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January 5, 2020 / philosophermouseofthehedge

The Pumpkins Must Die

Sliced. Diced.

It’s eviction time.

Their continual presence the result of a deprived childhood.

Front porch scene with Christmas poinsettia and pumpkins on bench (© image. Copyrighted. NO permissions granted. All rights reserved )

Even as the Christmas poinsettia’s days are numbered, the pumpkins look smug and far too comfortable. (© image.)

Just the facts and only the asks:

We have been house watching for friends now out of state who resided in one of those neighborhoods where one pumpkin on the porch was completely insufficient and subject to scorn. With the approach of Thanksgiving, we rearrange their plethora of designer Halloween pumpkins into a Fall Harvest scene, thinking that would be acceptable.

After Thanksgiving,  the “really don’t need this” out-of-state owners were contacted by multiple worried neighbors about Christmas decorations. You have to understand this neighborhood has homeowners who spend a small fortune to have companies stage the equivalent of “Christmas Light Fight” in their yards each year. And, the neighbors hesitantly said, “It looks like your house has been abandoned” …despite the weekly yard crew and driveway/sidewalk power washers.

So we dutifully (as we had always planned) drove over to place lovely, traditional red velvet bows on the lanterns and a decorative wreath on the front porch gate. Shortly, one of the neighbors called to say they had placed those Christmas light nets across the front bushes. Kind people.

Normal Halloween pumpkins in this climate struggle to survive to Trick or Treat without melting into blue/black fuzz. But not these.

They must be military grade pumpkins – designer pumpkins designed for longevity in public displays. Not one sunken dent or suggestion of deterioration. Hollywood stock.

Sr Staff just couldn’t bring himself to condemn stout hearted vegetables who only lived for the stage into a garbage bag.

Apparently he had a pumpkin deprive childhood. They were lucky to get one ordinary generic pumpkin – and these glorious luxury vegetables had bumps, colorful streaks, and “storybook” shapes.

I was told “What? Spend good money on something that’s only going to rot? Here. Here’s some construction paper. Make your own.”

That’s how the pumpkins settled into our front porch.

Four pumpkins on a bench. (© image. Copyrighted. No permissions granted. ALL rights reserved)

Do they look like they are daring you to intervene? I understand the Vegetable squatters may have possibly posted availability of lizards’ sun basking spots on Vrbo. I’m beginning to worry they “know”…and will roll out across the doorway in the dead of night, tripping me during that last “It’s a long way until morning” dog walk. (© image)

And they will not die. They must be alien pumpkins as RC Cat always warns about.

They laugh and shrug off the full sun and being in a spot unprotected from rain this time of year.

Through Christmas. (Amazon and FedEx drivers keep laughing about them)

Through New Years Eve (I should have paid that neighborhood kid with the firecrackers….)

Seriously, the wreaths and garlands are down. The Welcome mat replaced the Peanuts’ Christmas one.

It’s time. Past time!

Or people are going to start asking if we have Cinderella as a houseguest.

(Checking The Farmer’s Almanac for freeze forecast. Then there’s always Little League baseball season approaching.)

There’s a time and place for a swift kick into the hedge. (Soccer! Brilliant suggestion!)

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge

RC Cat on table looking out window from underneath Christmas tree (© image. Copyrighted. No permissions granted, ALL rights reserved)

“I, RC Cat warned them about Vegetable Intruders. Because of Dunderheaded Staff, I must spend time keeping an eye on the Orange Menace. Although I must remember to compliment Staff on temporarily placing the Tree of De-lites here on Our observation post since it provides camouflage for Our vigil. Now if they would only open the window as requested, a poor lost butterfly might find refuge among the greenery …or even a mockingbird – yes, yes. That would add to the camouflage…no alternative motive, at all…”(© image)



Leave a Comment
  1. pensitivity101 / Jan 5 2020 1:02 pm

    :). Ha, has Cinders arrived then? Look out for stray slippers.
    Happy New Year all.

    Liked by 2 people

    • RKLikesReeses / Jan 5 2020 1:43 pm

      Hi! I don’t often click on others’ blogs but your username made me smile so I did. Had to tell you this: On my screen your tag line is tiny & right now my eyes are lid-flopping tired, so I read it as, “An onion has many lawyers. So do I.” Thank you for the good chuckle, unintended tho it was. And your blog looks SUPER! 😁👋

      Liked by 1 person

      • pensitivity101 / Jan 5 2020 3:26 pm

        Hello and thanks for dropping by! Do have a browse around if you get a minute or two. Hopefully something will appeal! 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jan 5 2020 2:12 pm

      And it appears Cinders has been acquiring vehicles in the fleet dept. (Pumpkins are one thing, but if her mouse team appears demanding quarters and food, Cindy will be leaving as fast as those pumpkins.) Hope 2020 is shining bright for you. Thanks for pausing a while on this porch


      • pensitivity101 / Jan 5 2020 3:25 pm

        Most welcome. The New Year has been good to us so far……….. it’s so mild, we could almost believe it’s spring, and the ducks are pairing up already!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. RKLikesReeses / Jan 5 2020 1:14 pm

    (I think tigers like to eat them. Any around?)

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jan 5 2020 2:16 pm

      Hmmm,…if only those “do not feed “signs weren’t along the Pine Gully hiking trail, maybe the gators…or catfish?
      They must be GMO or coated with some waxy polish or something – the squirrels aren’t touching them…seriously. Expiration date! I will never pick up another one without an expiration date. (and maybe the cat isn’t so senile….Princesses? Any insights?)
      Some talk about an endless summer…we’ve got an endless October…
      Thanks for rolling in with a comment

      Liked by 1 person

      • RKLikesReeses / Jan 5 2020 2:30 pm

        Hi! Oh, no feeding the gators? 😫 I looked up pumpkins that won’t rot, found that they’re often coated with the same type of wax cucumbers get. Too bad you don’t have a catapult – you could launch them skyward, crack them open. Then maybe the critters would eat them. Or…and this is from the Princesses, who don’t care how difficult things can be to do…maybe you could pile them up, vertically, like orange snowmen. But pumpkin-men instead. Put a hat on top, cozy scarf, add a face. But would RC Cat approve? 🎃+☃️=😻?

        Liked by 1 person

        • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jan 5 2020 2:35 pm

          That makes sense – got to be some sort of coating. Pretty soon we can spray paint them red and call them Valentines…maybe leave them on other people’s porches?
          (I love the catapult idea…kids on the block really don’t need any encouragement…)

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Kate Crimmins / Jan 5 2020 1:17 pm

    Our pumpkin(s) move to the back yard after Thanksgiving. Then they slowly deflate. Squirrels dig in and eat the seeds creating big holes for water to accumulate. Right now it’s a big flat fully deflated orange circle in the back. Only a memory of October remains. In the spring I’ll compost it with an appropriate burial.

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jan 5 2020 2:25 pm

      With this being a bird sanctuary area, all cats are supposed to be kept indoor…which means while the predators are leashed, the mice have peace – and a piece of safe haven with the marina docks only a few fence runs away. Our hawks are overhead, but they can only eat so much. To let them dissolve in the backyard would guarantee thousands of pumpkin vines in the spring – shortly overtaking the house no doubt!
      I had thought the front yard squirrels would make short work of them…but eerily they stay away…what do the squirrels know? Are these really aliens …or GMOs.
      I had to laugh about your orange crop circles – maybe you could make an appearance as some sci fi mystery? HaHa (will stay tuned for that!)
      Thanks for planting a comment here

      Liked by 1 person

  4. The Coastal Crone / Jan 5 2020 1:55 pm

    These pumpkins could be pods like those in “Cocoon” but need sun instead of water. Love R.C.’s take!

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jan 5 2020 2:27 pm

      OMG – you may have figured it out! Can we sell tickets?
      Thanks for rolling in with the answer. Hope your 2020 is sharp, clear and fun!


  5. Littlesundog / Jan 5 2020 1:56 pm

    My chickens would have a fiesta on those pumpkins! They LOVE the seeds!

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jan 5 2020 2:30 pm

      I thought of chickens, goats, and squirrels, but not near any of the first 2 and the last ones are too wary – like they sense something supernatural? (There’s a chance they could float off in a flood? Meanwhile the lizards seem to be enjoying the sunny spa platforms….surely they will start to implode before long…great. Now it’s a science experiment…)
      Thanks for scratching up a comment to leave!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. sustainabilitea / Jan 5 2020 7:03 pm

    🙂 That’s it. 🙂 Again.



  7. shoreacres / Jan 6 2020 8:18 am

    Once upon a time, in a world very far away (Berkeley, actually) some friends and I participated in a local tradition: rolling pumpkins down Marin Avenue — the longest, steepest hill in Berkeley. This note from a bike riding site tells the story: “Past Euclid is where the road gets really absurd. The average grade from Euclid to Grizzly Peak is 22%, but that includes the flat intersections. Actual riding is closer to 25%, and that first block is probably near 30%. I don’t care how low your gears are, or how light your bike is; either you have the leg strength and aerobic capacity to ride up this hill, or you don’t. Good luck.”

    You can imagine the results of a pumpkin headed down. Yes, of course it was illegal. But… well… I’m not sure any of our hills has a grade better than 3%, but it’s worth considering.


  8. Kirt D Tisdale / Jan 6 2020 4:11 pm

    I can’t believe the pumpkins lasted that long, especially in a warm climate. Cracked me up! I so remember their demise on Halloween especially when teenagers like myself use to grab them and throw them down the street watching them crack wide open….ah…those were the days:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jan 6 2020 4:30 pm

      It is very eerie. These ain’t your grandparent’s farmer’s pumpkins. Not one dent or soggy spot. The cat may be actually right about them…
      (Think there’s a possibility of making outdoor speakers out of them?)
      Thanks for risking making a mush out of comments!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Ally Bean / Jan 9 2020 6:50 am

    It doesn’t surprise me that your pumpkins are legendary and long-lived. They know that with a few accessories they’ll fit into any holiday decor. A bit of silliness on the doorstep is welcoming, is it not?


  10. cat9984 / Jan 16 2020 9:11 am

    Wow. Ours always get eaten by the squirrels or other critters within days of putting them out (they have no calendars telling them when Halloween is)

    Liked by 1 person


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