Wayward sockies. Blowhard Vegetable Invaders.

Dear Molly,

It’s not what it looks like.

Although Holler-Ring approaches, this is not, I repeat NOT, a costume trial run. Who could run in these? ©

Your recent letter cheered me. As you can see, I am floored at the moment.

I was going about Realm’s business when I spotted some of Person’s disorderly sockies.  Worried the pair was attempting to slip under the door and slid down the hall without benefit of feet, I gathered them onto the couch and sat on them to keep them warm, cuddlie, and contented until Person returned.  There is no tooth truth to the rumor I was attempting to mouth them soak stains out resulting in dampness.

More disturbing is that Person misinterpreted the scene as a wish for sockies of my own. She seemed so willing to share that I didn’t have the heart to protest. Somehow I must discover a way to jerk these darn things off without tearing them diplomatically decline her gift.

Sigh. Being RC of the Realm is much more difficult than expected.

Perhaps that is why the RC is usually a cat.

Are there some ancient cat secrets about telekinesis and brainwashing mental telepathy with people? If so, no point in asking them to share. Cats.

But to respond to your inquiries, yes, it appears the Vegetable Invasion is growing.

Giant orange vegetable seem overjoyed to be under authoritative paws. (Something to crow about there.)

The infestation is even worse here.

Just like rats that get abnormally large around wharfs, the orange vegetables rolling around the neighborhood must be rooted in something ultra rich.  Or possibly bloating up on designer mulch and remodeling dust?

No attempt to appear insignificant, these giant vegetable are full of themselves. Their odd whooshing calls hum loudly in the night air.

While these vegetables may only be blowhards, it would be wise not to get too close. Many seem to be quivering with energy and ready to bounce.

I advise stomping aggressively when near them.

Nose up, ears back, and lip hinting at teeth ready.

Even if Staff is mesmerized and tries to stop, keep walking briskly showing no fear concern. No tail wagging at the people smiles. We must make wise decisions for Staff when confronted by possible rows with veggies.

Just as a precaution, here are some tutorials from the Hard Dog Fast Dog Competition.

If events go as usual, the orange lumps should quickly disappear after Holler-Ring.

These veggies invaders may be frightened by large numbers of costumed children running and yelling in the dark.

Or are even allergic to wafting turkey dinner smells.

Still training is a wise a precaution, in case some linger and appear to be the rotten sort.

Be brave, dear Molly. I am confident you have the skills to turn away any intruding vegetables if necessary. You can tell me. That cat’s hiding on the top shelf in the closet again, right?

Now I must close. This sockie issue must be politely resolved.

No possibility of showing a powerfully veggie-terrifying strut in purple sockies.

No way to hit that 32 mph of the competition runs.

Can’t even get across the hardwood floor to the food bowl without risking foot loose.

How to break it to Person?

Sigh. As I said, being RC of the Realm is much more difficult than expected.

Yours in fur,

The German

Paws for peace.

 

 

 

 

 

---

Discover more from Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge

Subscribe to get the latest posts to your email.