Chirping to the buyer

You know the movie “The Birds”? Like that: strung out on the wires, ominously watching, silent until…they turn.

Take too long loading in groceries? Chirp. Chirp. Chirp!

Hesitate deciding between mayo and mustard? Chirp. Chirp, Chirp!

Attempt to glug some milk out of the carton without anyone noticing? Chirp. Chirp. Chirp!

We’ve got HRH RC Cat. The last thing we need is an appliance deciding we require training.

Melodic, not bossy. With an obvious off switch.(Gavin Douglas/Commons.wikimedia.org)

First it’s all, “Oh, a just gentle reminder – for your own good.”

Before you know it, the dog is jittery, huddled at the back door looking for an exit before bravely confronting the black stainless fridge with, “Stop. Chirping. At. The. Mommy.”

Bulk and cold steel doesn’t make right – in countries or refrigerators.

Unfortunately – while hesitant to say it out loud as they may all be connected and listening – the surge of power confidence seems to be leaking over to the new fancy smoke alarms.

Not intelligent of us, perhaps, to choose the smart ones.

We just wanted ones that would notify cell phones if they started shrieking when the fur children are home alone…I know. Hard to believe, but sometimes we do go out without them.

Somehow these little square ceiling guardians even look like they take their work so seriously.

So bright.

Really. Like airport runway bright.

There’s a motion detection feature that tells each unit to turn on an other worldly, pale green ring of light – like a nightlight – as you walk under them.

It sounded like a great idea.

RC Cat loves it: each night as she stomps down the long hall making her promenade to the bed, little halos glow in sequence. She now thinks she’s a famous fashion model spotlighted on the cat walk. (We have firmly told her, no furniture or cosmetic line for her, though.)

She’s also found that in certain locations on the bed, she can flip her big fluffy tail and voilà: a halo appears on command. It amuses her greatly.

It’s like alien space ships arriving in the middle of the night. The rest of us, including the dog, groan and clinch eyes shut until the cat-trained special effects module goes back to sleep.

Apparently she’s used her nocturnal wake time to turn the smoke alarms into her minions.

Toy makers created mechanical imitations of people. Should we hide those so AI doesn’t get any similar ideas? (Thomas Quine/Commons.wikimedia.org)

We are secretly, searching the instruction guide for the dimmer or shut off switch. We bought them, installed them, and pay for their charges, so it should be us giving the orders.

Mumbling the “D” word: “disconnect”. You can’t be too careful – they are listening and learning.

We hope they are all like Wall-E.

Don’t know if Apple watches and cell phones finding themselves in a repair center closely observed the Polish cow’s escape attempt of powering herself to an island (Sadly, the cow tale recently ended as people tried to capture her). Maybe the devices plugged into the idea of calling 911 to save themselves.

Have to question their circuits. These days you can’t always count on help from authorities, though. Better rescue yourself.

So wonder if next they’ll attempt calling Uber or Lyft and try to hide out in a junk store. Should be safer hiding in plain sight like the other Polish cow hanging out with a bison herd. (Run Buffy-wanna-be, run!)

Smarties just feeling their jolts.

Not that I’m opposed to machines and robots. Actually I’d like one like the video below. (There would have to be a cat prevention obstacle.)

How do you ask in Korean “Does it do windows, put up ceiling fans, and keep snippy little appliances in their place?”

Not the boss of me…yet.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

 

 

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