Voices…strange little voices

You know Archie, all the little voices can’t be wrong. (.1974 All in the Family.CBS/US PD:pub.date/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Inside voices.

But not sure if these are actually what was meant.

You can’t run far enough.

Stalking by any definition.

Some tune stuck in your head wasn’t enough, now there’s the irritation of talking objects.

Do you remember those freakish car alarms that admonished if you got too close?

“Step away from the car!” The car alarm would bark in it’s best Knight Rider voice.

“You are too close. Step away from the car.”

And it would continue to scream even as the baseball bat or tire tool bashed in its’ little hood or door.

People didn’t like getting yelled at by a car.

Owners might as well have painted a bull’s-eye on the car with a sign saying “Smash me!”

(And that was before people became rageaholics and prone to violence as they are today.)

Most owners figured it out pretty quickly and disabled the stupid thing.

So what are they thinking with these two new little voices?

Attempting to drive people completely over the edge, then haul away targeted individuals to the loony bin?

That’s one way to win an argument.

Knowing what’s best for you, the USDA is cheering a new way to encourage healthy eating!

You buying anything they’re selling? (1974.All in the Family CBS/US PD:pub.date/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Get ready for cheerful $30,000 talking grocery carts that will compliment you when you select food on they deem healthy.

 “Grocery stores to be forced to get high-tech carts so shoppers make better food choices?”

That should really help bring food prices down.

Especially if the stores have to follow the other suggestions of the 80 page USDA report that hopes to “Change the choice architecture of the food retail environment.”

• Store employees will act as “ambassadors” and explain incentives and different reward programs for choosing certain foods. (One suggestion offers free movie tickets if healthy food purchases are made!)
• Store visual displays, signs, ceiling banners, shelf talkers, and freezer door clings could point the way to healthy food choices.
• Grocery stores could create “healthy aisles and place targeted foods in more visible retail space”.
• USDA will recommend standards for how shelves should be stocked.
• And of course stores must change healthy promotions every so often so shoppers do not “become bored” or ignore all the signs and stuff.
• (Maybe the USDA will just open their own grocery stores. It’ll be optional to shop there. At first…if you like your grocery store….)

Now doesn’t this all sound like FUN!

The USDA seems to think those exhausted workers running in after work to pick up some groceries quickly will be amused and encouraged by game show techniques and scavenger hunts.

There was a little voice coming out of the shelf that said if I bought this, we’d get free baseball game tickets. (1976.All in the Family.CBS/US PD:pub.date/Commons.wikimedia.org)

So let’s see, considering the fate of those annoying car alarms….

You want the baseball bat or shall I attend to the cart?

I know, why risk shoulder injury when a shove into traffic is just as satisfying?

(Do you think the resourceful thieves will roll them to the pawn shops or straight to recycle-for-money places?)

Yes, we hear you….and they will,too – with Toyota’s help.

A new feature is making some noise in the 2015 Toyota Sienna minivans.

(Could also health related. Imagine that.)

Something unsettling about this car’s smile….(2015 Toyota Sienna/Image: toyota.com)

Understanding parents are so stressed and tired, Toyota has added some reinforcements.

With seatbelt mandates, the kids in the back know drivers can’t reach around and grab them like Homer Simpson does. Won’t risk a possible wreck.

Vocal cords can just strain so much. There’s a limit to how loud and how often parents can shout “Don’t make me come back there!”

Toyota’s answer is Driver Easy Speak.

There’s a built in microphone for the driver that delivers amplified threats and warnings to the little charmers through speakers in the back seats.

The company says no need to strain or raise your voice, but you know drivers will anyway. Habit.

Wonder a bit about that.

Any chance of busting ear drums with amplified shrieks? I’m sure they thought of that. Mom would feel horrid if a moment of frustration caused hearing loss…the kid would use that guilt trip FOREVER.

Any chance we’ll be seeing videos of some drunk high school/college kid in the back befuddled by voices coming out of nowhere? Bets?

Then there’s the horror show potential….Can hear the scripts being cut and pasted as we speak.

Blue, such a soothing color. Other worldly. (Image: Daily Mail/Toyota.com)

The best part is that it’s a one way system: the kids can’t scream back.

Not through the speaker system anyway.

But kids are creative…and have new issue lung power.

It’s a noisy world these days.

Noise pollution seems to be a growing concern.

Silence is golden. Especially with grocery carts and cars.

Don’t want to interrupt the music of choice.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge

Someone at the EPA needs to listen to those little voices of caution and commonsense in their heads.

“Dingell pokes EPA Kardashian tweet”

“EPA water office sorry for tweet about Kardashian app”

(Always knew they were playing games in Washington, DC.) 

Little voices. Save us from strange little voices (1904.US Lithograph/Russel-Morgan print.Yale/LoC/US PD. pub.date/Commons.wikimedia.org)

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