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June 20, 2019 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Deposit required. Now.

Dusty sunset seen on the Island's Bridge. (© image. Copyrighted, all rights reserved, NO permissions granted)

Won if by land. Tú better see. We are keeping the light on.(© image)

Dear Ella (and associates of destruction housemates),

Your update on the foolishness improving environment of your Realm was much welcomed.

Knowing the waves of paws, there has been concern of the health and well-scare of Our graciously loaned Personal Staff. We were obviously not consulted unless it was sleazily slipped by during a catnip mousie daze 

Please note in the negotiated assistance agreement that “any Staff borrowed shall be returned in good spirits, free of dog spit, with no marks of mauling or bruising.”

As We discussed, any attempt to hide paw poundings or signs of being barged into with mud or hair clumps It’s not a souvenir sweater. It bears no resemblance to a sweater. Please do not insult Our intelligence. We know what dog hair smells like shall seriously jeopardize future cooperation by this Realm.

We also wish to point out the claws requiring a deposit. Nonrefundable in the case of Returned Staff Exhaustion. We are waiting.

Your offer of depositing one of the brothers, as you know, was flat out insulting unfortunately rejected by not only Molly Malamute, but also by barely functional remaining Staff.

7 cats making Cat piano. 1883 (USPD: pub.date,artist life/Commons.wikimedia.org)

“Do you see what We mean? The remaining Dunderhead thought this would amuse and entertain Us!” (USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Hedging Our bets, We are stuck like glue keeping a close, supervisory eye on remaining Staff to make sure Realm protocols are not jeopardized and customs are held to standards.

Only Our Head of Personal Staff has complete knowledge of daily routines. Why this remaining Dunderhead one cannot seem to get it into his head that We are served fresh food on a clean plate every three hours is beyond Us.

It is well known that eating small meal throughout the day keeps one’s weight down. Everyone knows exercise is critical for staff. Without Our prodding to run back and forth from kitchen to Our dining ledge (with lovely patio views), Staff would probably weigh as much as The Molly a small traveling vehicle. That would not do. We do have responsibilities to those We decide to mentor. We meow and nag out of kindness.

Obviously, the meals must be small, dainty, and very fresh. Food languishing long on the plate gets disgustingly crusty. It should be obvious that during this dreadful hot weather with heat indexes of 107F, that one must make an effort to take in as much moisture as possible. Crusty food is almost a treasonous action.

Cat at desk. Tales of GInger and Pickles. Beatrix Potter 1908 (USPD.pub.date, artist life/Gutenberg.org/Commons.wikimedia.org)

As said in Shakespeare’s time, “Heavy is the head that wears the frown.” (USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

But as One who is willing to suffer great hardships, as if We had a choice benevolent and determined to assist those in need, We shall stay strong until your realm is once again able to hogtie your own wayward servants fully staffed and running smoothly that’s a laugh once again.

Just FYI

In lieu of Thank You Notes, tribute in the form of canned food is considered appropriate.

Local food repositories now offer delivery. Word to the wise isn’t suspicious.

A great full heart is a happy heart.

Long haired cat sitting in front of window. (© image. Copyrighted. NO permissions granted, ALL rights reserved)

As Joss Whedon says, “Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don’t forget food. You can go a week without laughing.” The man must have been a cat in a previous life. (© image)

crown symbol with message "I am RC Cat and I approve this message"

I am RC Cat and I approve this message.

 

14 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. easyweimaraner / Jun 20 2019 7:06 am

    Phenny is over the moon he wants 87 small meals now every day…. who said a diet is not easy ? it is sure!

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 20 2019 12:40 pm

      Phenny and Co can do that diet thing easily as they are probably very good at nagging their staff as motivation. Paw waves from our pack to yours!

      Like

  2. Kate Crimmins / Jun 20 2019 7:53 am

    Crusty food is not tolerated here. We know about the starving cats somewhere and will box it up for them! Hope you are fully staffed soon!

    Like

  3. colonialist / Jun 20 2019 10:21 am

    Deletions are significant, but are they meant?
    You can go without larfing for years, but is that living?

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 20 2019 12:43 pm

      RC Cat did point out that the source of that quote, who might have been a cat in previous lives, obviously didn’t make the cut and returned as a human…such a slam.
      Thanks for noticing!

      Like

  4. Ally Bean / Jun 20 2019 11:51 am

    I’ve never seen that Joss Whedon quote and I like it. As for the concept of “free of dog spit” I’d say you’re delusional. But dream on my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 20 2019 12:54 pm

      Delusional is easy with small kid, and 3 large dogs…It’s not the heat. Dreams escaping or is that dreams of escaping? That quote gave me a chuckle, too. Glad you liked it. Now run before they hounds wake and think you’re here to play!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. LordBeariOfBow / Jun 20 2019 6:40 pm

    Brilliant! What more is there to say, I’ll be chuckling all day on this one, Thanks Phil.

    Like

  6. Maggie Wilson / Jun 22 2019 4:05 am

    “Obviously, the meals must be small, dainty, and very fresh.”

    Well, obviously.

    Several years ago, I toyed with the notion of making cat food when I was tossing more food than was being consumed by the fussy feline in the house. One recipe writer pointed out the need for food to be at “mouse temperature.” Needless to say, I lost my appetite for the project.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 24 2019 4:51 pm

      This is why we fear the the day the only food RC will eat and digest well will be “updated with a new recipe”.
      Cheers and thanks from this realm to yours

      Liked by 1 person

  7. LordBeariOfBow / Jun 24 2019 12:57 am

    Just come back for another chuckle 😛 Love this post, it really hits the mark

    Liked by 1 person

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