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December 2, 2020 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Fatefully treed

Helicopter lifting something heavy over Christmas tree farm (USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Why is a helicopter moving something big and heavy over a Christmas tree farm? What do they know that we don’t?(USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

The reporter leaned forward looking straight into the camera – his eyes big and wide with an intensity enough to rank as 7.0 magnitude on the Richter scale.

Parents wondered if they should cover the kiddies’ eyes.

Whoops, too late.

Nightmares guaranteed.

“Just how dangerous are live Christmas trees?” he asked in a lethal voice.

ARRRRGH!

Every anklebiter watching the show turned with horror towards the green, brushy monster in their very own living room.

The one they picked out and cut down themselves, then hauled out of its’ home.

Was it mad? Furious? Seeking revenge?

Would the tree come to life like in the Nutcracker and swirl those branches around like a buzzsaw or car wash brush?

Flashes of The Griswold’s Family Christmas movie with that insane squirrel attack…and the big-eyed owl in the big city tree even after a long ride seen on the news last week.

Cat in Christmas tree ( Image by Scott Wylie, UK/Commons.wikimedia.org)

“The call of the wild cannot be put on hold – only on paws.”(Scott Wylie UK/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Kids know life mirrors movies and TV. Nothing seems impossible:

Raccoons with scary masked faces, bears, tigers, snakes, monkeys! Anything could be lurking among the branches.

Beware! The Grinch, Bad Santa, or that tormented Elf on a Shelf out for revenge.

As if this holiday season wasn’t awkward and confusing enough, now some news guy has to get overly dramatic and scare the kids to death.

Even the next commercial couldn’t extinguish the flames of the “Christmas tree fire hazard demonstration” in the eyes of totally stressed out little kids.

Two Vintage dressed Children in snow. (USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

“See? It’s not so bad. We can just stay out here until they take that dangerous tree out of the house. (USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Decorate the tree really, really nice and tell it how pretty it is.

Give it lots to drink – trees and adults like that this time of year.

Maybe it won’t pine for its’ home and will be happy to spruce up the place.

(But late at night, maybe detour waaaaay around any Christmas tree, just to be sure.)

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge

Christmas trees in snow. (image: Jimlaneozark/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Yes, peaceful…Stephen King peaceful. (image: Jimlaneozark/Commons.wikimedia.org)

 

 

14 Comments

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  1. shoreacres / Dec 2 2020 7:16 am

    Imagine what it would have been like if today’s media had been around when my grandparents still had live candles on their tree — as did their neighbors. Fear Covid? Just wait until we get around to reasons to fear Christmas!

    Speaking of things in the branches, yesterday I saw a movement in the big live oak I park under. Lo and behold, it was my possum, casually strolling along a limb and nibbling on leaves. Who knew?

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 2 2020 7:28 am

      Just done with the hyperbole. That should have been word of the year.
      Winter must be actually arriving – all the birds and animals have been scurrying around in preparation. Cheered your possum is still around. They are such ancient funny creatures. Could be a Christmas mascot for good attitude: Just leave them alone and they’re fine and so is everyone else?
      We are a bit worried about the young squirrels that nested in the biggest fan palm all summer – their nest blew down in that last storm. At least they are all old enough to find other lodgings…no, not the garage…one did explore the window edge over the front door.
      Stay dry, it looks like a gully washer today. Thanks for lighting up the comment basket

      Like

  2. Kate Crimmins / Dec 2 2020 8:26 am

    We have an artificial tree. Takes all the fun out of wondering what’s really in there. In our area there are infestations of latternfly. Wouldn’t they make a season merry?

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 6 2020 2:45 pm

      Sounds much too buzzy to be entertaining! Years ago when real trees got so terribly expensive (and my mom said those make her sneeze) I raced into a big Christmas store that was going out of business and wrestled a boxed tree I’d kept and eye on until the last day. It’s huge and still beautiful…but this year only put up the medium sized on purchased end of season from Target…it already has lights on it….and with a young wild Molly, it was either get a fence around the big tree or put on up on a short table out of run into while chasing the cat path) Next year, however, the big tree and the train going around under it…the cat can just get out of the way and become the Godzilla-style monster of surprise train attacks. We insist RC stick around for that…(she says she’s just hibernating, not slowing down.)
      Hope you’re finding caffeine and cheer so far this year!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Kate Crimmins / Dec 6 2020 5:24 pm

        Ah yes, animals and trees. When I was a child our putz under the tree had crinkle paper mountains. My cat took a dump there. My mom was not amused!

        Like

  3. 1bl0gr3ad3r / Dec 2 2020 9:44 am

    I was just fine till the Stephen King forest… you know where i live/work!! As a kid, our family tree had fantastic old-world glass ornaments; one is/was a possum hanging by its tail. Hadn’t thought about that in years. Thanks for a good morning chuckle – even if i WILL be more aware when out among…”them” from now on–

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 6 2020 2:49 pm

      Nothing is as good as a Stephen King Forest!
      Now I’m going to have to look for a vintage possum ornament – we only had old style Santa heads, birds with fiber tails, and some antique looking glass balls…and bubble lights. Every so often I run across an old ornament or two at a junk store or garage sale.Treasures indeed.
      Someday I want to see the Stanley’s decorations…without the haunting part HAHA
      Take care and enjoy the days ahead!

      Like

  4. sustainabilitea / Dec 2 2020 11:20 am

    In the mid-seventies when I worked over the winter at the youth hostel in Grindelwald, Switzerland, their tree had real candles on it and it was a very large tree. Amazing but you have to be very careful about where you put the candles!! Trees are put out for sale so early that I wonder how nice they’ll be by the time Christmas is over or early January. Possums? Had one in our yard in Illinois and were quite happy, as they eat evil things like ticks. 🙂

    Back to decorating, but no tree yet.

    janet

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 6 2020 2:54 pm

      I have one small candle and holder that a friend’s mom gave me as a kid. They were old world Swedish and their tree was beautiful. They had a crown with candles and all the traditional stuff. Very cool.
      I didn’t know possums ate ticks. To me they are the original so ugly child that everyone has to love – such ancient creatures….prefer they lodge elsewhere though…their poop stinks so bad which means Molly will search it out and roll in it. Nullifying that smell on dog head, neck and back is not the best way to start a morning.
      Hope your decorating is merry and light!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Anne Mehrling / Dec 3 2020 1:55 am

    Wow! I never thought of all the things that could lurk in a Christmas tree. Our cat ran up the tree and knocked it down. That was fairly dramatic.

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 6 2020 2:57 pm

      Cats see a tree and think it’s there for them, of course. It does make things exciting….the Christmas tree skirt here is adorned with fur of so many cats past…they all loved to hide and peer out.
      Thanks for decorating this holiday comment basket

      Liked by 1 person

  6. marina kanavaki / Dec 3 2020 5:03 am

    A ha ha haaa… Stephen King peaceful!!!!! 😱 😂🤣

    Liked by 1 person

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