What? Did not the courier deliver the message?
Do not mumble. It is the sign of a troubled or weak mind.
We shall be generous and assume it is low blood sugar. Come along now. Keep up. If you are with Us, none will bother you…despite your attire.
You do know which spoon to use? And not to slurp your soup? It’s chicken. Good for this miserable dreary weather.
A lovely luncheon with Us.
That shall make up for your disappointment.
So unpleasant when routines must be disrupted. Que sera, sera.
It was necessary to tell Staff not fret or worry over a Friday blog post.
“The world shall not end,” We insisted as We ended the efforts by sitting on the keyboard.
Being considerate, We were too kind to mention that visitors might be relieved to find no assigned reading.
Between the party on Monday – and it was a lovely event – such fun to see everyone even if the crowds made it difficult to get to Our vanilla icy cream.
Of course, there was no choice but to welcome the poor German who was suddenly having tummy issues. Nerves? More likely the result of snatching some tidbit off the counter she wasn’t supposed to have. Canines. Such poor eating habits. There’s always the possibility she just wanted a vacation playdate. We were suspicious as she seemed to perk up and feel better in so little time.
“Fishy stink. Three days, fishy stink!” We wailed. To no avail. Sigh.
Staff was being stretched already at that point.
Then the attack in the brush. A red-eye express.
Staff cavorting with canines in the Outer Realm! We know that is what happened. Not paying attention. Silly attempt to run off some dog energy before the rain.
Rain and more rain. Normal creatures would curl up and nap, but not the German nor the Molly which meant staff was busy keeping them busy. And walking in them in the chilly downpours. Dogs have no consideration.
In any case, between all the party cleanup, the wet dog towels, rolling dog hair tumbleweeds, and an eye worthy of a werewolf, We had to put Our paw down.
Staff needs rest.
The post in progress, while already causing chuckles, must be put aside.
No doubt, while you have come so far only to be disappointed about that, you shall be offered a light lunch – with a saucer of tasty icy cream afterwards.
Yes, yes, We can see you are delighted.
Do not make assumptions, We warn you.
Now come along. No dawdling. We know it is tempting to gawk at the Inner Realm’s hidden wonders.
Do not even think of Staff carrying you. We told you. Staff must rest.
You have Our permission to be seated.
Yes, it the light is dim by your chairs. That way your inappropriate attire is not so noticeable. We accept your unspoken thanks.
Please do not attempt to sneak one of the realm’s cloth napkins into your pocket. No souvenirs.
Our paw has waved. Shall We begin?
Staff? We are waiting.
There now. Yes, a petite feast in your honor. Delightful, is it not?
Don’t forget to leave the tribute of an open can of food in the doorway.
I am RC Cat and I approve this message.
I didn’t know. I thought they were green.
They decided to stick together.
Never expected such a low blow. Should have eyed them more cautiously.
In retrospect, I wasn’t as sharp as they.
But who could have guess they had branched out.
Changed from beauty to beast.
Guess it’s true: “Beauty is as beauty does.”
When did they decide to reach for greater heights despite my clear expectations?
Whispering among themselves, “Don’t move until you see the white of her eyes?”
Too worried I’d cut them off at the knees if they suggested a new direction?
It’s true that I’ve been known to step on some toes.
But never realized they might have such deep-rooted unhappiness.
Totally blindsided. I was innocently getting the lay of the land.
Doing a little advanced scouting in the underbrush.
You have to know what you’ve got before you can decide on what to do, right?
Braving ants, lizards, buried dog toys in the mud, I climbed and twisted between fence and hedge in order to protect another.
Molly Malamute throws herself down that narrow passage – crashing her way through – without any caution. Back and forth. Back and forth.
We worried she’d get stabbed in the eye.
Outrageous weekend Pet ER bills to be avoided at all costs so a little bushwhacking planned as a preventative measure.
Cruel slap in the face.
A nonchalant grab of the ankle to trip, understandable.
But nooooo. Not the eye! Not the eye! Ouchie! Ouchie!
Seriously bushes. How about firmly interlocking branches like the thorns around Sleeping Beauty’s castle? Nothing says “We’d prefer to be left alone” than a dense wall of brush.
Unjustified poke in the eye!
Ruby eye is not the same as trendy ruby eye shadow.
No one seems to find it attractive. More of a gag reflex.
And worse of all is the chorus of the entire household:
“I told you to call a yard guy to do that. Just tell him what you want him to do.”
How can you tell someone what needs to be done without knowing what you’ve got?
A good field commander is worth their weight in mulch.
Well, no bush babying now.
I’ve got hedge trimmers and know how to use them.
Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.
It’s done. They have the cold facts.
They always say #5 is the killer.
(Targeted without even a line up? No considering DNA analysis? Now that’s unfair.)
When watches aren’t worn and calendars not paged, segmented time ceases to exist.
Flow creates its’ own current.
So who’s to say end or begin?
In 2011, Philosopher Mouse hit “publish” and pinned one small note on the door of the Universe.
798 posts later. Pitched like breadcrumbs along the way.
Some soggy. Some resonant.
Some actually lucid thoughts. Assorted quirky facts. With hopefully a few giggles tucked in between.
No real plan. Just write.
(Certainly didn’t expect to be hijacked by assorted critters and creatures. There wasn’t a “No paws” clause in the Word Press options. There wasn’t.)
Surprised to have found a tiny niche with readers who stop by to chat.
(Over 4, 000? OK. Realistically, take out the bogus companies, smile but don’t count those who run by to subscribe but never return, ditch the spam and odd languages, then, do your best to wrangle the ones who occasionally wander off to attend to stuff like novels and real life …)
and still there’s a lovely crowd left.
Now that’s cool. No way to say how much I appreciate all those who choose to slip by and flip over comments.
A community totally unexpected.
You guys are a lot of fun: both here and at your places.
Thanks for crossing the portal to wade among the mumbling, mind-numbing notions.
And for recognizing things here aren’t always what they seem and remembering to always bring a sense of humor.
Always on the edge of laughter.
Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.
They laughed at the Segway. Goofy looking. Top heavy with hair smashing helmets.
This new thing is a natural progression: no more battling the weather (Selling point this winter), less worry about personal safety in public areas, and offering emotional protection, too.
The de Young Museum of Fine Arts in San Francisco is rolling with two robots that allow those who can’t get there in person for one reason or another to tour the place.
The creative robot initiative team includes Henry Evans, once a fast-moving Silicon Valley executive now almost completely paralyzed. He may only have eye movement and slight function of one finger, but he’s determined. And smart.
Think of the possibilities.
Robots are already used in some hospitals, why not as personal travel devices?
Enter the Travel-ease Robot. (Trumpets and drum roll, please, Sharks.)
Too afraid to leave your desk for vacation? Rent a Travel-ese Robot.
Your Travel-ease Robot can stroll around a Caribbean Island while you eat lunch in your office. Turn on the sun lamp. Wiggle your toes in a box of sand. Hey, light up an appropriately scented Yankee Candle for added sensory delight. Just like being there!
It’s a health issue. Mental and physical health. Robot rental fees should be covered under mandatory insurance as cost-effective preventative care.
Do it for the kids!
Can’t make the birthday party? Travel-ease Robots will let all share in the festivities. (Just watch rolling over toes, toddlers, and extension chords. Hint: Pay the extra for insurance to cover water damage if there’s a pool.)
Unwelcomed around your ex, but want to see the kids? Great for those awkward court ordered supervised visits. (Legal will have to untangle the possible reach of restraining orders.)
Just consider the wonder of no longer having to sit in the stands during bad weather for kids’ soccer games. No more melting in blazing bleachers during day long swim meets. Be supportive. Be cool!
Travel-ease Robots can even revolutionize family trips
Tired of the whines of “Everyone else is going to Disneyland” but just can’t afford it? Everyone onto the couch and roll right up to the princesses and rides with Travel-ease Robots. Even with the rental fees Disney is bound to charge for the robots, it’s economical: no hotels, food, or transportation costs. Souvenirs? Barter to get some T-shirts with robot rental.
Even Paris seems possible now. No more TSA airport drama. No frantic scramble to get passports updated in time. One wants to see museums while another wants to go shopping? No more problems about where and when to meet back up. Forget the suitcases. Simply settle in on the couch with your own clean restrooms available anytime – no waiting or searching for the proper word. Your local French restaurant is glad to deliver completing the experience. What else is needed?
(Hmmm. Now there’s another business opportunity. Travel agents could facilitate Travel-ease Robot rentals and include as a bonus a box of assorted products shipped from the client’s “destination” to enhance the experience. Sharks?)
Possibilities are endless. A real Shark Tank winner.
Had enough and finally want to tell your mother-in-law what you think? Do it from a safe distance! The face of family reunions could change drastically. (Bound to lower blood pressure, so rental fees, once again, covered by health insurance. Win-win.)
Think it’s cruel to break up a relationship by a text? So much less emotionally draining by robot, yet still saying “I cared enough to show up and do it in person. Sort of.” (“Hey stop kicking. Don’t walk away. Set me upright. Upright. I cared enough to do this face to face!”)
Much easier to tell your boss, you’re sick and can’t work. Screen performances allow for special effects. No one has to see that beach bag by the door or flip flop attire.
Robots are opening the world for those who are stuck in one place or the other.
Intrigued about the museum and robot activist Henry Evans? Watch more here.
Evans uses all sorts of robots daily. Drones let him view his garden and roof solar panels.
Profit driven sharks will quickly make a splash with Travel-ease Robots.
In the future, if more robots perform routine chores, what’s left to keep people out of trouble?
Now there’s a worry.
Probably already been written about in some novel. Only fiction, right?
Wired with thought.
Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.
Know how some can’t drink beverages otherwise? Could this be a humorous hostess offering what she can for those who can’t live without their cubes.
Cold function or foolish meddling?
Mother Nature’s now a Helicopter Parent for the unwary.
Or making a preemptive strike with a straight jacket on the child who trips visitors, then looks up with wide-eyed innocence and “Who me?”
Delicate work by a guardian or busybody?
Or simply, it is what it is.
Slick and to the point.
Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.
Fashion forward llamas at the Houston Zoo are not slow to pick up trends.
One was heard to spit “This will show some limp woven dress to try and upstage our clever running wild relatives. Llamas got herd.”
“Even if stripes make you look fat,” one mumbled. “This doesn’t make me look fat, does it? Worrisome. But beauty is as beauty does. Whatever.”
Already tiring of their whimsy (“Once it goes viral, it’s so over,” one snorted.), they requested staff prepare their baths.
Staff was very glad the pair had not gotten into any permanent paint – or wandered off for tats.
The llamas, as you can see, aren’t shy. Social creatures. Always willing to chew over thoughts with you at the Houston Zoo. No RSVP needed.
Said one of the darling duo as they pranced off, “We’d be delighted for some insider fashion talk. Give us a line, please. We’re considering summer hats…”
No optical illusions there.
Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge