Deposit required. Now.

Won if by land. Tú better see. We are keeping the light on.(© image)

Dear Ella (and associates of destruction housemates),

Your update on the foolishness improving environment of your Realm was much welcomed.

Knowing the waves of paws, there has been concern of the health and well-scare of Our graciously loaned Personal Staff. We were obviously not consulted unless it was sleazily slipped by during a catnip mousie daze 

Please note in the negotiated assistance agreement that “any Staff borrowed shall be returned in good spirits, free of dog spit, with no marks of mauling or bruising.”

As We discussed, any attempt to hide paw poundings or signs of being barged into with mud or hair clumps It’s not a souvenir sweater. It bears no resemblance to a sweater. Please do not insult Our intelligence. We know what dog hair smells like shall seriously jeopardize future cooperation by this Realm.

We also wish to point out the claws requiring a deposit. Nonrefundable in the case of Returned Staff Exhaustion. We are waiting.

Your offer of depositing one of the brothers, as you know, was flat out insulting unfortunately rejected by not only Molly Malamute, but also by barely functional remaining Staff.

“Do you see what We mean? The remaining Dunderhead thought this would amuse and entertain Us!” (USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Hedging Our bets, We are stuck like glue keeping a close, supervisory eye on remaining Staff to make sure Realm protocols are not jeopardized and customs are held to standards.

Only Our Head of Personal Staff has complete knowledge of daily routines. Why this remaining Dunderhead one cannot seem to get it into his head that We are served fresh food on a clean plate every three hours is beyond Us.

It is well known that eating small meal throughout the day keeps one’s weight down. Everyone knows exercise is critical for staff. Without Our prodding to run back and forth from kitchen to Our dining ledge (with lovely patio views), Staff would probably weigh as much as The Molly a small traveling vehicle. That would not do. We do have responsibilities to those We decide to mentor. We meow and nag out of kindness.

Obviously, the meals must be small, dainty, and very fresh. Food languishing long on the plate gets disgustingly crusty. It should be obvious that during this dreadful hot weather with heat indexes of 107F, that one must make an effort to take in as much moisture as possible. Crusty food is almost a treasonous action.

As said in Shakespeare’s time, “Heavy is the head that wears the frown.” (USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

But as One who is willing to suffer great hardships, as if We had a choice benevolent and determined to assist those in need, We shall stay strong until your realm is once again able to hogtie your own wayward servants fully staffed and running smoothly that’s a laugh once again.

Just FYI

In lieu of Thank You Notes, tribute in the form of canned food is considered appropriate.

Local food repositories now offer delivery. Word to the wise isn’t suspicious.

A great full heart is a happy heart.

As Joss Whedon says, “Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don’t forget food. You can go a week without laughing.” The man must have been a cat in a previous life. (© image)

I am RC Cat and I approve this message.

 

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