Forget London. Houston’s got the Games

Synchronized swimming not splashy enough? Rhythmic gymnastics not the best beat? High jump not a big enough high?

Forget lemming to London for the Olympics. Leap for Houston’s heart pumping extreme games.

Original challenges from the real world.

Gritty events relevant for a new audience raised on special effects, slasher movies, reality shows, and instant media coverage of tragedies world-wide.

Unsuspecting observers raved after catching glimpses of the proposed competitions during April, 2012.

The newest event debuted this week: the “Midnight Rider” 

• Reminiscent of tournaments with knights in armor on horseback scooping up rings with the tip of a lance.
• Event Equipment: Speeding cars instead of horses. Guns instead of a lances.(OK. Less romance. Get real.)
• Objective: While speeding down the road at night, the contestant targets the large white Apple logo on the glass front of the new Apple Store.
• Extra points: may be awarded for other targets after the primary objective is achieved.
• Results of the first run:
  • “Someone fires shots at 5 businesses”  (Video)
  • “Apple’s New Highland Village Retail Store in Houston Hit by Gunfire” (MacRumors.com)

An event worth the gold is the “Bank-it! Relay.”

• Once a day isn’t enough: Houston has raised the bar! (Bonnie and Clyde banking adventures have increased 50% this year.)
• Event Equipment: Participants select a just-stolen SUV with a full tank of gas, GPS, sunglasses, cell phones, and a list of banks by areas. (Wigs, bandanas, and guns are available, but optional.)
• Final Ranking : determined by the number of bank hits during the designated time period – not by the amount of money obtained. (Greed not encouraged.) The Houston record is 4 banks in one day.
• Equal opportunity event:
  • Individual or team participation
  •  “Number of women robbing banks rising” (Video)
• Points deducted: if red dye packs are triggered.
•  Future World Gamers already practicing:
  • “Four Houston Banks robbed in 4 hours” (Video)
  •  “Weekend Brought a rash of Bank Robberies” NPR/kuhf

Highly charged is the “City-wide Car Tag” event.

• A simple concept: basic game of tag. Drivers lead a high-speed game of chase with the police (being “It”) through Houston traffic.
• Event Equipment: Choice of stolen vehicles, smart phones (with Houston traffic apps), and GPS. (Guns are optional for participants.)
• Handicaps for police (for safety):
  • Houston police cannot use gunfire, or hit vehicles like bumper cars. (Bumper cars is not Olympic level sport.)
  • Road entrances/lanes may be blockaded by police relay teams to assist free run by participants.
• Extra points: awarded if the team cars can escape the TV station helicopter cameras.
• Points deducted: if a team member bails or if a bystander grabs the car and crawls inside (only allowed in CA)
• Training video
  • “Police Chases – Why do they Run?” (Video) High speed chases once a week in April.

A guaranteed rough and ready heart stopper is the “Houston City-wide Obstacle Course” – (If  approved. Still in Beta form.)

• Only in Houston! How it is accomplished is a complete mystery.
  • In most places, houses, buildings, trees and lakes do not jump out in front of drivers. Their locations are solid, unchanging. Totally predictable.
  •  With this event, obstacles suddenly appear directly into drivers’ paths.
  • Talk about exciting! How?
    • Earthquakes? Not likely.
    • Fracking? Hush!
    • Drone controlled staged objects? (Domestic Terrorist?)
    • An “Only in Houston” trade secret!
• Event equipment: a powerful muscle car and city streets.
• Note: For added thrills, sprinklers may wet streets if it hasn’t rained.
• The object of the event: Complete the street course without crashing into a solid object.
• The future of this event is in question.
• So far, the obstacles seem to be scoring all the points.
• Drivers wanted. Must be practiced in obstacle avoidance (These drivers weren’t.)
  •  “Car Crashes into House” House jumps in front of Camero. (video)
  •  “Student steals truck and crashes during chase”  Poles jumps in front of truck (video)
  • “Car crashes into Learning Center”. Tutorial Learning Center jumps in front of Chevy. (video)
  • “Car crashes into trees”. Trees jump in front of car. (pictures. article)
• Investigators are examining the city streets to discover if unfair practices are being used by trees, or buildings. 
  • Fake runway lights or strobe lights
  • Stop signs repositioned
  • Fake street signs, or dead-end street signs removed
  • Mobile speed bumps
  • Approaches to railroad tracks suddenly lurching upward
  • Magnetic pulling devices locking onto cars like a tracking beam
  • False car mating calls on a frequency unheard by human ears

Houston is positioning itself for extreme tourism experiences.

Houston: Going for Olympic gold! (image: WIKI)

Positioned as the front-runner for the Modern Olympic Games

Competitions for the new era.

For a younger crowd ready to risk it and rumble!

Houston: Spaced out and Games on!

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge

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