RC Cat awards Royal attention

Are We now expected to soil our paws with others’ duties? Oh, finally. Someone has been sent. Well, come closer so We can examine you. Stand up straight.

Do not gaze at Our mousie.

Do not tremble so. We have rarely been known to bite.

That is a Royal joke, you may laugh.

Laugh. Quietly with intelligence – not guffaws. That’s so common.

Better. The slight smile with a whisper of nervousness is appropriate when in Our presence.

Now an explanations of your duties.

Of course there are duties – and quite an honor for you to have them bestowed upon you.

The paw is waving!

Be still. Have you had no training?

Of course not.

Sigh.

Staff these days.

While We do appreciate the effort to prune, and plant Our outdoor vista, We question the necessity of employing all available staff to do such – leaving Us unattended.

What it there was an emergency?

What if Our food dish was less than half full?

What if – oh, We dare not even ponder it – what if Our mousies were beyond the reach of Our paw?

Sigh.

We have found it is wise not to meow until the milk is spilt and dripping down the cabinets.

We shall be brave and cope with adversity.

We will graciously accept your assistance.

As you can see, staff has been slow in responding to correspondence

We are concerned the sheets of paper are making the path to Our overlook window ledge treacherous. And the constant print on the computer screen is dull and boring. No doubt most of these are thanks for Our willingness to serve Our subjects. So We shall be done quickly.

Now this one here on the computer screen.

We do so love flowers, so these first.

While thoughtful, One must wonder why the sender would flatten flowers to present them by computer. It is obvious that flattening squishes out all the fragrance.

Such a shame.

A flower like this would surely have attracted butterflies.

We love butterflies – for breakfast and lunch.

That was another of Our Royal jokes.

You may chuckle quietly. Breakfast and lunch!

Actually more of a healthy snack: a short aerobic pursuit, then a bite-sized velvety munch.

Don’t you agree?

Ah, well. One must be understanding of those with limited capacity.

We wish to graciously acknowledge gifts from Our subjects by displaying them – even if lacking scent. Still, flowers of any sort brighten a room. These flowers shall grace that space on the wall

Installation may be difficult as the computer screen is so heavy. Possibly requiring some of that gorilla strength adhesive and some large nails? No, not gorilla nails. What, How insolent! You suggest Our nails? Fool, look through that drawer for something suitable.

We must delicately word a memo to Our subjects:

“Please consider that flowers destined for her Majesty are best delivered to the front door and not the computer screen.”

Oh, what is that annoying buzzing and rattling?

We recall that from somewhere.

Zut alors!

That box is jumping to life – wriggling with enthusiasm or danger?

Quick, We must subdue it. We shall pounce!

Have a care, lesser one.

It seems to be producing a single broad flat white tooth – it is possibly sharp enough to cut!

What sort of creature is this that produces one tooth which rolls out in the same fashion as that amusing soft roll on the wall in the water room?

Wait, this appears to be a sheet of paper?

It IS a sheet of paper?

This is a paper plant, perhaps?

We have heard of those, but We also heard those had a distinctive fragrance.

Oh, you meant a picture of the flower is now on the paper?

We are amazed.  No, delighted!

Even more enchanting is that the floral gift is imprinted here.

What a marvel this box is – despite the racket.

It heard Our heart’s desire to display the floral gifts from Our admirers – and it instantly makes that possible.

Such a wonder. Such a helpful servant!

Reads Our Royal mind without being asked.

We are pleased strange box.

Come. Do not dawdle.

The little box was so eager to help We wish to demonstrate Our approval and Our thanks by exhibiting it’s workmanship immediately. Little box’s efforts shall be a beacon to all others who serve us.

We are waiting.

We are not planning to stretch high and press this page to the wall all day by Ourselves.

Apply tape, quickly.

Our paws grow weary and We are sliding down.

Yes. Yes. There by the window. Well done.

It looks lovely, yes. So real. So life-like.

Yes, do you think, perhaps…..Yes.

Before you retire from Our presence, We wish you to open the window.

We wish to welcome the soft spring breezes.

We wish to welcome the earliest of the Monarch butterflies.

It is fitting: one Monarch welcoming another, n’cest-ce pas?

We shall offer to share our floral gift.

Although so grand a sight just might be too much for a deliciously delicate butterfly.

A fragile butterfly could easily be overcome…

Ah, but I could not refuse them the opportunity  to view the floral delight inside if they so wish.

No, We are not ill.

No that is not drool, how rude!

You reward Our indulgence of bumbling untrained staff with such insults?

Ever tolerant, We seek to calm Ourselves: “Purr in controlled perfection”

But We are no longer amused.

Remember I said “rarely known to bite” not “never.”

We shall scowl Our disapproval through the window until Our staff reappears ready to resume their duties.

You have Our permission to withdraw.

Our paw has waved.

Fini.

Do not step upon Our fallen mousie in your haste to leave.

And don’t forget to leave the tribute of an open can of food in the doorway.

Adieu.

I am RC Cat and I approve this message.

Related posts: (Click sidebar tag RC Cat or pets)

“And you are here, why?”

” Your Audience Granted (Quickly, Now)”

 “Tagged: fait accompli (according to HRH)” – and others

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