Food. Not food. Tutorial, Dunderheads
Hidden in plain sight. An odd lump in the food. A suspicious nail pushed it aside and the truth was revealed: a carrot.
Food. Not food. A simple concept.
While We strive to be a benevolent RC of the Realm and are known to overlook foibles and occasional missteps, We can tolerate just so much.
Are these orange lumps the result of sloppy dishwashing or, as We fear, something more sinister?
Enough is enough.(USPD)
Summer does call for lighter fare – and We have congenially sampled new dishes at Our dinner table recently. But the calendar is turning and Our stomach is, too.
Carrots offered as sustenance para moi?
Please. In what universe is this acceptable?
Thus a tutorial for clarification for whichever dunderhead is holding the can opener
Bunny (Note the differences. You there. Point them out to the others.)
Look and learn. Questions?(Gonzalez/Commons.wikimedia.org)
Not Bunny. Simple, yes?
You may approach. That’s close enough. Put on some glasses if you can’t see the differences.©
To reinforce: Bunny.
(Note what the rabbit is eating. Yes, in the bowl, a carrot. Proving who is supposed to be served carrots.)
Stressed bunny obviously concerned his carrots will be stolen and fed to cats.(Flickr/Vandelay/Commons.wikimedia.org)
To further prove the point, a few of those who have pawed before Us
Dedicated barn cat ancestor earning his keep. (Caldecott/USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)
Wise cat (1884) who trained Staff well. (Moore/USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)
Taught by Mother’s paw! (Commons.wikimedia.org)
Free range cat.”Don’t fight. I have room for both of you.”(USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)
Does any one see anything that vaguely resembles a carrot?
No.
We rest Our case
Fini.
Heritage must be respected.
We are distraught – confused – weak from hunger and seriously concerned Staff is so negligent.
Has Staff confused us with veggie eating NASA astronauts? Staff mutters sometimes We are spaced out.
Yes, a shock. Try to be strong, like We, your RC Cat.(NewZealandArchives/USPD)
Winter is coming. We must pack on the pounds plan to stay warm.
A cold wet one predicted due to El Niño.
Much to Our annoyance. Who invited this one anyway? It is said he always offers a cold shoulder, the ungrateful child. Still giving one the nickname “Godzilla El Niño” seems a bit rude and setting up for problems.
We have announced to the Molly that she must stop discharging hair immediately and stockpile it for winter coat.
Apparently humans are being instructed to do the same judging from all the recent clothing advertisements urging people to purchase warm coats and clothing despite the current heat.
Despite the jammed roadways of people rushing to buy warm clothing, Staff is dispatched to search for suitable food that will be gentle on Our tummy and does not include any odd orange lumps.
We noticed those peas in the other, too. Do not attempt that one again.
Beware of the Paw of Death and Our Outrage.
Audience done.
Dismissed now that all are suitably chastised.
Put on notice.
We shall not treat lightly another dinner disappointment.
The Paw has waved.
Will someone please clear the room of these gawkers? Our jaws are tiring of polite smiles
Adieu, mon chéri.
Don’t forget to leave tribute of an open can of food in the doorway.
An appropriate one: no cereal, no carrots. Meat. All fish sans mercury.
I am RC Cat and I approve this message.
(Read HRH’s previous messages here or here (Re: Amazon’s unpleasant food announcements), or here as audiences began .)
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Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge 
Ah — Someone is Miffed! I love a writer who can make the point with clarity and emphasis, your Majesty.
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RC Cat, “We love nothing more than a great debate. Sadly what passes for debates these days…sigh. If the tutorial doesn’t work, We fear next time We must resort to charts, graphs, and large pictures with red X’s or green check marks. As if We have nothing to do. A grateful paw wave for your astute remark.”
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I’d never try carrots and peas, but I do have good news on the food/treat front. After Friskies “No More Hairball” treats were discontinued, I went looking, and found that Whiskas Temptations Hairball Control (chicken flavor) are not only scarfed down with eagerness, they are doing the trick. Everything is just as it has been, and peace reigns in the queendom.
Also, I’ve found that Sheba salmon and chicken paté are acceptable. Sheba’s got a nice packaging trick, now. Instead of one can to open and have to deal with, they’re doing a double-pack in plastic, that is a few cents more expensive, but cuts down on waste.
And that’s our morning report!
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RC Cat, “There are ripples – no shouts – of discontent – throughout the Realms of this unreasonable change in food production. Staff has found the reg. purple can Friskies Turkey and Giblets pate is acceptable in taste and being used by many owners and shelters for cats in distress with diabetes, urinary issues, and sensitive tummies. It is moist without the gravies that can cause problems.And it does not cost a small fortune – We do keep and eye on the budget of the Realm. Staff is being instructed to grab all available cans in case the fools decide to discontinue it also…We shall just shove over some of this stuff we do not eat in the pantry. Staff’s items take up much too much space. There. Plenty of room.
We are also noting Miss Dixie’s recommendations. One must be prepared. A nod of respect to Miss Dixie…benevolently We extend a paw for a soft shoulder pat for your kindness in reporting your RC’s recommendations.”
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Sounding very much like WE four who reign here at The View on Bequia, RC Cat. It’s hard to get good help these days …
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RC Cat, “We sympathize. And no doubt they wish to occupy the hammock without an invitation. Sigh. A paw wave in solidarity!”
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You are so right RC. Here the cats will pick out anything vaguely resembling a vegetable. We have switched to healthy foods which have been popular but there are a few fancy wet ones, like the broths that sneak in vegetables. I’m not allowing my cats to read this as they will want to do a presentation on proper nourishment for cats (which may include live mice…just for the exercise).
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RC Cat, “Very carefully with one sharp nail, We piled the offending lumps together in protest. And stomped around wailing when told that’s what was available. Hopefully the tutorial will be enough retraining without a live presentation. But the possibility…We shall save the powerpoint and video for your Realm in case it is needed. A soft cheek pat for your compassion.”
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My cats aren’t quite so nice. One had the gall to try to cover the dish, digging the floor.
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RC Cat, “A suggestion: We have found bath mats cover more easily – and for instant attention, couch cushions (if you can avoid the dog’s stash of toys there). Cheery helpful wave in encouragement!”
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Ha! Revolt against the carrot, feline style. Loved it.
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RC Cat, “Yes, it was revolting. The nerve of offering carrots! Feed them to the tiny babies who can’t really do anything about it – that’s what We say! A grand paw wave for supporting the claws!”
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Well RC I hope they get the message. Feline resident here is creating a grave display of bodies as the wee outside toys try to make a run for the comfort of inside in anticipation of the winter. Never one for vegetables, Skeedles prefers her food “on the hoof”!!
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RC Cat, “Ah, the memories of the hunt. Nothing more delicious than nibbles of lizard..and no worries about the calories with the aerobic exercise involved with the preparation activities. A cheery paw pat for you, such a considerate well trained Staff.”
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Ahhh, my good friend RC cat – how have you been? I come bringing gifts of tuna – I’ll leave the open tin by the door. I came across a Youtube video of a cat who I think you would like. His name is Henri (pronounced enree ) and he is a black cat with his fair share of ennui. This is one of many of his videos – oh ‘e speks french with subtitles. Enjoy~! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0M7ibPk37_U
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RC Cat: “Oh, entertainment to help these sweltering hours pass. How kind to introduce Us to Henri. Perhaps We shall share – if Staff provides the appropriate dinners. Sir Paul, you always remember Our fondness for tuna. A soft cheek pat for such a friend (and shining example for Staff)”
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you can send me that carrot, I love that red thingies … shall I send you some beef for the carrot? that’s what I totally dislike :o(
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RC Cat, “My friend Easy, I suggested they pack up the remaining carrot contaminated cans and send them to you, but the Molly intercepted. She is thrilled to have carrot chunks. They will probably stick in her teeth, but whatever. Staff says she can have blobs of carrotted cat food as a treat now and then. Odd as the Molly turned up her nose at chilled carrot sticks when offered during hot weather. But if it’s Our special canned food, orange is suddenly her favorite. Perhaps you could hang out the beef for some hawk? That could be entertaining,eh? A gracious paw wave for your kind offer!”
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I had a cat who would eat peas from beef stew. I guess that she didn’t understand that they were beef-flavored veggies, not meat. She’d always leave the stew carrots untouched. So I get what you’re saying here, RC. There are limits to what a cat can eat. Sorry to learn that carrots found their way into your diet.
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RC Cat:” One is expected to eat those round green things? We enjoy rolling them across the plate and licking gravy off them – but were unaware those were considered food and not food stirrers…or a method to slow down gulping of grub. Interesting information. We shall let the Molly sample those after she finishes gobbling up the carrot infected cat food.A grateful paw wave for enlightening Us”
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Ha!… Nice one ✨ … I´ll make sure to leave my humble tribute of an open can of meat in the doorway, as suggested!…
Oh, and what´s going on with Global Climate Change 🌎… We have had huge floods over here and now I read on your post that “Godzilla El Niño” is getting ready to take it away over there! 💦💦… Anyhow, I just wish It won´t be so bad!!! … All my best wishes to you. Aquileana 🐼
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RC Cat: “Humans are so foolish about weather. Best to just curl up and take a nap until it changes – and it always does.Staff has fretted annoyingly all year about this La Nina period which always follows the El Nino year…so it’s a double dose with yet another cold dark winter. We have already warned staff that many dry towels will be needed all winter….or the Molly must get some rain boots and a rain cape. This occurred in the 50’s and again in the early 80’s (We heard tails from Olde Tiger of snow and sleet and fireplaces warm). So Staff will actually haul out the sweaters this winter perhaps. If El Nino does show up, he’d better bring popcorn, chili, and hot chocolate for Staff to keep them functioning.
Hoping the waters have drained away from you. We do not care for unexpected high water either.
Paw waves and a soft cheek pat for your kind yummy tribute!”
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I had a cat who craved pickles and tomatoes. I think it was deranged. It’s name was Fred. It was a female. I think we messed it up from the get-go.
We also had a cat who left offerings. At any exit, we could find ourselves balking and stumbling in an effort not to stomp on the sacrifices: mice, dissected with surgical precision, every organ and artery whole and picked carefully with aforementioned nail in such a way as to be spread the system as far out as possible without disconnecting anything. It was truly fascinating, and it was clear that the cat thought so, as well, expecting high praise each time.
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RC Cat: “Oh, Fred sounds like a New Age devotee. Like in Auntie Mame, society often finds the vanguards incomprehensible. How fortunate she though perhaps you were ready to appreciate her.
Obviously cats recognize your potential…and purrhaps one was trying to show you the fine art of surgery? Do not be disheartened. Cats generally understand that humans do not always recognize obvious hints and forgive if their hints fail. The fact that you took notice, no doubt gave your feline hope for you. A soft cheek pat sent in encouragement.”
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I may not be “dis-heartened,” but those mice sure were. And “dis-livered” … and “dis-kidneyed” … and …
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Dis-maid needed?
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RC, if Staff are going to serve you carrot they could at least put it in cake with cream cheese icing…
I too have heard about this crazy “Godzilla El Niño”, apparently going to be messing about with our southern hemisphere spring summer weather to. Ah well, at least it will give everyone something to small talk about.
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RC Cat: “Yes, yes! Cream cheese – and vanilla ice cream. Oh, a dream. We shall forward your wise suggestion to Staff, although the carrot infested food has already been moved into the Molly’s food spot in the pantry. Cream cheese works with anything, We think.
Bah, weather. More naps. And cold weather burns more calories, so Staff should be hoping it does show up here. Just when the grass manages to recover, continual rain and dog feet will end that. We shall suggest Molly be allowed to go run in the fenced play fields with friends – and have lots of baths upon returning home. That should wear her out and let us all nap in peace.
Purrhaps it is just media hype in any case. We shall see. Oh, there’s Staff now. We must run and chat about cream cheese. A cheery paw wave!”
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Presoomibubbly, no GM meat or fish is to appear in the can opened as per instructions? Only freshly bumped off or caught specimens?
Carrots are said to be good for human eyesight. They need them.
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RC Cat: “We have tried sending the Molly out to forage and hunt. Only she comes back without bringing in the catch. Staff is so insistent on their odd catch and release concept. We do nibble on fresh grilled salmon on occasion…hmm, We must send a memo to staff concerning the weekend fare. Yes, yes, No possible hiding of carrots there. A grateful salute for jogging Our memory….only Our memory. We do not jog with paws. Adieu!”
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“discharging hair” — RC, you do have a way with words. I’m still chuckling.
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RC Cat: “We do not understand why that dog will not pick up after herself. At times one would think We have been invaded by Tribbles. A soft cheek pat your your kind words.”
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That is the most flattering photo I’ve ever seen! Looks like it is good enough for a non-carrot tinned food advert. Cats are made to only eat meat anyway – hence the awesomely awful ammonia wee. But apparently some will eat pumpkin. Not mine.
Leave the C’s for the dogeens – yes, we have to say C instead of carrot in our house, as the usually dumb dog knows that word. Sadly, now I think she has learned to spell – C and W for walkie!
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RC Cat: “Nothing chunky and orange shall pass Our lips. We wonder if it isn’t some sort of attempt to infiltrate the Realm before another Holler-Ring pumpkin invasion. Vegetables can be sneaky, We always say. That doesn’t deter the Molly who happily gobbles the carrot contaminated food as a snack. Must be a dog thing. Selective learning to spell words here, too. If only there was as much ready learning with phrases such as “Don’t put your big nose on the cat”. Selective learning by intent, We feel. A regal paw wave in solidarity with your realm!”
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“Hidden in plain sight.”
An appropriate way to describe your skills, my lovely friend.
Loved this.
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RC Cat: “Staff is just hopping and hovering, thus We shall allow a brief note – as Our paws are tired of the annoyance. A hurried paw wave and calming purr to help you deal until that gathering of Comics – which even We are so pro and little con about.”.
Staff:”The invisible flies on the wall have such a view, right? Oh, our time is up …waves and Thanks for tossing a tidbit.”
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Did RC approve those photos? Did HRH notice that those cats were. . . moving? Chasing mice? In other words, catching their own dinners? Staff might get the wrong idea. If I were RC, I’d be more cautious about complaining.
Nancy
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RC Cat: “We understand your concern, but We make it clear cats often make tutorials for staff such as the proper dinner components and how to obtain them. Although We must admit a couple of those illustrations probably showed entertainment brought in by staff for their RCs. Molly it appears will not question carrots in food – especially if served spoonful at a time on her regular dinner. So Staff must stop complaining about all the cans of food stockpiles when We said We would accept this substitution…Staff of course heard, “Oh, hey, this is yummy” instead of Our clearly stated “Oy vey, Our tummy!” So hard to train staff. A grateful cheek pat for your kind concern!”
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Staff should have known better than to tempt RC Cat with something as non-feline-food as carrots! It is good that Molly will take the stockpiled food instead. I do hope Staff will find something appealing and appetizing for RC Cat soon!
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RC Cat: “We have approved a new can. It is worthy and not expensive and some say, “ordinary”. Staff wrings hand over “healthiness”, but We have never had the ordinary tummy. Our vet shook his head early on (when We were tiny, and in dire condition) proclaiming,”She’ll eat it, and it works somehow for her. She’s healthy, so while it’s not what most would recommend, you’d better just go with that one.” There. Better is the enemy of good. We have chosen. We send a cheery paw wave hoping you have some weather nice enough to open windows and enjoy the scenery.”
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