Fire Dancer’s new heights

Can’t look. Don’t want to see. The blinds tightly drawn. (911 on speed dial)

It’s the fire dancer teen who lives behind us out to damage himself in a new way.

Spring green on crepe myrtle branches (© image)

Apparently he’s taken up landscape artistry which might not sound risky, but he’s all “walk on the wild side”.

You know teen boys.

My neighbors and I have back-to-back crepe myrtles a wooden fence in between. The builder put crepes in because they are pretty – ours white; theirs pink.

If only the proper size variety has been selected instead of the cheaper 2 story-tree size.

The previous home owner solved that size issue by simply chopping the trunks brutally every Spring

Those hatch jobs create ugly knobs and scars covered by a disorganized summer foliage reminiscent of Sideshow Bob’s hairstyle.

We thought the new owners had also decided to take the easy way out and let the tree be a tree. Lots of nice shade and waving colors.

But no.

Ugly knots on trunk of Crepe Myrtle are the result of years of  bad trimming technique. Lumpy branch nub never intended as a step. Where’s the OSHA warning when it’s needed? (© image)

I looked out and there was the kid: perched precariously balancing one foot on the fence and the other on a wobbling, butchered tree knob – wildly swinging a huge ax fully extended in one arm slashing in arc fashion at unwanted branches.

Not a little hatchet like in a bar “Ax throwing” contest, but a Paul Bunyan size lumberjack ax.

The kind dad always said, “Never stand behind anyone using one of these because the head will get loose and fly off.”

Now, it’s nice he’s taking an interest in Spring yard cleanup, but a ladder and hand tree saw are the usual tools of choice.

We debated whether to offer him ours, but with so many so quick to sue if anything goes wrong…

I’m hoping he’s spiffying up the backyard for a pool party with friends and is simply making sure there will be no sun block except what comes in plastic tubes.

(Where are those Home Depot and Lowe’s flyers when you need them? Pitching them over the fence wouldn’t be too intrusive, right?)

Nothing like living in a neighborhood with a wide range in age.

Nothing like real heart stopping reality “window TV”.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

Crepe myrtle on the other side of the fence that thought it had trained its’ owners to recognize and respect natural shape of plants. Is it lifting branches high pleading for intervention? Maybe it it worked. It got hot and kid went inside.  (© image)

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