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March 20, 2020 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Blonde (Sadly, not beer.)

Woman sipping a milkshake at 1950's drug store Counter (Image from Houstonia)

Ready for some flights of fancy? (1950’s local drug store counter. From Houstonia)

A plane is on its’ way to Toronto when a Blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down.

The Flight Attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the Blonde that she paid for Economy Class and will have to sit in the back.

The Blonde replies, “I’m Blonde. I’m beautiful. I’m going to Toronto and I’m staying right here.”

1950's AIrhostess serving passengers snacks (SAS Scandinvian Airlines. USPD: pub.date, artist life/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Can you blame her? Curtains! Toothpicks! Decorative appetizers! (USPD.1950’s/Commons.wikimedia.org)

The Flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the Pilot and Co-pilot that there’s a blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won’t move back to her seat.

The Co-pilot goes back to the Blonde and tries to explain that becasuse she only paid for Economy, she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The Blonde replies,Β “I’m Blonde. I’m beautiful. I’m going to Toronto and I’m staying right here.”

The Co-pilot tells the Pilot that he should probably have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.

The Pilot says, You say she’s a blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a Blonde. I speak Blonde.”

He goes back to the Blonde and whispers in her ear and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry.” And gets up and goes back to her seat in Economy.

The Flight Attendant and Co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to her to make her move without any fuss.

“I told her. ‘First Class isn’t going to Toronto.”

Hey, it’s Friday and we made it this far…..

(Does that “far” thing strike you as ironic/funny haha/funny perculiar? With Social distancing the thing now.)

We managed to adjust to expanded personal space yet the world didn’t end…

Change is good. Adapt or die…Seriously. Do.

One summer big brother and I were stuck inside due to excessive heat and bored to absolute bonkers, so we announced to Mom we were switching rooms. Desperate for a moment of peace she said, “Fine. I’m going in my room and closing the door. Tell me when you’re done. And she did.

And we did. Kept us busy for hours. Somehow we even managed to carefully slip all the bulky furniture down the narrow hall (We knew better than to ram into anything. We weren’t even allowed to put up pictures because “When we sell the house we can’t have holes in the walls!” Which was very odd as that we never sold the house until we were grown. And when it was finally torn down for a new McMansion, you know there was not one dent or hole in those walls!

Anyway, everyone was happy after the move: we each felt we had the better room (“grass is always greener…”) and Mom got hours to read a library book without interruption.

We can be easily amused.

Take care and feel free to yell over the fence …like we used to before AC and we were all outside – apart, but together.

And now for a great little tune. (and, the blonde beer)

Cheers. Stay safe out there.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge

26 Comments

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  1. easyweimaraner / Mar 20 2020 10:24 am

    love it!! I speak blonde too LOL

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 20 2020 12:11 pm

      We had neighbors who were pilots/flight attendants – they have some hilarious stories. Glad you got a giggle and thanks for serving up a comment

      Like

  2. Kate Crimmins / Mar 20 2020 10:57 am

    Great stories today! At least you and your brother agreed to the change. Better than arguing over who has the better room.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 20 2020 12:10 pm

      Funny that I actually had forgotten that episode until did a bit of rearranging here to make things more convenient. The little maple bench was moved by the front door to make it easier to take shoes on and off with dog walks – the pollen is horrendous here right now.(Only 89 local cases of virus currently). I do hope the little palms that were in the wells of the antique “fern table” survive with less light in the swapped location. If the rains comes as promised those 2 are going out for a perk-up bath. Life will go on with a bit of help…somehow I’ve ended up with MORE stuff to do with this stay at home stuff. Sigh. Extra napping would have been nice.
      Take care. Thanks for loading up a comment into this hall.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Ally Bean / Mar 20 2020 12:30 pm

    Ah yes, blonde jokes. I thought that genre of jocularity had died. As a blonde I’ve rolled my eyes and put up with lots of them, but I haven’t heard one in years. Of course my hair is more gray than blonde now so that might have something to do with it. πŸ€”

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 20 2020 1:08 pm

      Yes, those have been partially replace by “cocker spaniels” and the “poodle” characterizations…for both male and female
      Hitting “pause “on life may spark a bit of retro and vintage revival as we are so easily/desperately willing to be amused?(Blame the beer…)
      Wondering, do those who are not really blonde feel targeted by blonde jokes or do they have natural psychological immunity? Would the reaction to a blonde joke work to determine who was a real blonde and who was a wanna-be. (One of my aunts always wanted to be a blonde and when in her 80’s her hair was so light, it didn’t take much to have that happen. She was thrilled and said she “always wanted to know how it felt to be Marilyn Monroe”…who everyone knew was no dumb bunny.
      This one was actually sent by a friend who is now in CO. They are really feeling like they need something – anything – to laugh about right now.
      Hope you have sunny weather and thoughts. Thanks for combing up a comment to leave here. Take care!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. John W. Howell / Mar 20 2020 12:30 pm

    Super post, Phil. Enjoyed the switched room story.

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 20 2020 1:09 pm

      Glad you got a grin. Laughter really is the best medicine. Take care and may you chuckle long and loud.

      Liked by 1 person

      • John W. Howell / Mar 20 2020 1:12 pm

        Thank you. Laughter does do it. πŸ˜€

        Like

        • shoreacres / Mar 20 2020 6:33 pm

          You might like the true story I recounted in my comment down the page. I’d forgotten it, but I’m sure glad I remembered it.

          Liked by 2 people

          • John W. Howell / Mar 20 2020 6:47 pm

            That was a good story, Linda. In the 45 years that I flew commerical I saw almost everything. My last few years were in first class and that is a whole other story book. I can imagine your friend has a great sense of humor as well.

            Liked by 1 person

          • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 20 2020 7:15 pm

            Ah, First Class – a misty myth many say. πŸ™‚

            Liked by 1 person

          • John W. Howell / Mar 21 2020 6:53 am

            So true.

            Like

  5. pensitivity101 / Mar 20 2020 2:15 pm

    Love the joke.
    When bored and stuck indoors, I’d change my room round. It was always good to see it from a different angle, and also made sure I gave it a good clean. In hindsight, decades later, I often wonder why I didn’t think to put the bed at the top end of the room nearer the radiator!

    Like

  6. shoreacres / Mar 20 2020 6:31 pm

    OK. You started it. This may be a little long, but it’s absolutely true, and I know the airline attendant it happened to.

    She was working long hauls to Asia, and putting in a lot of hours. It was the 80s, so things still were fairly civilized, but there were those “certain” flyers who could be a challenge to deal with.

    On one flight, she was in the process of passing out dinners (yes, real dinners), and for whatever reason, one guy just couldn’t be made happy. This was wrong, and then that was wrong. His plate was too hot, his coffee too cold. Finally, he stopped her for about the fifth time. “Yes?” she said. “This potato!” he said, as he pointed to his baked potato. “This potato is bad!”

    That’s when she snapped. She picked up the potato in one hand, and gave it a half-dozen whacks with the other, saying, “Bad potato! BAD potato!” Then, she put it back on his plate and said, “There. If it gives you any more trouble, just let me know.”

    He never said another word the entire flight.

    Liked by 2 people

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 20 2020 7:14 pm

      The post all started with the Sinatra song, but you comment takes the hot potato cake! How Hysterical. “I Love Lucy” couldn’t top that one. Thanks for adding to the frolicking and hilarity. (Whew – certainly has chilled down from this morning!)

      Like

  7. ladieswholunchreviews / Mar 20 2020 6:33 pm

    Thanks for the laughs!

    Like

  8. Maggie Wilson / Mar 21 2020 4:38 am

    Know what I love about the Blonde joke? That the destination was Toronto – Canadian content!

    Like

  9. Littlesundog / Mar 21 2020 7:10 am

    That room switch would never have worked for me! Of us five kids, I was the only neat and clean one. The others lived like pigs!! Ha ha! Comedy and lots of good laughs are paramount in times like these.

    Like

  10. marina kanavaki / Mar 22 2020 6:52 am

    Ah ha ha haaaa….thanks for brightening my day, Phil! [Blonde jokes are… international! πŸ˜‰ ]
    You too stay safe, my friend! πŸ™‚

    Like

  11. disperser / Mar 22 2020 10:31 am

    How many do you want?

    ~ 000 ~
    he blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of “yes/no” type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet – Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.

    During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

    “I finished the exam in half an hour. But,” she says,” I am rechecking my answers.”

    ~ 000 ~
    Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early every day, so one day they decide that after she leaves, they’ll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know?

    The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.

    The redhead is elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.

    The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs she hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see her husband in bed
    with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closes the door and creeps out of her house.

    The next day the brunette and redhead talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she exclaims, “NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!”

    ~ 000 ~
    After reading many books and articles on the subject, a blonde decided to go ice fishing.

    Checking her list, she prepares all the tools needed.

    Upon reaching the ice, she found a quaint little area and positioned her comfy footstool and started to make a cut in the ice.

    All of a sudden … from the sky… comes a booming voice, saying, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”

    Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a cappuccino from her thermos, and began to cut a hole in the ice.

    Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”

    The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried yet again to cut her hole.

    The voice came once more, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”

    She stopped, looked skyward, and said, “Is that you, Lord?”

    The voice replied, “NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.”

    ~ 000 ~
    There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a businessman coming to quench his thirst.

    She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine.

    Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.

    She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew.

    As she was reaching into her purse again, the businessman who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up. “Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?”

    She looked at him and indignantly replied: “Well Duhhh!, I’m still winning.”

    ~ 000 ~
    The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. “Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “what is 1 and 1?”

    “Eleven,” she replied.

    The sheriff thought to himself, “That`s not what I meant, but she`s right.”
    “What two days of the week start with the letter `T`?”

    “Today and tomorrow.”

    He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

    “Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?”

    The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, “I don`t know.”

    “Well, why don`t you go home and work on that one for a while?”

    So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. “It went great! First day on the job and I`m already working on a murder case!”

    ~ 000 ~

    I better stop now . . . no, wait . . . how about an engineer joke?

    A lawyer, a thief, and an engineer all die and find themselves in a room waiting for judgment.

    An angel appears, takes the lawyer by the arm and puts him in a room. The door closes, and the room begins to fill with boiling oil. As the lawyer begins to scream, a deep voice intones:
    “Because of the way you lead your life, this is the way you will spend eternity!”

    With his screams still echoing, another angel appears and takes the thief to another room. As the door closes, the room begins to fill with snakes, spiders, scorpions, and all sorts of venomous crawly things. As the thief begins to scream, a deep voice intones:
    “Because of the way you lead your life, this is the way you will spend eternity!”

    By now the engineer is pretty nervous. He’s lead an OK life but is unsure how he will ultimately be judged. Finally, an angel comes and takes him to a room. The door closes, and . . . nothing happens.
    “Well, I suppose it’s better than the other two. . . still, I was a decent man. I’d have expected a little more.”
    Suddenly, out from one of the walls, a bed appears, and on the bed is a scantily dressed woman. As he stares mesmerized, a deep voice intones:
    “Madonna, because of the way you lead your life, this is the way you will spend eternity!”

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 22 2020 12:05 pm

      What a way to brighten a day (even the roots).
      Toss up between the murder case and the ice rink for first prize ( I will be forwarding these back to the blonde joke source…who will really get a snort of coffee out the nose with the test one.)
      Hope you’re sunny and smiling. Take care and thanks for such a hoot!

      Liked by 1 person

    • disperser / Mar 22 2020 12:44 pm

      How about a few one-liners (I’ve been accumulating jokes for 40+ years)?

      ~0~0~
      How did the blonde explain how her helicopter crashed?
      She said it was getting cold, so she turned off the ceiling fan.

      How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?
      The green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds.

      Why did the blonde take her new scarf back to the store?
      It was too tight.

      Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath?
      She still hasn’t gotten all the hair off her tongue.

      How does a psychic refer to a blonde?
      Light reading.

      What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket?
      A rebel without a clue!

      How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
      Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

      Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?
      It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

      Why did the blonde stand in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
      She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

      Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
      Toes go in first.

      Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
      To see what was on the other side.

      Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
      So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.

      Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished the jigsaw puzzle in only six months?
      Because on the box, it said “From 2-4 years.”

      Did you hear about the blonde who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
      She had it bronzed.

      Blonde: I was born in the U.S.
      Friend: Oh really, what part?
      Blonde: All of me, silly.

      What does a group of blondes have in common?
      Nothing they can think of.

      What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
      Pull out the pin and throw it back.

      ~0~0~0~
      Some of these are dated because, as I said, many years’ worth. I have some where the blonde turns the tables but I can’t find them right now.

      I also have brunette jokes, but they tend to be more putdowns in relation to blondes.

      I notice a lot of your readers have pets, so . . .

      What is a Cat?

      1. Cats do what they want.
      2. They rarely listen to you.
      3. They’re totally unpredictable.
      4. They whine when they are not happy.
      5. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
      6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
      7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
      8. They’re moody.
      9. They leave hair everywhere.
      10. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

      Conclusion: They’re tiny women in little fur coats.

      What is a Dog?

      1. Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
      2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don’t hear you when you’re in the same room.
      3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
      4. They growl when they are not happy.
      5. When you want to play, they want to play.
      6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
      7. They are great at begging.
      8. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
      9. They leave their toys everywhere.
      10. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

      Conclusion: They’re tiny men in little fur coats.

      OK, I’ll stop now, I promise.

      Liked by 1 person

      • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 22 2020 2:19 pm

        No No – we need all the chuckles we can get.
        (The fur people of the realm totally agree with the selective hearing…but that is supposed to be a secret….I’m doing my best to keep your location from their knowledge…)

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Kirt D Tisdale / Mar 24 2020 11:22 am

    Loved the airplane escapade….smiles are important in this time!! Stay well!

    Like

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