Emails from the beyond
At first, it was only a solitary whisper – a hint, a hoping. Now there’s dread each morning of what’s waiting. How many will be there? Will each in succession become more and more disturbing? Fear accompanies the hand reaching to click the inbox. Will the delete button work fast enough?
Could even Indiana Jones decipher this? (1945 Capt. Midnight Secret Decoder / Sobebunny/Commons.wikimedia.org)
Oh, the guilt. But there’s nothing else to be done.
Why do they keep coming? At an ever-increasing pace. More and more insistent.
I don’t know them – any of them, yet….They couldn’t have been at that last wild crawfish boil with all the craft beers, could they?
No. Paths have never crossed. Never.
Why do they slide in with such familiarity?
Some distant relative by marriage much removed? Friend of a friend? No. No way.
Why don’t they give up and move on – on to their next plane of existence?
Those eyes! What attracted that gaze? (Orphan Annie’s Secret Society Membership booklet/ Olsen/radioarchives.com)
How did they get my email?
I’ve deleted. I’ve tracked back and firmly said “Take me out of your contact list.”
Just made it worse.
Heidi, hope you don’t take offense and get overly depressed, but, Honey, please stop.
It’s nuts. The emails, not you – don’t be so sensitive.
We don’t know each other.
We will never sit down to Christmas or any other dinner together. No. It won’t happen. Ever.
Whomever sold gave you my email is just a mean girl playing you for a fool.
Your emails are heart-rending: the pleading, the whining, the guilt trips, the unwarranted self-centered confidence. Maybe if you read some aloud to yourself, you would see why people are concerned.
“I hope my email finds you doing well this morning.
Ted is worried that you haven’t been getting his emails — so, I told him that I’d personally reach out to you.
We’re up against a BIG deadline tonight, and while I don’t have the exact number, I know we’re more than $100,000 dollars behind what we need to raise in order to hit our mid-month fundraising goal tonight……..
Best,
Heidi Cruz
P.S. If $35 or $50 is too much — can you afford $5? I really don’t want to have to tell Ted and the team we came up short.”
Heidi, Sugar, desperate pleading is so unattractive. And I’m worried, you’re worried Ted will be upset with you.
At the outer limits of official and confidential messages.(1941 paper Ovaltine decoder. Olsen/radioarchives.com)
He seems a bit, uh, well to be kind, he does seem to see things, uh, differently.
Hope he didn’t shove you off of the computer in a snit when he dashed off this one:
“Violent rallies, verbal assaults, social media intimidation, personal harassment…and now DEATH THREATS…That’s why I’ve asked my campaign to establish a Delegate Defense Fund — and I’m asking you to help me fund it….
…..give intimidated and harassed delegates the help and support they need — ..immediately respond to this email….
….For your help, I will rush you your very own Deputy Delegate card.
For liberty,
Ted Cruz
Gee, Ted. Very own Deputy Delegate card? Golly. Just like Ovaltine secret decoder rings?
Slidomatic Radio Decoder by Quaker Puffed Wheat and Rice Sparkies.As kids we made decoders like these out of index cards for secret codes. Is that how I got on the email list?(Olsen/ radioarchives.com)
So, Heidi, Dear, trying to be kind here, stop being delusional, run!
And please trash any hard drive with contact lists before you go.
Longing for the days free of weird harassing guilt tripping emails.
(Will this annoying presidential campaign season never end? Voting for all states having their facade of primaries all on the same day.)
Deletingly yours,
Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.
Oh, just for fun. You can print out your own Orphan Annie’s Secret Society 1936 Radio Decoder Badge right here. Just in case your name got left off Ted’s contact list.
She’s not drinking Kool-Aid.(Ovaltine/Olsen/radioarchives.com)
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Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge 
See, the difference between you and me is that you’ve actually read the danged things — at least, enough to quote them here. Honestly, it seems that the emails are the only non-partisan thing about this campaign. They’re coming in from all sides, all persuasions. The only person I haven’t heard from is the Trumpster. I’m not sure if that’s proof of his evil genius, or the fact that he doesn’t have the vaunted ground game.
In any event, I’m about to the point of dragging out my Harold Stassen button. Most people wouldn’t get it, but that might be another point in its favor.
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HA! Grab that button!
So far spam filters and setting have kept most campaign emails away. It’s probably if you accidentally click on one, they show up forever. Actually it’s gotten quite funny – the writing is as hilarious as fiction – those were only a couple of the tearful pleadings. We got one from Ted last night an hour before the polls closed begging that little time remained to get voters to the polls in those 5 states and to please send money so they can continue making phone calls and sending emails for the next hour to secure success! (You notice Heidi was missing during Ted’s speech yesterday – probably too busy sending emails HA HA) Put all the emails together and you almost have a stage show script. Hmmmm.
Thanks for voting to visit here
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maybe I should read this kind of mails next time? I always press the pam-button, but it seems they can be interesting :o) I had such a captain midnight decoder ring once, my moron-cousin said it makes me invisible… I trusted him and deflated the bike of a bully in our hood… in front of him… yeah I was invisible… got the spanking of the year… and I learnt that my cousin is an idiot…
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They just sound so friendly…and funny. Like characters who escaped a TV sitcom into the real world. (But I am easily amused)
Never trust older cousins! They tell you things like “Snipe hunts are fun. Here hold this bag and sit in the spooky dark in the cow pasture with the mean bull…” Guess a decoder ring wouldn’t have helped either of us.
Thanks for sending that Captain Midnight story – got a real chuckle out of it! Paw waves in thanks, Easy
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Ha! A Defense Fund! Ha! The voters should be the ones with the Defense Fund – after all who is going to defend them from the candidates?
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Paul, that’s perfect. Absolutely perfect. Thanks (and I’m going to remember that one!)
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Hilarious! Who are these people??
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We really thing they must be characters from some virtual comedy show who somehow slipped into the real world. Thanks for laughing along
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Maybe you’re lucky. I haven’t gotten one election email. (I do get plenty of drug, adult diaper and male erection ads though even with my spam filter on red alert.) However, we had to turn off our phone. 49 calls in one day. That was an all time high.
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We got 3 emails from them between 4:30-8:00 our time. The writing is so funny – I keep thinking of Roger Rabbit and Jessica.
Phone calls are even more annoying – luckily mine runs out of charge and I don’t notice it. Only the vultures and marketing people keep saying emails and smart phones are sooo wonderful.
You do get much more variety of emails, than I – but please don’t let them know where I am. HA HA. Thanks for slipping in with a comment
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We don’t get any political emails. Not sorry about that, so don’t tell Heidi and Ted, ok? We do get a Christmas card each year from Karen and John + the girls, and that’s quite enough.
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Whyyyyy do they keep coming in? We got 3 between 4:30-8:00 pm last night. You are so lucky. We do get a Christmas card from Jim Webb and the family – after I contacted him to thank him for supporting legislation helping dogs of war. So few send Christmas cards anymore. Thanks stopping by to chat.
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I don’t get much political email, but I get plenty of junk flyers in the mail. Such a waste of paper and trees, and a senseless contribution to our ever-growing trash piles. And we haven’t even settled on the candidates yet. Come fall, it’s going to be ugly. My counter will runneth over with flyers.
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Those glossy, ink-still-wet political flyers are bothersome. Such a waste. Local candidates seem use those more than the national ones so far.(and a couple of the county races here area as ugly as the national one)
We haven’t made a selection yet either….you have to wait until the merchandise is put on the shelf by the shop owner before you can see the cost and decide what to buy. (Groan…really wish for only a 3 month campaign/election period. This is so excruciating and needlessly expensive. Their money has to come from somewhere – which leads to cries of “buying the elections”) Flyers. Incoming! Thanks for ducking by to chat
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I am so, so grateful not to be getting anything from Ted or Heidi. Because that could cause a dangerous spike in my blood pressure. Maybe they cross-referenced their list with Planned Parenthood and ACLU lists and realized I’m probably not their target audience…
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We get so many and the content is so hilarious, we’re thinking of compiling them into a stage show or something. Proof that data analysis isn’t always a winner…or they got sold a pig in a poke for contact lists. I now understand how animals will chew their own foot off to escape a trap…stalking! Stalking! Oh, you might as well laugh at the ineptness. Thanks for snorting along
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You really make me not miss America! Any election season here lasts – drum roll please – a month. But it can be at any time, so that’s all kindsa odd to me! And it seems we will have another because it was a three-way-tie, and the parties couldn’t agree on how to split responsibilities, so we get another go!
I’ve gotten Trump spam, but pretty sure it isn’t from him.
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A one month election process sounds heavenly – it is so much more sensible and tolerable. This long parade is exhausting…wonder if they intend it to be.
Maybe voters there are more awake and able to deal with a moving target date for voting. People are so lazy here – they offer free rides, cookies – and still people sit home – and complain about those elected. Sometimes it seems like the term of office is very short compared to the long election period. More time not only bores people so they walk away, it also give the ones with extreme views more time to get cranked up. Too much drama!
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A month might be too short, though. Now we have had a few months to shake our heads at their idiocy and lies, it might be a heck of a lot different this time around!
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I hate spam just as much as the next guy, but I personally know a delegate from SC who’s received “certain threats” from supporters of a “certain candidate.”
Spam is also a reason I have two email accounts: 1 that I automatically give to everyone and everything; then, after trust is established, I might give the second email to certain verified human individuals.
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Yep, it’s smart to have alternative email addresses. (Which reminds me I really need to go in and trash the massive ignored pile that’s bound to be festering there…)
Heidi and Ted have been firing off emails 5-6 times a day and they are written in such a humorous style. It’s almost mesmerizing like a soap opera script. I hate to think how many tearful or alarming emails a person who actually sent donations or showed any interest would get.
I have no doubt people are “sternly admonishing” or rudely name calling or saying things like “I know where you live…”. There are jerks and idiots in every group no matter the party or state. People seem to be pretty angry – about just about everything. Not a good state – of mind.
Any publicity is good publicity though – and the fodder for more emails! Thanks for snorting along.
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Ahhhh…high drama in the spam…reads like the story boards for a soap opera. Sometimes I think that clicking to ask to be deleted from a mailing list is like saying, “Yes, I’m human and will read whatever you send.” And sometimes I think that asking to be deleted puts the email address into a special “Let’s REALLY pester this ungrateful person!!” I just let the stuff arrive and then toss it out. I have 21 webmail accounts right now. Yes – it spreads out the nonsense. Most of them never get any spam at all. But the few that do never get anything as interesting as yours! 🙂
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These emails are exactly like a telenovela or soap opera. Maybe we should just glue them together into a stage show.
Normally there’s very little spam, so that’s part of what makes this so amusing. Don’t they realize how silly it all sounds? Oh, well, good for a few laughs – just had to share the hilarity. Thanks for giggling along. Paw waves!
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I think we have stooped to the lowest level ever. It shouldn’t even be called politics anymore. So sad and very much a concern when one tries to imagine how they would all deal on the world stage after this fiasco…
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I think we had 8 yesterday in about 6-7 hours – such a soap opera.If you read about his father’s/family’s philosophy/religious beliefs it gets even more worrisome – and you know I’m pretty much live and let live, but disturbing.
You’re right, elections are so far from being run/decided by the ordinary people – the power brokers have the reins while we pay their bills forever. They aren’t even ashamed to admit it or try to hide it anymore. Gag. What a nightmare situation. But the world stage is equally unstable right now, too. WIll be interesting to see how it all shakes out. Thanks for snorting along
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