Troublemakers wear plaid.

Danger in plaid? She wasn’t pouting or anything.

A perfect Campbell’s Soup Kid complete with rosy cheeks. Just a cherub in the back seat giggling with her friends. A carpool on the way home from school – still adorned in those plaid uniform jumpers with white blouses. The shoulder length blond curls had to be natural since they were still springy (That should have been a tip-off?). She and those Goldilocks’ locks bounced as she flipped around to gaze out the Jeep’s side window.

That started it.

Squealing with discovery delight, to notify the others, she rushed to lower the window. Bodies crammed plaid shoulder to plaid shoulder. Chubby arms extended and waved like streamers in the breeze. Outstretched fingers wiggling wildly to attract attention. Odysseus couldn’t have been faced with more enticing Sirens.

But the pretty doggie, not to be fooled.

(You can’t tell a book by its cover?)

Not charmed in the least.

Luckily our tinted car window was closed tightly.

The low threatening – seriously dangerous – growl was a shock. Reacting quickly, I turned only to see the German rigid. Her  head lowered in that wolf stalking position. You know. You’ve seen it on the Discovery Channel: the head and neck sink down between the shoulder blades and shoulders protectively hunched around the base. Teeth forward. And reminiscent of an undomesticated ancestor, she had that unflinching stare: unblinking, unforgiving, intense. Danger on a tense vertebrae. A shove to her shoulder broke the gaze, but not really the spell.

Disappointed, the parade of arms withdrew into their car. The light changed and we were no longer parallel.

Then as if nothing had happened, the German circled, flopped down, and glanced up with a grin as if to say,”What?”

The darkness had passed.

What is going on in that traumatized brain?

At Christmas, a glass ornament fell off the tree and broke. It sounded like a gunshot and breaking glass. She shot up – shaking – out of a sound sleep. We had to let her check every room. It took a while to get her heart rate down.

And there was that Kneeling Santa yard decoration. But we really believe that was in response to RC cat constantly snarling, “I know you took my mousie. Santa sees all and he’s making a list of who’s naughty.”

Don’t even ask about New Year’s Fireworks. Barricaded in an interior room as if expecting a tornado, soothing music couldn’t mask blasts sounding so much like gun fire. Storm of a different sort.

But we were doing so well.

Much less panic. Calmed down enough to gain some weight. More naps. And the German does joyfully entertain herself well with toys: like tossing a ball against the solid couch side and then jumping to catch it as it bounces. It’s really funny to watch her do this repeatedly.

Less barking at people outside. And her bark tone has changed. More of an alert. No longer frantic barking like she fears they will come closer and she will have to do something about it. She’s beginning to understand she is not on duty here.

All she has to do is be.

Car rides are no longer something to dread.

At first car rides worried the German so much she got sick. Worried she didn’t know where she was going or what she would have to do once she was there. Now she’s eager to hop in hoping for a hike or even a trip to the post office. Ah, relishing the glories of sticking dog nose out the sun roof!

So what’s with the Plaid Hate?

Forced to patrol cheap men’s departments in stores? Observed guys in hunter vests in gun stores? Thinks golf attire requires intervention by fashion police? Watched one too many bad Sherlock Holmes movies? Snubbed by a Scotty in a plaid sweater? Flashbacks of scenes with Gogo Yubari from Kill Bill Vol.2? The bagpipes across the street don’t seem to be an issue.

It’s the plaid, not the kid.

Apparently small girls in jeans and sweatshirts are not even worth a glance. Small toddler guy windmilling back and forth across a trail? No problemo. Stroller’s inhabitants with clattering plastic toys? Just rollin’ right past. Not a moment’s hesitation. So what’s going on? Don’t have a clue.

But it’s very plain

to the German, troublemakers wear plaid.

Cloaked in mystery,

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

Related posts in The German’s saga (Click the “Animal” tag in the sidebar)

The German: Homeless at heart

A German’s Ode to Joy

A German Waits for Christmas

Warning: Granny Bites

She doesn’t deserve the reputation she has.

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