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June 18, 2014 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Exactly. What’s needed.

No permission granted. All rights reserved. Copyright

When everything works as it should, everything works. ©

Never enough energetic ready-to-go adults around, so how great to discover this!

Didn’t know it was there. (You probably didn’t either.)

If they hadn’t been robbed last night, the secret would have been kept quiet.

(Who says crime doesn’t pay and benefit the community?)

police at scene. click2houston.com

And you thought this was all made up.

The Adult Store was shocked last night when four masked men barged in shooting at the ceiling and, then, demanding the clerk’s wallet.

The clerk coughed it up.

Not surprising. He deals with adults.

Must have gotten some advice from them once in a while.

The robbers really should have stayed around.

They obviously need some adult guidance.

Tin Ceiling. Joe Mabel:Commons.wikimedia.org)

This tin ceiling may look a bit shady and worse for wear, but how dangerous can it be? (Joe Mabel/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Eager to demonstrate their worth, the store’s sample Adults might have told them shooting ceilings is unnecessary.

1. Ceilings don’t move. Don’t threaten. Totally non-aggressive. True they sometimes fall, but that’s usually due to being old or defective. Not intentionally harming anyone.

2. Ceilings do not have wallets or access to the safe.

3. Ceilings do not talk to cops. It’s the video cameras that’s to blame for those picture. Not ceilings. Put the blame and hate where it deserves to go.

4. No doubt, at least one reasonable adult would have explained that guns are for self-defense only and it’s not right to steal things from hard-working people.

Adults are supposed to straighten things out.

Give stern advice and instructions as needed.

But they do get worn out.

1953. Screenshot.Howco Prod."Mesa of Lost Women".US PD:pub.date/Commons.wikimedia.org

Listen kid, the next time you have a school project due, please try to remember before 11 o’clock at night and all the stores are closed. (1953.US PD:pub.date/Commons.wikimedia.org)

So how great is it that there’s a store full of them ready, willing, and able? 

Who thought of this?

Is this Adult Store doing a “soft” roll-out to avoid a mobbed crush as people learn it exists and is fully stocked?

(If so, Nike should take lessons.)

They say it’s part of a chain. Oh, joy!

This company must understand the demand for adults is growing.

Who couldn’t use an extra adult as backup?

Just think of the potential: “Son, it’s not me saying you can’t go to the party – it’s him!”

Never enough adults around.

Reinforcements on the way?

Not a moment too soon.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

Honey, that new pet food you bought, did it come from China? Uh, you go in there and make the bed.  No, you go....

Honey, that new pet food you bought, did it come from China? Uh, you go in there and make the bed.
No, you go. Don’t wimp out. Be an adult….      ©

 

 

 

 

 

 


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27 Comments

  1. colonialist / Jun 18 2014 9:07 pm

    Who’d want to buy an adult? Kids are cuter, and puppies cuter still.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 19 2014 12:52 am

      Tons of those KidzRus and BabiesRus places already. That market may be saturated? (chortle) Thanks for shopping comment ideas in these aisles

      Like

  2. Paul / Jun 19 2014 4:05 am

    First of all, as much as it appears to us non-robbers (myself included) that ceilings are blameless, I am starting to doubt this. After all, so many ceilings get shot during the commission of crimes, that someone out there must know somethng that they are not sharing. Think about it, if the ceiling actually is watching and can fall in and then return to it’s pre-incident orientation, how would we ever know? Who would suspect? It would be a perfect crime – provided it was always lethal. Just waiting and waiting for an opportunity to get the bad guys all alone – then, BAM! Down and back up and no one the wiser. My Grandma used to say, when really bad things happend: “And then the ceiling fell in.” This fits our theory perfectly. I always give creedence to the wisdom of my elders.

    Second, even if the bad guys knew that they were safe from the ceiling with a few warning shots and keeping the robbee close (knowing that the ceiling wouldn’t harm an innocent), there is still the fact that I know from personal exprience (with the names changed to protect the guilty), that those “adults” are all inflatable. That would mean that any stray bullets could easily ruin the booty gained from the robbery. It is possible to tell if such an unfortunate happenstance occurs, if a tire store is robbed shortly thereafter, and their supply of tire patches is stolen.

    So, it may seem that an extra adult could be of assistance when Molly and RC Cat are in potential attack mode – but one swipe of the claws will soon delflate your expectations. Just a loud PSSSST and a frantic death thrashing about the room and RC and Molly would be the victors.

    Great post Phil and paw waves to RC and Molly.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 19 2014 2:40 pm

      Some say it’s important to “keep a ceiling on things”. Perhaps they and Grandma are right.Ceiling tiles could tell tales. They could be building to something more.Or they could be, as you suggest, retiring for some less than lofty purpose. With ceiling often out of reach, best use caution de-lighitng them. Don’t want to be left in the dark with things floating overhead. HRH RC Cats offers a nod at your appreciation that this topic truly belonged in her realm instead of staff’s…but you know how they are…
      Thanks for shooting over a comment

      Like

  3. EllaDee / Jun 19 2014 5:24 am

    I wonder can I take faulty adults of my acquaintance to the Adult Store and swap them for new ones who don’t annoy.
    Leave the windows open so the alien space ship can return the real Molly & RC… I’m pretty sure they’ll want to.

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    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 19 2014 2:47 pm

      Now there’s a fresh market: trade-ins! Darn this company is smart. No wonder they opening up quietly not to draw attention – real concerns about mobs rushing in for service.
      (HRH RC Cat rewards a distinct nod as you obviously recognized that staff hasn’t enough capacity to handle things such as this. But it is summer and she must delegate to allow more refreshing cat naps. Oh, please excuse the tiny yawn. It’s the heat, She assures, not the company. Really. Languishing paw wave!)

      Like

  4. roughseasinthemed / Jun 19 2014 7:07 am

    Interesting to see a sport match result underneath the details of the robbery.

    I wonder if they do buy one get one free offers. Or other types of promotion? I hope you can take faulty ones back. In fact thinking about Ella Dee’s suggestion, you good buy a good adult (is there such a thing), keep it, but take a faulty one in and swap that for a good one. Creating your own buy one get one free in fact.

    Mind you, I’d be looking for the rescue centre, me. There are bound to be a few unwanted adults around. But wait, if they were unwanted and in a rescue, they might have flaws? (Unlike animals, I suspect that might be true). I’m getting carried away with this. I’ll ask the boys if they want another adult. Snowy might want another to use as a toy I suspect. Pippa will only want one if it would supply him with even more cheese, and toast.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 19 2014 2:51 pm

      Was wondering if there would be coupons. Discounts on slightly used floor samples? Will they do refurbishing of existing models? So many questions. Will be interesting to see how the business model progresses. (Snowy and Pippa may be right about waiting for some to show up at shelters. Could be a bargain if retraining isn’t too complicated. No doubt that will be the start of yet another business?)
      Thanks for browsing through the available products here

      Like

      • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 19 2014 2:55 pm

        Oh, sorry. Yes the scores are funny. Not to mention all the news blurbs running constantly across the bottom. So much stuff on the screen it’s often like a 3-4 ring circus and you don’t know where to look – and end up missing key points everywhere. Yes, it looks like technology is retraining the brain and the way people watch/read/absorb….haphazardly. (No wonder there’s so much half information and distortion of what’s actually going on…)

        Like

  5. Meredith / Jun 19 2014 6:11 pm

    I’ve nominated you for Most Influential Blogger award. go here for details http://meredithlbl.com/2014/06/19/an-unexpected-honor/

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 20 2014 1:35 pm

      What? I don’t have to sneak over and steal it? No. seriously, thanks so much for considering me. Very grateful. Will hop over shortly. Thanks again for your encouragement

      Like

  6. jannatwrites / Jun 19 2014 9:00 pm

    Hmm… the adult store… I wonder what their warranty/return policy is? Obviously, many are defective (like the ones who rob people and shoot ceilings!)

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    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 20 2014 1:37 pm

      Now you’ve brought up something. You know how some lost dogs and cats manage to wander and find their way home…perhaps these were defective ones boomeranging back by instinct asking for help? Lawyers already jotting down notes for future defenses…
      Thanks for briefly filing that comment!

      Like

  7. aFrankAngle / Jun 20 2014 12:27 pm

    I just can’t understand why one would shot an attractive metal ceiling. … and they stole money, not contents?

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 20 2014 1:17 pm

      One wallet. That many guys and just one wallet’s content. Guess the robbers were trying to go with the increase in minimum wage? Steal here instead of at the Dollar Stores now? (Everyone knows a dollar isn’t worth much any more, so they are moving to the big time? So the new cheap merchandise chain “Five Dollar or Below” better watch out. Inflation: 5&10 Cent Stores to Dollar Stores….) (Seriously, robber guys. The Dollar Stores?)
      Just best to laugh, Frank. Thanks for patrolling the area. Headed over to see how the party’s going on at your place!

      Like

  8. heretherebespiders / Jun 20 2014 10:09 pm

    Yes. I have to… They should have shot up one of those yard-long bicep-thick double headed dildos instead! At least it would have jumped around and looked lively! Not likely to happen again in its plastic lifetime. Unless it gets bought for a bachelorette party! Pretty sure bullet holes would only make it better in that case…

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 20 2014 10:22 pm

      (Someone was bound to say something eventually.)They must have been shy lads. A wallet. They took a wallet. Did they charge in on a dare? Bet their friends are never going to let them forget this lost opportunity? Thanks for parking a comment

      Like

  9. Beth / Jun 21 2014 12:47 am

    Maybe they only took wallets because the Adults were secured too umm securely. Those theft protection devices can be a nuisance especially if you’re trying to make away with one of the pricier adults. But that poor ceiling – never saw it coming. RIP Ceiling! 😦

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    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 21 2014 1:03 am

      Whoa. You are probably right. Wonder if the expensive ones are looped like big ticket fur coat sleeves.
      Who knew a ceiling needed to be made out of Kevlar? Thanks for window shopping over here

      Like

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