The Pumpkins Must Die

Sliced. Diced.

It’s eviction time.

Their continual presence the result of a deprived childhood.

Even as the Christmas poinsettia’s days are numbered, the pumpkins look smug and far too comfortable. (© image.)

Just the facts and only the asks:

We have been house watching for friends now out of state who resided in one of those neighborhoods where one pumpkin on the porch was completely insufficient and subject to scorn. With the approach of Thanksgiving, we rearrange their plethora of designer Halloween pumpkins into a Fall Harvest scene, thinking that would be acceptable.

After Thanksgiving,  the “really don’t need this” out-of-state owners were contacted by multiple worried neighbors about Christmas decorations. You have to understand this neighborhood has homeowners who spend a small fortune to have companies stage the equivalent of “Christmas Light Fight” in their yards each year. And, the neighbors hesitantly said, “It looks like your house has been abandoned” …despite the weekly yard crew and driveway/sidewalk power washers.

So we dutifully (as we had always planned) drove over to place lovely, traditional red velvet bows on the lanterns and a decorative wreath on the front porch gate. Shortly, one of the neighbors called to say they had placed those Christmas light nets across the front bushes. Kind people.

Normal Halloween pumpkins in this climate struggle to survive to Trick or Treat without melting into blue/black fuzz. But not these.

They must be military grade pumpkins – designer pumpkins designed for longevity in public displays. Not one sunken dent or suggestion of deterioration. Hollywood stock.

Sr Staff just couldn’t bring himself to condemn stout hearted vegetables who only lived for the stage into a garbage bag.

Apparently he had a pumpkin deprive childhood. They were lucky to get one ordinary generic pumpkin – and these glorious luxury vegetables had bumps, colorful streaks, and “storybook” shapes.

I was told “What? Spend good money on something that’s only going to rot? Here. Here’s some construction paper. Make your own.”

That’s how the pumpkins settled into our front porch.

Do they look like they are daring you to intervene? I understand the Vegetable squatters may have possibly posted availability of lizards’ sun basking spots on Vrbo. I’m beginning to worry they “know”…and will roll out across the doorway in the dead of night, tripping me during that last “It’s a long way until morning” dog walk. (© image)

And they will not die. They must be alien pumpkins as RC Cat always warns about.

They laugh and shrug off the full sun and being in a spot unprotected from rain this time of year.

Through Christmas. (Amazon and FedEx drivers keep laughing about them)

Through New Years Eve (I should have paid that neighborhood kid with the firecrackers….)

Seriously, the wreaths and garlands are down. The Welcome mat replaced the Peanuts’ Christmas one.

It’s time. Past time!

Or people are going to start asking if we have Cinderella as a houseguest.

(Checking The Farmer’s Almanac for freeze forecast. Then there’s always Little League baseball season approaching.)

There’s a time and place for a swift kick into the hedge. (Soccer! Brilliant suggestion!)

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge

“I, RC Cat warned them about Vegetable Intruders. Because of Dunderheaded Staff, I must spend time keeping an eye on the Orange Menace. Although I must remember to compliment Staff on temporarily placing the Tree of De-lites here on Our observation post since it provides camouflage for Our vigil. Now if they would only open the window as requested, a poor lost butterfly might find refuge among the greenery …or even a mockingbird – yes, yes. That would add to the camouflage…no alternative motive, at all…”(© image)

 

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