New occupant’s evaluation.
We, as RC, feel it is imperative that new arrivals receive feedback quickly.
Such information is comforting and reassuring to the
pathetic creature worried about being tossed back to the streets petitioning individual.
It is Our wish all who wish to reside in peace and friendship shall be given an opportunity to demonstrate how they will contribute to the Realm.
We are so
gullible kind-hearted that even those with irritating bad habits issues may be allowed to remain – at Our pleasure – if the charity case agrees to counseling and accepts Our improvement plan.
So We offer this evaluation of candidate, Molly of Shepherd
Canaan / Rottweiler / Belgian Malinois Mix Heritage.
Our Realm shall not tolerate discrimination against mixed heritages.
(Ye who is without mix can show the first fang…but We shall break that off.)
We encourage all to value service and productivity over bloodlines
which often produces totally brainless ditzes.
We are quite amazed at the range of abilities and skills offered by this applicant.
The Realm shall surly benefit if current staff will pay attention and learn.
Totally unexpected to find her so knowledgeable of landscape design and land management.
The candidate appears to be extremely self-motivated and self-directed.
Without even being asked, Molly has created multiple trails through the grass. We are thrilled Our distant visiting relatives no longer are forced to wade through tall grass
the staff is too lazy to cut getting their tummies wet. We wave paws to Molly for this fine work.
Showing a great deal of perception, Molly discerned Our wishes for more sunny windows.
She has begun excavation and removal of that
suicidal always trying to die citrus tree that blocks the sun in the living room window.
We purred Our approval as Molly managed to get a quarter of the tree’s surrounding dirt removed! And with so much speed!
Unfortunately, it started to rain and the
always slow to understand staff shoved dirt clods into the hole – probably to keep it from filling with water which would make final removal more difficult.
We have noted Molly has a strong sense of job completion and determination, so the final outcome of the project is assured.
Her persistence was revealed by her work with the underground sprinkler system. Staff has complained all summer that the system needed adjustment.
Eager to contribute, Molly sniffed out several sprinkler heads and began excavation in order to examine them. Not one to shirk dirty work!
Even willing to wade into the sprinkler’s showers and order the water to spray as she directs.
A little short on logic, perhaps, but an honest effort.
And with an eye towards the Realm’s safety, Molly has cleared a fire lane and border patrol lane across the entire northern border behind the bushes.
Her nightly rampages through said brushy lane inspires Us.
It is touching.
One so new takes it upon herself to create a security force….or is that to force security?
(We are not confused! Fool!)
Her actions have
forced encouraged the neighbors to acnkowedge their dogs’ existence monitor their dogs’ annoying continuous yapping for no reason. alerts.
We discussed with staff the possibility of Molly becoming the backline defense system, perhaps residing in a quaint outdoor château.
the dolts they insist Molly wishes to live inside the Realm and not simply be frontier defense.
In truth, it would be a solitary existence as We could not allow staff to spend much companionship time outside, so perhaps it is for the best.
It would sadden Us to see Molly suffering the hardships of the Outdoor Realm in order to secure Our comfort and safety. Such scenes might lessen Our enjoyment of the sunny window views.
But we might get over that guilt trip quickly.
While We have seen many positive qualities in this Molly applicant, We do have a few reservations.
We have noticed an increase in pet hair tumbleweeds since Molly’s arrival. This littering results in staff having to spend far too much time dust mopping the floors
and less time adoring Us. We firmly request Molly submit willingly to brushings to reduce this mess. All those of the Realm recognize the importance of hair appointments.
Our staff is not to mistaken for combat training dummies. They may not be bright, but they do not deserve to be mauled during overly energetic exercise sessions. It is important to remember not to damage staff’s fingers and thumbs as those are necessary for Our food preparation. We are not amused by their recent bandages!
We shall continue to do Our best to suppress rumors of Cujo moving in, but it is getting difficult, I warn you.
Also it has come to Our attention, Molly has mistakenly assumed We allow hunting in Our outdoor Realm. This must cease immediately. We are greatly distressed to see Our little lizards frantically fleeing gnashing teeth. Those are for Our amusement only. We love to entice them inside and
pounce on them repeatedly exchange environmental concerns. Be advised all toads and frogs leap and croak for Our entertainment only! All creatures are Ours under Our paw protection. Cease all poaching immediately!
In an effort to provide constructive feedback and not to overwhelm, We shall simply focus on these specific concerns.
Although there are other things to complain about: a dog has asked Us for asylum. Like We are going to make that easy…We shall maintain the upper paw!
Over all, We have been pleased by the candidate’s efforts:
Recognizing Our right to sleep on the bed.
Her willingness at night to run quickly into the
giant cozy crate-bed where we can smugly stare at her all night from the bed. And her wisdom to freeze if by accident one of us comes around the corner and We are unexpectedly face to face.
But a word to the wise, Molly.
If you suddenly find your nose very close to Ours again, please recognize Our fierce hiss.
This means you are dismissed and are to rapidly retreat in the opposite direction.
We do not wish to overwhelm
that mush of doggy brain so We shall address mousies and required tributes at a later time.
Our paw has waved.
Permission to withdraw.
Please notify Our inattentive staff We shall accept dinner service now.
And this one time We shall accept an IOU for one open can of food in the doorway as tribute.
Just this once, mind you.
I am RC Cat and I approve this message.
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