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June 14, 2019 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Lame Pains

Woman with confused look. (Lucille Ball in screenshot/trailer of 1936 Stage Door film (USPD.pub.date, artist life/Commons.wikimedia.org)

“Honey, stop brushing your teeth and come in here and look at this.” (USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Things you just don’t want to see. Summer edition.

This probably shoots their Tripadvisor and Travelosity ratings:

Vacationing tourist turns on the morning news only to say “Hmm, that hotel in the story looks familiar…”

What’s the courteous thing to do? Offer the Swat team and the 14-15 responding officers standing around in the parking lot coffee. Surely, not enough. Access to breakfast buffet, perhaps. The guests seem to have lost their appetite and quickly left.

Deputies exposed to Fentanyl while investigating counterfeiting and drugs at extended stay hotel”

Little boy and girl smiling at each other. Jery Mathers and Jeri Weil/. Leave it to Beaver 1958 tv show on ABC (USPD. pub.date/Commons.wikimedia.org)

“It’s your turn to be the Good Child.” “Oh, no. Couldn’t deprive you of that opportunity. Please, be my guest.” (USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Remember as a kid relishing a not your normal everyday breakfast – not just cold cereal out of the box?

Bacon and eggs (even if a bit runny to my taste) or, even better, pancakes with syrup.

The heavens smiled and the angels sang…until you carried your dishes into the kitchen where you were ordered to scrape and rinse the plates. “What? Touch that juicy, slimy mess? That’s garbage.”

“You were happily eating that garbage a few minutes ago.”

Mom logic. Difficult to counter.

Everyone knows once the plate is returned to the kitchen, it’s garbage. There’s got to be a magic portal or a Garbage Fairy. Everyone knows that. Except Moms. (Snorting at “character building” and “Welcome to the real world”)

Plant borking WordPress (Victoria Song/screenschot/Techcrunch)

It’s a lovely choice. You have to admit that. Plant borking WordPress (Victoria Song/screenshot/Techcrunch)

Nobody wants to start out the day with 503 error message, odd blog themes, or stupid plant invaders. Especially if you are on the WordPress VIP GO platform

About 1:05 pm on. June 11, something got potted. Lasted a bit over 3 hours. (DIdn’t notice, did ya?)

“WordPress is Borked So Enjoy This Glorious Plant That’s Taking over the Internet” (Gizmodo)

The techies were on it. Here’s the “Incident Report for Service Interuption” From there you can scroll back to previous statements.

People may scorn those on WP, but it’s so easy….Leave the driving to them, so you can concentrate on other things

Blond woman. Race car driver.

Who wouldn’t want to be her. Seen in the movies, races, and holding a Guinness record. (Image: CNN)

Bored kids in summer. Worse: a bored teenager denied driving lessons. None of us want to witness that.

“Hey, Honey, she’s taken’ it well, and has now decided to help with some chores around the house, instead!”  Don’t buy it.

 You did hear her mutter “Fine. I gonna be like Jessica? These days, girls are not slow to seek power.

So don’t think you’re safe when you notice she’s grabbed a motorcycle helmet, is banging around with some wrenches in the garage, and has rolled out the Honda riding lawnmower…

“Honda lawnmower is now the fastest in the world, hitting 100 mph in 6 seconds”

Faster than a Ferrari and still able to cut grass. Who couldn’t love that. (I can see the preteens in the neighborhood attaching cup holders and more chrome as we speak)

Next social justice warriors will organize protests when parents complain about their daughters being too fast.

Race car driver Jessica Hawkins driving and breaking lawnmower speed record (Image: CNN)

Cut out to have fun on the lawn rode of life. (Image: CNN)

The heat is on, the African/Saharan dust cloud arriving, the Mexican burning-of-the-fields agricultural smoke flowing in.

Golly-gee, talk about doing all we can to make immigrants feel at home! Makes up for all the inhospitable remarks.

Dusting off the summer in gear,

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

Lawnmower breaks speed records then cuts grass (Image: CNN)

Sorry. Here’s another one. It’s just so funny. Lawnmower breaks speed records, then cuts grass. Nobody likes to waste time doing chores. (Image: CNN)

13 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. easyweimaraner / Jun 14 2019 6:49 am

    what kind of plant is that? I hope it’s not made by the EU … that would be really awful LOL

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 14 2019 9:17 am

      It’s a mysterious oddity…sort of reminds me of those 2 out of this universe Simpsons’ extraterrestrials Kang and Kodos…uh, that couldn’t be an undermulchcover secret agent for outer space could it? Thanks for adding to the mystery!

      Like

  2. Kate Crimmins / Jun 14 2019 6:51 am

    You have the most bizarre news feed! Aww pancakes! Such a treat these days and I never make them at home. The best treat of all was the once a year “strawberry shortcake” for supper day. Mom’s can make it special. Sometimes. Makes up for all the dang healthy food I had to eat!

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 14 2019 9:29 am

      As kids we were thrilled a waffle iron showed up. There was sugary syrup. We got so little sugar. Sadly, cleaning the darn thing was so much trouble, it ended up being rarely used. Yes, waffles or pancakes are such a treat now.
      This area has the oddest things showing up…wonder if NASA has anything to do with that…I didn’t get into one local alligator who has resided in a subdivision lake/retention pond for over 7 years – he showed up with what looks like a large kitchen knife sticking out of his head. Human residents are concerned about him – he doesn’t appear to be in pain or upset about it, but it’s a knife in his head. (If he was going for the unicorn look, not a good idea). People want to help him, but he’s an alligator…a big one. TX parks and wildlife has been contacted. (They say alligators are tough and not prone to infection, but they will come Monday and see what can be done. Maybe a compassionate local gator wrangler will show up.) And so the world turns…Hope your pond is happy and are of gator issues! Thanks for dropping by here

      Liked by 1 person

      • Kate Crimmins / Jun 14 2019 9:39 am

        We had a waffle iron with reversible grates so you could make grilled cheese. We had far more grilled cheese with it because of…you know…cleaning. This was the age before Teflon.

        Like

        • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 14 2019 9:48 am

          No Teflon and scraping plates. Oh what the ones coming up have missed.
          (Oh, more whacky. We have a mumps epidemic in the county jail ( in addition to measles everywhere). Some of the cells are in quarantine – but if the man bonds out or get parole, the authorities say they can’t stop him from leaving so out he goes into the community. They hand them a sheet about how it takes 17 days after exposure to show mumps, and here’s the symptoms to watch for…but the guys leaving that the reporters tried to talk with were clueless about the whole thing – and many had limited English and looked iffy about being able to read the handout (which they did not even understand why they got) in any of the languages it was printed in. Always fun city here!)

          Liked by 1 person

  3. shoreacres / Jun 14 2019 7:16 am

    The only thing more fun than the VIP platform going down was watching the panic yesterday when Instagram went down. I’m not instagram, but I do check my Twitter follows a couple times a day, and yesterday the phenomenon was on full display: IG or FB people always come to Twitter to find out what’s up (or down, actually) when their preferred platforms crash. Great fun!

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 14 2019 9:35 am

      It’s odd how suddenly so many platforms are suddenly having blackout/hacks…of course the conspiracy freaks are mumbling about the gov testing kill switches for all of it like others have done elsewhere. Maybe it’s a huge graduate school/medical school research project to see what happens if addicts are deprives of their gadgets.(Remember,they can’t sell hamburgers if the computers are down because no one can make change – or even recognize money any more. The entire world could be brought to its’ knees and people reduced to drooling – having lost the ability to speak to each other…HaHa).
      It’s summer. People wold probably be less stressed, relieved not to have to witness on FB and social media how much smarter/richer/more beautiful/happier with their lives than they are – not to mention safer driving and more productive just about everywhere. Ah, can’t put the genie back in the bottle. Thanks for crashing through to hear. Stay cool!

      Like

  4. restlessjo / Jun 15 2019 12:54 am

    You have a weird way of looking at life, but it’s all yours, and it does make me smile. 🙂 🙂 Happy weekend!

    Like

  5. Maggie Wilson / Jun 16 2019 10:24 am

    Wow, I take a wee, two-day break from WP and it all goes to pot! Planted pot, or pot plants, take your pick.

    Like

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