involved in the incident… both for your wellbeing and because someone has to man the fort. Throwing mousies, bowing low and exiting.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 23 2014 1:36 pm

      RC Cat: “We graciously welcome your astute observations. Now perhaps Staff will understand why We worry so when they leave the realm. There are curbs and large moving things. Squirrels do not fare so well – and they live out there. We shall continue Our current method for keeping them inside the realm by making sure we create plenty of things that need doing here. Hairballs strategically placed seems to have some success. Purrhaps We shall contact Granny about the usefulness of biting ankles. Oh, Mousie soccer. We do so love the games. A quick paw wave – We plan to go for a goal while you are distracted. Score!”


  8. Ally Bean / Jun 21 2014 1:55 pm

    As one who used to be a bumbling dunderhead Staff Member, I understand how unfortunate this situation must be for all concerned. Please know that my thoughts are with you during this difficult time.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 23 2014 1:41 pm

      RC Cat: “It appears We shall have to be more vigilant around Staff if they show signs of tumbling over easily. He appears to be less for wear with some bruises along with the injured shoulder. Luckily, Our cat food is not heavy so no worries about disrupted feeding times. We know all must have been concerned over that. Also lucky is that it is so darn hot outside that the Molly is contented to sleep most of the time. We cannot have Staff pulled around if injured. So the Molly being considerate and is doing her part to help. A gentle ankle pass for your kindness.”


  9. Roy Sexton (Reel Roy Reviews) / Jun 21 2014 3:18 pm

    this is fabulous – sounds like the chaos in our home on a daily basis


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 23 2014 1:43 pm

      RC Cat: “There is nothing as interesting as being in a realm where there’s always action going on. Here, We would prefer Staff avoid playing slip’n slide at night on the hardwood floors. They seem a bit awkward. Added practice not preferred, though. A cheery paw wave for your lovely realm!”


  10. Trent Lewin / Jun 22 2014 5:30 pm

    Dude, you are so weird… I would love to see you write fiction (I don’t think this is fiction as it is), that would be epic.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 23 2014 1:47 pm

      RC Cat: ” Yes, yes, the Realm is alway wild and wonderful. But fiction? We do not feel you could handle the fiction! What? Yes, by truth, that is the way the quote goes. We apologize for Staff’s blundering remarks. Banging of heads does create issues with thinking…although We do wonder if they actually do ever think. Ah well, the week begins – a cheery paw wave to ease you on your way. That way. out. The paw has waved. Perhaps not so cheery this time? Nonsense. We are always cheery. Waving again.”


  11. heretherebespiders / Jun 23 2014 8:36 pm

    Lawsy. What humans will do to avoid disturbing the royalty! Really hope you are okay, sounds quite nasty.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 24 2014 1:24 pm

      RC Cat: “He swears he thought the lump was the Molly. Nonsense. Smells entirely different. But We must remember humans are hindered by poor senses. And apparently not able to think in the dark either. Do you suppose We should order some of those bright orange blinking construction lights the highway department uses? Staff is stalling on the use of helmets at all times.
      Slowly mending although We wish it was faster. Mouse, too, as she has to tend to much more now. Appreciate your concern. A steady paw wave. (See how brave we are – strength in crisis!) Adieu.”


  12. PiedType / Jun 24 2014 6:24 am

    Ouch! Hope recovery is well underway.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 24 2014 1:30 pm

      RC Cat:”It was much too much excitement for so early. We were almost rolled off the bedcovers in Mouse’s haste to discover what happened. Perhaps We shall investigate tutoring for staff on the natural ways to fall and land on feet. Although that might be difficult as staff only has 2 feet to manage yet still topple over. Maybe removing all hard edged furniture and purchasing only beanbags? Sigh. Humans are so difficult to care for. A cheery paw wave for your kindness.”


  13. jmmcdowell / Jun 25 2014 8:31 pm

    Oh, no! I hope the recovery is well-underway and that some order has been restored in the realm!


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 26 2014 8:19 pm

      RC Cat: Sr Staff is finding not being able to do normal activities is must annoying (and still painful – apparently for 6-9 months recovery…much too long to tolerate sleep deprivation)…Mouse must adopt cat naps – as odd as that sounds! We shall be happy to demonstrate. We shall invite you to also learn this refreshing hobby. All snuggle in now. All softly murrmurr: zzzzzz. Softly, then if you must depart. Gentle sloooow relaxing paw wave awarded.


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