Your Audience Granted.(Quickly, now.)

Again?

Sigh.

One must, I suppose, make allowances.

Do not expect eye contact.

I am quite capable of listening to inconsequential prattle while engaged in more serious tasks such as continuing a mental debate over which feather I wish to obtain from the Tribute Avians flown in for my perusal and selection.

Now what is you request? Briefly. Don’t dawdle.

Some diplomatic issue?

Territorial negotiations.

Not a suitable topic for discussion. You have permission to withdraw.

Oh, you brought a mousie gift. Place it here, by my paw.

We are not amused.

It has an odd colored tail.

Please remove it.

We cannot be bribed. Certainly not by defective mousies.

The very idea.

You may relay that Our demand to move the barrier gates to the entrance of the long hall is non-negotiable. In our graciousness and as a show of good faith, We are willing to concede the kitchen, dining room, and living room to the other party. Out of kindness and benevolence, We will only retain the sunny window rooms, the study (necessary in order to maintain a firm paw on the business of the realm),  and Our grande suite with amusing views.

Cease that shuffling.

Why are you approaching unbidden?

Why, yes, Greenies are always welcomed.  

But be aware, we accept them only as a token of friendship.

Now, back to the issues at paw.

Wait. By my whiskers, there’s a delectable morsel, I mean, a delicate sight: that bird on the bush there. Intriguing, do you not agree? As an honored guest, you may open the window. You will enjoy this. I will gently nudge that loose corner of the screen and invite that remarkable creature to enter our residence.

It will be entertaining, trust me.

No, you demur?

Well, it is probably for the best.

Too much excitement for a delicate creature such as yourself.

Still, we would think fondly of your service if you would simply assist us by opening that window.

Considering the concessions you seek, it would be wise to curry our favor.

Open my window, and open your hall? Stranger things have occurred.

We suggest you meditate on that.

This audience has become tiresome.

Before you leave, that mousie, the odd one –

May as well leave it behind. It would be less than gracious to refuse a gift, no matter how poor it is. Perhaps said mousie can be reconsidered and gain favor in times of great need; during a mousie drought.

Audience over. Our paw has waved.

Fini. 

And don’t forget to leave an open can of food in the doorway as tribute.

Adieu.

I am RC Cat and I approve this message.

Related post: : And you are here, why? (Click sidebar tag RC Cat or pets)

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