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June 22, 2020 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Go Go Daddio

Gut it up. Go ahead. Teeter on the edge

OK, a calculated risk

and with a fudge factor included (always cognizant of smudges chocolate is prone to leave)

Man and car. Fred Ashmore taking a selfie at the Red BAll garage in NYC getting ready to start his Cannonball run. (Image by Fred Ashmore in Road and Track)

Ready to saddle up that Mustang. Fred Ashmore’ selfie at NYC’s Red Ball Garage, the traditional start of any Cannonball Run. (Image by Fred Ashmore in Road and Track)

There’s a drive in living dangerously…better in a rent car.

Fred picked a good one:  a silver (a color all the better to put it in sneak with) Mustang GT. Did a bit of redesigning (like removing the passenger seats and interior fluff, crammed extra fuel tanks (creating a 130 gallon fuel capacity), then drove from New York City to Los Angeles solo in under 26 hours with only one stop for fuel.

“Cross-country Solo Cannonball Record Broken: 25:55” (Pictures and how he did it. Average speed of 108mph.)

“The Mustang GT will not go any faster than 159 miles per hour,” he told Road & Track. “Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.”

His brother said he’d never seen him happier.

That’s one way to spend the COVID shutdown.

Woman with surf board. VIntage bathing suit. 1932 Siasconset Beach. Nantucket Historical Association (USPD. pub.date, artist life/Commons.wikimedia.org)

“Specially designed to be used in shark infested waters. Holes in the surf board to check what’s below before getting in the water. Hmm, harpoon portholes? Surfers can always lasso a bothersome shark with their belt to sleigh ride cross the waves!” (USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

To bite or not to bite. Not slowing down to ask if the motivation was hunger, territory, or just awkward social skills.

I mean, honestly, the shark ain’t talkin’.

(Worried about whistleblower retaliation? Is there witless relocation plans for sharks? You know, they are only “tasting” you to figure out what you are….Some just are a bit clumsy, so I’m told. People so fast to jump to conclusions…and out of the water… unjustified prejudicial precaution.)

“How do we come up with a shark repellent when we don’t fully understand how sharks perceive their environment?” asks Shark Lab Director Chris Lowe.

(Yeah, that’s justice for you. Always about the attacker, not the victim….)

“After attack on boy wearing Sharkbanz, experts question the efficiency of shark repellants”

Called “Gear of the Year” in 2019, Sharkbanz bracket/cuffs use magnetic technology to tell sharks to detour around wearers.

The demonstration videos and customers’ reviews and fish tales are pretty impressive.

Co-founder of the repellent device easily explained why that Florida teen surfer ended up with some forty stitches in his arm. “What happened here is essentially the rarest of shark encounters where Zack jumped off his board and pretty much landed on the shark.”

(Neither was party was wearing a vest cam, so who knows who was the aggressor…. Never get a Grand Jury indictment.)

Zack’s mom wants her money back And probably for her kid to take up something safer …something far away from sharks…like Cannonball racing? Biggest worry there could be loan sharks if he’s buying on credit.

Unless, of course…..

Land Sharks skits from SNL:

https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/landshark/2832305

 Even hikers can’t escape the tangle of bureaucracy these days.

Check out the last items on each list.

Emergency kit list. (from Sierra Club/Red Cross)

Obviously critical need items to haul along: incident form and rescue request form..and pencil. Yep, ranks right up there with sterile gauze pads. (Sierra Club)

“Gee, Zandra, just keep pressure on that massive gash wound while I pencil in the required information on this form…Hold still while I use your back as a level writing surface. Darn, The pencil point broke. WHYYYYY didn’t they say to bring along a pencil sharpener? What to do now? What will become of us without filled out forms?!”

“Uh, what do you think…request rescue by helicopter or 4 wheeler? Any preference? Where the heck to we turn in this request? You think there’s an Owl Post Office like in Harry Potter?”

“Zandra? Zandra?”

LIfe’s zingingly driving adventure.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

 

 

12 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. easyweimaraner / Jun 22 2020 6:32 am

    wow that is great… 26 hours !!! my dad would drive 26 hours too, without a break… at least it feels like that when you dream about highway restrooms while he refueses to stop LOL

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 23 2020 2:48 pm

      Growing up we took long long car trips during the summer. There was no stopping, oh, OK little stopping – Dad was always saying we have to get across they (big city) before 5 o’clock traffic starts. We learned not to drink much liquid HAHA
      Thanks for hanging head out the car windows and riding along

      Like

  2. Kate Crimmins / Jun 22 2020 7:07 am

    You sure find the most bizarre stories!

    Like

  3. shoreacres / Jun 22 2020 7:07 am

    What I want to know is who’s going to carry that rescue request to the home office? That has to be the silliest thing ever. If you’re going to send someone for help, fine — but what if they show up without a properly filled out form? Do the outdoorsy equivalents of the Soup Nazi take over? “No rescue for you!”

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 23 2020 3:00 pm

      Isn’t that the weirdest thing ever? Worse -guess what the original source the Sierra Club copied it from…wait for it…wait…the Red Cross! Figures. The people who during one of the last recent hurricanes here told a volunteer “Just drive the Red Cross truck around so it looks like we’re doing something.”
      Soup Nazi – that’s it. Perfect. Thanks for poking the ant bed

      Like

  4. disperser / Jun 22 2020 8:34 am

    I’ve always wondered how they manage getting across when cops know it’s happening. How is no one reporting a car going by them at 120mph+?

    In spirit, I like the idea of the run . . . in practice, I worry about the safety of the people not involved in the race. The engineer in me knows speed differential is a big factor in accidents (although I couldn’t find any data on Cannonball-related accidents . . . but then, who would admit to it?)

    I get pissed off when local yokels weave in and out of traffic going 20-30mph over the limit . . . luckily — for them and others — I’ve yet to get a permit for roof-mounted machine guns for my car.

    As for the surfboard . . . the board already looks like a seal . . . adding something that looks like eyes seems counterproductive.

    . . . and, I don’t see suggestions in the safety list for minimal pistol caliber or proper scout rifle. Tsk-tsk.

    Reminds me of the old joke . . .
    Two hunters are out in the forest when one trips and accidentally shoots himself. Seeing his buddy bleeding and unconscious, the other hunter calls 911.
    “My friend just accidentally shot himself!” he says. “What do I do? I think he’s dead!”
    “Calm down, sir,” the 911 operator replies. “I’m dispatching help, but first make sure your friend is actually dead.”
    “Alright,” the man replies . . . there’s a pause and then the operator hears BAAM! BAAM!
    “OK,” the man says, “He’s dead. Now what?”

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 23 2020 2:56 pm

      When they started the COVID shut downs, I wondered how many would see fewer cars on the road as an opportunity. Apparently multiple teams drove out. Fred was unusual – not only because of all the fuel tanks, but he didn’t have someone monitoring for law enforcement. He had a radar detector and the usual commuter traffic apps. I think a previous record holder actually had a helicopter up relaying information about cops, traffic, and road conditions. Fred did it old school which is pretty cool. (I wonder what the rental car place thinks of it all…)
      Sometimes in traffic I wish for those deployable springs on each wheel like in cartoons so you can elevate and pass over slow movers…or a giant arm like on a garbage truck to grab and remove some of those tiny (and often erratic ) cars out of the way.
      Maybe some retractable arms on the surf board? Those cut out hole do look something like eyes…not quite stingray shape, but close enough?
      That’s a great joke. We need more jokes these days.
      Thanks for adding some smiles

      Liked by 1 person

  5. The Coastal Crone / Jun 22 2020 2:12 pm

    If hiking is that complicated, you should not go!

    Like

  6. sustainabilitea / Jun 22 2020 4:11 pm

    This has me either shaking my head or laughing…or possibly both at some point. I remember land sharks, so that’s a laugh, and the last item on the list is a laugh/shake head. I’ve driven 16 hours in a day, but I did take a break or two and that was even when there was only AM radio!! Now that’s crazy stuff.

    Don’t know why I suddenly have an urge to watch “Sharknado.”

    janet

    Like

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