Scrutiny (Not mutiny)

“He’s on the move. Let the caterwauling commence.” (USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

He feels it.

Their watchings. 

Every time he steps out.

You’d think he’d be used to it by now, but still…

“I’ve got eyes on him. Over”(USPD/commons.wikimedia.org)

Across on their driveway, one watches. Silently. 

Peering out a front window, between glass and blinds: another stares without blinking.

Obviously holding the delusion of invisibility, a sleek, jet black one crouches in the gutter – resting chin on the curb – like a detective on stakeout. (Like you can’t see those angular antenna ears)  

“In the mud along the fence. What’s with his Staff? Dogs and humans – what dunderheads. They belong together.” (Zarateman/Commons/Wikimedia.org)

Gillie here. He’s circling the light pole. (Dwight Sipler/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Not going to cower. No head down or shoulders slumped.

Not giving them the satisfaction. 

“We’ve picked him up at the fire hydrant .” (Janos Korom/Austria/Commons.wikimedia.org)

“Iwan reporting. He’s made it to the giant ant ziggurat.”(Paawel/Poland/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Right past without looking – even at the ink-colored gutter lump.

Neither with the defensive: “What are you looking at?”

Nor the preemptive “Don’t mess with me” imitation pit bull chip on the shoulder. 

Simply, that John Wayne “Awe, shucks, Ma’am” square shouldered, looseness – and walking on.

Yep. That same loose jointed, self confident, nonchalant walk.They could be twins separated at birth. (USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Dog own a mission: They are just cats after all.

And who are they to judge – especially when he knows several of them aren’t far from their street walking origins…

“Ginger, following. We must attempt neutrality. each deserves a chance to prove themselves.” (Steve Evans/Feline rescue from Cyprus and now resident of an Alabama farm/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Still, there’s upcoming HOAA (Home Owners’ Animal Association) “New resident review and analysis”.

But Happy Hank Snow isn’t worried:  Information leaked from an unnamed sympathetic meow.

“Hey, I’ve just got a few seconds -I told my Staff there’s rumors of a mouse in the garage next door…you know the early stalker gets the rodent. I slipped the draft under your door. Good luck!” (Anne Worner/Commions.wikimedia.org)

New Resident Evaluation:

Happy Hank Snow, the Siberian Husky. (The Applicant)

1). The applicant, has adopted the understanding that squirrels are not cats and it’s unsportsmanlike to notice them – much less worth chasing them.

2). Applicant does not bolt out open doors, but waits politely for the “Let’s go” signal

3). Applicant looks both ways before crossing the street

4). Applicant adjusts speed of movement to that of Staff …at least for a step of two.

5). Applicant responds to “Slowly. Slow down” when encountering slick, muddy, or slanted sidewalks 

6). Applicant demonstrates a look of total belief when his name is called sharply and desperately –  only to turn and discover Staff sprawled on the ground, frantically holding on the leash. (“Mom? What’s with that? No roadside napping was ever discussed. Mom?”) 

Just repaint this image substituting mud for snow – at dawn, in fog, with continuous rain, and 39 degrees (F), then it’s an accurate depiction of here…(Kenneth Allen/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Recommendations for improvement  

1). Cease the sudden 4-wheel drive halts without warning in the middle of the route to examine invisible bugs or appreciate enticing smells as it causes staff to cartwheel over him. (Although if there was an investment by staff in a vest cam, the resulting footage might prove profitable if submitted to America’s Funniest Video. Audio is recommended. Nothing more cute than Husky talking)

2). Before making medal winning, Olympic quality vaults over the couch arms, determination should be made that the targeted landing zone is free of any person.

3). Continue reduction of Bedtime Zoomies followed by and Spring lamb bounces across the bed resulting of pillows becoming airborne before applicant assuming the “rub my tummy” position.

4). Limit the overly cute, wistful looks at the dinner table…like a starving whale scoping out a seal on an ice flow.

5). Counter surfing, while now done with more stealth, is not advisable to continue dietary health. (The microwave bell is not a dog dinner bell., Just because there’s pizza, it doesn’t mean it’s for you. And no, the warmed tortillas are not rolled up in foil for ease of dog carrying. )

6). An alternative behavior pattern must be substituted for the absolute frenzy of “all small, white dogs are problematic and must be dealt with as such”. Vertical pirouettes, while fewer, should be discontinued. Distain preferably shown by ignoring and marching away. Or the applicant should consider submitting resumes to movie producers or advertisement talent scouts.

Applicant is to be congratulated on the following:

1). His carefulness to step on towels at the doors upon entering house to wipe feet.

2). His cooperation with ceasing to water and mark every furniture leg in the house.

3). His recently acquired “snooze alarm” for early morning wakeup calls

4). His Husky chatty conversations are charming. His translations into human speech admirable.

5). His congeniality with people, easy going attitude, and cheerfulness are to be applauded

“Thanks, gal. Appreciate your friendship and kindness.” (John Wayne and Verna Hillie/USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Hank’s easy-go-lucky attitude is pretty solid after getting a sneak peak.

Besides, It’s a Pass / Fail performance review.l

(Although if this isn’t a star-quality review, I don’t know what is. I’d like to see any meow do better! Even that jet black one who probably needed more than an indoor paw wipe-off after staging a observation post in a gutter.)

So let them look, glare, or whatever.

Hank’s smug: No returned to sender tag needed. He’s made the director’s cut and is already starring in his own box office hit with a cast of supporting characters.

Pawtographs will be available. (Please bring your own tortillas)

(Oh, sorry about the muddy print smudges – he’s nothing if not grateful and enthusiastic)

Hollywood Hank on set.

“You could have put a little butter on that tortilla”. (© image)

Production note: Staff apologizes for absence, but for some reason she is fighting a cough and cold…can’t imaging why….Onward through the fog. (Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge)