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December 14, 2016 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Evening traffic

Fast cat on wheels. ALL rights reserved. Copyrighted. NO permissions granted

Yes, cats do wheelies. Spin on a dime. Normally the wheels are invisible. Stop motion photography allows the lesser species to view. Count yourselves lucky.©

We do not feel it is necessary.

Our nightly journey to the memory foam Plateau of Repose should not be disturbed by a large, oaf footed malamute.

Even if she smiles admiringly. (She’s been taking lessons? Christmas worries, for good reason.)

Any attempt to escort without permission is completely inappropriate.

We, the old well seasoned Regent of the Realm should not be expected raise The Paw at this attempt of “longing to be close to you“? Pish. We find the song annoying also.

Obviously an attempt by The Molly to impress Santa.

We do not wish either to feel her hot breath on Our tail – even if We show disdain by facing the other direction, We know the rude creature is there.

It is not funny. It is not cute.

Well, of course Our tail is cute, but you Dunderhead, we were discussing the liberties being taken by the dog.

In addition, We strongly protest the incidents of The Molly trying to cuddle into Our good graces along side Us on the Grand Plateau.

1.She blocks the moving air from the fan.

2. She has such girth that We tend to roll downhill towards her. Most disturbing. That’s when We seem to have unsettling dreams of falls of the Grand Canyon…and not the watery falls.

3.An equally comfortable sleeping pod has been provided for her directly under Our nocturnal loft. So we can keep an eye on her and lean down to give her a whack if necessary.

We are not so ancient that Staff is required to escort Us to Our spot and We resent any bumbling arm efforts to Uber Us. Let those scratches be a lesson in protocol and etiquette…

Glaring mad cat. ALL rights reserved. Copyrighted. NO permissions granted.

We are not kidding. Does it look like We are kidding? No.©

The formal retiring promenade down the hall shall commence each evening once Staff and The Molly are respectfully in their assigned spots.

The ground shakes  wood floors shall echo from Our mighty stomp march. And by then We’ve usually had a soothing session with Our mousies and are feeling pretty good

Now that this matter is cleared up, that is all.

Resume your daily duties

Audience completed.

And don’t forget to leave an open can of food in the doorway as tribute

Santa is watching. Too.

I am RC Cat and I approve this message.

crown

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12 Comments

  1. Kate Crimmins / Dec 14 2016 7:48 am

    Even fellow felines are not allowed touching when sleeping. Or maybe that’s just Hazel (flatulence you know! That cat can fumigate an entire building.) Our crew needs a bigger “platform” as there is just enough room for three cats. Two humans is pushing it and congesting the area. Santa will be consulted. Humans can go to the moon surely they can make wall to wall mattresses.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 14 2016 8:51 am

      RC Cat: Enough lanes on freeways and room sized beds. Sigh. We can only dream. A soft cheek pat waved in your direction for your sensitivity and astuteness.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. PiedType / Dec 14 2016 8:52 pm

    At my son’s house, the cats sleep in piles … wherever they choose. Canines are denied access to the platform. At my house, only the human is allowed on the platform at night. During the day, who knows what goes on back there.

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    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 15 2016 7:41 am

      RC Cat: Each has assigned seats here. We must assist staff to sleep by warming feet and relaxing massages once the light are doused. Then We demand payment of a few chin tickles for Our efforts before strolling over to Our heated fleece cloud in the windowseat. Staff is far too restless to stay the entire night on the Grand Plateau. We have been rudely launched across the dog once too often. The Molly, however, seems to think if she sneaks onto the plateau she can stay on the plateau – day or night. Sigh. Santa’s taking notes, Molly!
      A cheery paw wave for your fluffy note!

      Like

  3. 1bl0gr3ad3r / Dec 15 2016 11:31 am

    Serene greetings of the season to you, Ma’am, from our home in the frozen lands of NW Missouri. We suffer similar atrocities with our staff; we wonder if the purrsisent noise from the inside window box has some bearing on their insensitivity to our Positions. For example, tribute is rarely offered appropriately, although they do attempt to find pleasing varieties of Mousies and ground-living Birds for our amusement. We would inquire if your staff has allowed Your Highness to be disturbed during moments of relaxation with the moving red creature? Our staff allowed this unknown, but small and brightly colored creature into our abode without our authorization… we have spent much energy working to banish the red creature ourselves, or to demand respect for our Positions. However, it is extremely elusive. Just as we have implemented the firm claw-grab, it somehow disappears. Our staff are not apologetic; in fact, they are quite cheeky in refusing to learn from our stalking examples. Too, this creature seems to awaken in the time between the evening tribute and the processional march to our platforms. We are fortunate, Ma’am, in that our last canine interloper crossed the rainbow bridge some time ago. Staff seems to miss it, but We do not. Hence, our platform positions are undisturbed , while our repose is rudely interrupted by loud noises mid-slumber; the humans investigate, but do not return to the platform; this happens much too often. Please pardon our lengthy post. It is so infrequently we hear directly from you. Best Wishes for Your visit from Santa. We do hope the Molly behaves. Canines…such a bother. Very respectfully, the Clan of the Bluffwoods

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 26 2016 12:52 pm

      RC Cat We were so pleased to hear from your realm. Unfortunately Our slow response is the result of an over indulgence of new holiday mousies. One must not leave them alone too long or they might feel unwelcomed…or the dog might attempt to console them by transporting them around the realm – just like a tour guide, The Molly insists, but we have Our doubts.
      That strange moving red creature seems to have invaded multiple realms. It seems to my recollection that one did visit long ago when We were not old enough to be the RC of the Realm, but it’s illusiveness and odd jumpy behavior resulted in total lack of interest…possiby because we found it so entertaining to stalk and pounce on The Olde Tiger, RC at that time. And the red creature did not have the luxury of feather fluff as the flying creatured on a teather that often accompanied a crazed staff. We finally became skilled enought to capture and ground the feather pest – subduing it – but oddly it would often become re-energized if Staff reappeared close to it. Finally We learned from Olde Tiger that it was more enjoyable and energy efficient to gather mousies and sit on them.
      Staff and dogs. Sigh. How difficult to train. But as enlightened species, We must try.
      Stories from your Realm are so enjoyable.
      A holiday paw wave to you and your realm!

      Like

  4. heretherebespiders / Dec 15 2016 5:28 pm

    The horror never ends, poor baby.

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 26 2016 12:53 pm

      RC Cat: “Only with the help of mousies do we manage…A cheery paw wave in thanks for your visit and astuteness”

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Audrey Kalman / Dec 16 2016 8:43 pm

    In this castle, the felines do not have to deal with any other non-human creatures and thus have the run of the house/bed/couch/floor/lap. Though Staff has been contemplating a visit to the local animal shelter “just to look” at adoptable dogs…

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 26 2016 12:57 pm

      RC Cat: “We strongly advise a counseling session with staff before it is too late. While a dog can be useful – and entertaining at a tall distance, clear territorial boundries must be established…and a policy about muddy paws and tail sniffing and mousie disappearances. Also it is necessary to mandate that while the RC Cat of the Realm may sample dog dinners, the dog is never allowed that option. Yes. Yes. Quite important to have clear expectation by the dog…
      An encouraging paw wave to you for the new year.”

      Liked by 1 person

  6. sportsattitudes / Dec 21 2016 11:00 am

    RC Cat, while you are rolling downhill please keep in mind how much Molly looks up to you…literally if not physically. The attempts to co-exist on the Grand Plateau should be taken as a sign of respect and a desire to be one of the realm. I do not think Molly is being seasonal so much as sentimental. This time of year brings out the best in all of us. I suggest (as I gently push a six-pack of cat food cans into position) you revisit Molly’s visits. I think Molly is your No. 1 fan…even while standing in front of the fan.

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 26 2016 3:56 pm

      RC Cat: Sigh. Purrhaps you are right. The Molly tries so hard to please – even to trying to force Us to jog faster around the house for aerobic exercise despite Our natural inclination to stroll with great dignity. And We are not just saying there is some positives about the creature because We are lulled into happiness from such lovely canned gifts. A cheery paw wave for your wisdom and kindness….(you best go while We are rolling in gravy…literally…paw waves!)

      Liked by 1 person

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