Fowl play. Cuff ’em

“Well, it is waterfront with a balcony of sorts and eco friendly using passive solar heat. Guess the write-up was accurate-ish” Local guy enjoying sunny shelter on a chilly morning in a water flow through channel outlet. (© image)

Had to be some sort of – destroy your day – plot.

The chaos of the parking lot should have been the first clue.

The mob inside were those people-on-a-mission-get-out-of-the-way- how-inconsiderate-of-you-not-a-regular-without-an-established-route-and-no-clue-where-anything-is-yet-here-you-are-slowing-us-down.

You know those people. They are BUSY.

You almost feel like you should apologize for setting foot in their grocery store domain.

The glares would have been worse if we’d had a cart, but only after one thing, a small smoked turkey, we were pretty nimble.

Only optimists would not consider an entire length of meat freezers being emptied as a warning.

But at least the meat guy pointed where the remaining smoked turkeys were in hiding. There were four – must have been identical quads at birth as they were so similar in shape and weight…Weight…which was not marked.

How the heck are you supposed to know not only if it’ll be big enough, but not too big, but also how long to reheat as determined by weight.

And there was no price tag or sign on the freezer space.

Dodging through the bumper carts we located counter people with butcher sea food department coats on – and a scale. Living naively on false hopes and assumptions.

We determined weight, but no price per pound. Counter help was none.

Yet with confidence they said, “It has a bar code. That’ll tell the checker everything they need to know.”

Dashed to the registers.  Sprinted to the smallest line. (Hey, everyone knows those old ladies in the motorized carts in front of you are speed devils!)

Happily watched our frozen turkey conveyor belt its’ way to the finish line only to be crushed…well, it’s frozen, but anything bounce around enough will become smushed like our expectations.

The rest short and sweet:

Checker saw no price and pointed to the back.

Nope. Been there, done that. We pointed to the bar code tag.

Shoppers behind us who though they’d lucked into a short quick exit turned sour.

When the bar code refused to give up any secrets, it was “Meat Counter” (even though we said the seafood guy had said that ship had sailed).

Then, “Billy, register 6 please”. (Billy. Probably code for “maybe they will leave if the wait seems indefinite”)

The Manager (Really? Him? Must be the weekend sub.) was flustered – grabbed the turkey’s mesh handle and helplessly waved it around like a concrete balloon.

He asked the bag kid, who had just been told to assist the old lady in the cart with her 4 new packs of cigarettes and groceries out to her car, to run to the back and ask about the price. Cart lady wins over people stubbornly trying to buy turkey. (We tried “Let’s make a deal…”)

Another bagger was drafted.   He reluctantly grabbed the turkey’s mesh loop handle and slowly saunter off like a kid swinging an Easter basket.

The line groaned.

We were moved to the end of the counter into the swarm of shoppers trying to escape.

I started wondering just how many times had that once frozen turkey flown and bounced from freezer to checker and back again for other shoppers.

The kid came back, tossed the fowl lump onto the counter at a different checker, and ran away.

Yeah, we left.

Maybe steak for Thanksgiving.

Cuff ’em? Oh, “Cuffing” is something of a current holiday trend involving a different sort of turkey. It begins Nov 1 and lasts all the way until to Valentines Day.

Here’s the deal: apparently singles are frantically trying to tie up and secure a significant other so they won’t be alone for the holidays, so they will have someone to show off haul around to parties and family gatherings, and so they will have someone to get gifts from buy gifts for.

Having arm candy is apparently derigueur for the holiday social media/FaceBook season these days.

After Valentines, it’s unlock and time to cruise off into the sunset …to find that new summer love.

A little creepy to me….the analogy to handcuffs and all…

Turkey of a deal.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge

Sometimes I wonder if this neatly groomed landscaped bush ever feels like Clark Griswold did in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation movie when scruffy, broke Cousin Eddie showed up unannounced and without being invited in that broken down RV.  Oh well, a relative. Sometimes you have to be tolerant.(© image)

 

 

 

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