High Jinx and Low Winks

“On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.” (Author George Orwell, 1903-1950)

There’s lots of drips around – the ones from over a week’s worth of rain much less bothersome than a few others pouring out in public.

“Hey, it’s goat tea party time!”(USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Take that G.O.A.T. thing: “Greatest of all times”

What a burden to drape on someone – usually thoughtlessly awarded at the worst possible time – when pressure is the highest. Don’t they understand they’ll jinx them?

First it was our local gymnast and Olympian Dominique Dawes. “Awesome Dawesome”: was enough when she was competing. Putting “G.O.A.T.” on her clothing and all over media was tempting fate. Just too much.

Looks like Tennis star Serena Williams was the latest to suffer from well-meaning fans screaming accolades in the stands.

While maybe not baaaa-ing out in the style they might have preferred, G.O.A.T looks pretty good on them now.

One thing that will get your goat is all the antics of new dog, HRH (Happy R Hank).

There’ always shakedown crews (We ain’t going anywhere, but the crew here is really shakin’ down by exhaustion). 

At the sight of a cat, Hank can leap vertically high in the air and spin like a ballet master. Quite a show. Just hang on to the leash for the landing and easy to anticipate ballet reindeer-style lunge. Dog whisperer would probably scold us for laughing. Actually he’s slowed down those little performances as long as we see the cat first and warn him not to try…

But you know cats…mischievous creatures; some think it’s hilarious to lurk out of sight until the last second. 

“Did you see that fool dog get tangled in the leash and almost fall down? Let me check my watch. It may be time to saunter on back over by that hedge along the sidewalk and see if we can do it again.”(USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Yesterday was pretty calm – if you dismiss the snatching of my toast when the phone rang, noticing the toothpaste tube on the counter had been quietly snagged off for examination, and about the teeth marks on the new light-weight pet-hair cordless vac.

“Mom, I was just trying to get those lingering dog hair strands wrapped around the wheels for you while you washed out the collection canister. Helping R Hank!”

Now that the results are back, Hank is dripping with some high and mighty attitude. 

Our new vet and his wife work closely with the local Husky rescue group. Dr. Vet was pretty amazed that Hank was a street stray. Kept saying “you got a really good one there.”

Intrigued Sr. Staff decided to DNA test Hank. Like it matters.

Sr. Staff sent Molly Malamute’s slobber for DNA testing a few years ago. The results came back with wrong name, “male” as gender, and the wrong owner’s name. When we asked politely for Molly’s report, the company rep was pretty ugly and said “We don’t make mistakes.”….but “male, wrong dog name, wrong owner’s name???” “It’s a typo” she screamed. “Just a typo – That’s your report.” UH, no. Futile to ask and no retest offered. I was so not inclined to chase that unicorn again for Hank. Who needs the aggravation? 

But it’s been a few years and this is a different company, so for laughs….

Hank, as it turned out, is 100% Siberian Husky DNA – no other dog DNA except for a good amount of “wolfiness” = high number of ancient wolf genes. 

Any wonder HRH is feeling pretty wild and wonderful?

Resisting any suggestions to change his name to something more arctic-y or regal. He’s just Hank. Low key self confidence. Sign of someone knowing who they are. 

Although Hank is the perfect animal shelter poster dog. Proof no matter what kind of dog you simply must have, there’s one waiting for you in a shelter. Waiting…waiting…

I’m also rather amused that the dog DNA company also sends information on dogs in their data base that show some family relationship to yours. Sort of like Ancestory does with people. Lots of dog owners (not us) have upload their dog’s pictures.

It’s like Facebook for dogs.

If you choose to “connect”. 

“Admit it. You ain’t nothin’ like a hound dog. You stole some DNA from an unguarded dog bowl. No pack invitation for you!” (USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Uh, no. My dog doesn’t need a screen hobby. 

We’ve already been messaged from another rescue shelter dog parent in Austin whose dog has 30% shared genes with Hank (She calls them cousins!), but is a lovely, yellow flop-eared haired Lab-ish dog  – and her parents live in the area near us, so maybe a playdate sometime?…

Amused but, polite paws to decline. 

Hank, yawned and  muttered something about, “Once you win the lottery or become royalty, distant relatives just come out of the woods…..” 

Perhaps if you replaced the words “human beings” with “dogs”, the Orwell quote at the top would be equally valid?

But don’t quote me own that.

A couple of wink worthy sayings from Benjamin Franklin:

• “Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”
• Now the most important one for the Labor Day barbecues: “Beware the hobby that eats.”

Happy hijinks and may the only drips in your day be dinner dripping from your chin.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

“Hobby or habit – doesn’t matter. HRH is in the house.” (© image)

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