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January 24, 2019 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Full of terrors

The night is dark and full of terrors – but the morning rivals.

Some say nothing is worse than a full litter box and an overshoot. Bah!

Some say nothing is worse than smell of the first in the morning cat food portion getting mistakenly microwaved twice sequentially. Dunderhead – We do not accept excuses of coffee lack blurriness!

Some say nothing is worse than a couple of unidentified moist grey blobs underfoot. Obviously left by some rude intruder. We do not deign to acknowledge.

Woman in distress clutching hands. (1921 May Allison, Metro Pix.Corporation (USPD. artist life, promo pix/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Such woe that the world stood whoa. (USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

We know there is worstestnesss:

Finding Ourselves among unimaginable dirt, forced to duck and crouch under large mechanical things smelling of oil and rubber, and watching Staff dodge and hop among the wood pallets, piles of rags, and easily dislodged long-handled objects on the wall.

We were only exercising Our prerogative to review the Transitional Realm housing the moving boxes  – lured by small prey lesser creatures who were only living in safety while their existence in the garage was unknown to Us desperately wished to give Us a tour of their home.

Unfortunately Staff – being over protective – got hysterical and irrationally attempted to interrupt Our exploration.

After encouraging Staff to jog around the rolling boxes and perform multiple deep knee bends with multiple drop nose to the ground, We did a little cat and mouse play of walking placidly to the kitchen portal.

Staff leaped to open the door for Us. It was so amusing. Until it was not.

 Molly Malamute was standing just inside with a broad welcome home smile.

With the potential of dog drool being simply too great, We had no choice but to flip and reversed course back under cover.

We care not that the dog had her feelings hurt as the door slammed in her face to prevent her from joining Our adventure.

It is not true Staff wept. It was only a drippy eye sneeze. 

Out of pity because We were becoming distraught with all the web dust beginning to cling to Us  We pretended to be attracted to a can of tuna.

We had already chosen to return to the kitchen, so it was appalling to be roughly snatched up.

Woman seated. Vintage 1919 actress May Allison, Film Fun, (USPD artist life, cr.expired/Commons.wikimedia.org)

“How can anyone possibly say We are uncooperative?” (USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

To be carried in such a fashion: swaying vertically in an arm pit hold. Not protocol at all.

The majority of Our elegant fluffy body and tail awkwardly waving like wet spaghetti. Our tummy defenseless against wet dog nose as We were rushed into the kitchen.

To say there were hisses and serious threats of bodily harm to Staff and mutt is an understatement.

Being flung over the dog’s head by Staff out of self-preservation Leaping free with great style and grace, We ran hissing and spitting removed Ourselves from the oafs’ presence.

There shall be repercussions. The sun warms Our blood and Our fury.

So it would be very nice of you to leave extra tuna cans of tribute

It has been such a trying day. You understand.

And We know you do not wished Us to rush to judgment about you.

It would be unfortunate…for you.

Cat on desk with post-its (© Image. All rights reserved, copyrighted, NO permissions granted)

We are noting donors. Of course only for tax purposes, for what other reasons possible?(© Image)

Yes, Yes. We are pleased at your dismay of Our treatment. Restores Our faith in mind control over you

Your obvious concern for Our poor stretched limbs and abdominal muscles cheers Us greatly.

We offer you a weary paw wave in gratitude.

Audience finis.

Au revoir, mon chéri

crown symbol with message "I am RC Cat and I approve this message"

I am RC Cat and I approve this message.

 

23 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. aFrankAngle / Jan 24 2019 6:59 am

    Thanks for rekindling my memories of overshots, hairballs, and strong fecal bombs.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. easyweimaraner / Jan 24 2019 6:59 am

    we have such rude intruders too… they place things on the floor and on the furnitures what are not from this world… probably alf or. e.t.

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jan 24 2019 7:04 am

      “We are determined to meet that notorious Mr. Nobody…you know, ‘Who did that?’ ‘Nobody’ He use gets around and causes such mischief. Staff should check to make sure the windows are locked. A cheery paw wave to you. Happy Mirthday to your realm”

      Like

  3. Irene Tobias Rodriguez / Jan 24 2019 7:13 am

    I love RC Cat’s blogs. Have you ever thought of publishing them in a book?

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jan 24 2019 10:29 am

      RC Cat: ” Oh, how lovely of you to suggest that. As We find We are spending less time playing mousie hockey. perhaps it is time to consider leaving Our memoirs for future generations. Of course We would have to hire additional staff to keep up with the accolades and fan mail. Yes, yes. A cheery paw wave for your kind suggestion!”

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Kate Crimmins / Jan 24 2019 7:15 am

    Laughing out loud literally on this one. Yep, I know about the long sticks to coax royalty out and the armpit hold that results in an abdomen swing. And the stink eyes that follow. We don’t have wet dog noses to dodge but there is always another cat trying to sneak out the same door to see what the fuss was about.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jan 24 2019 10:25 am

      RC Cat: “Oh mon amie, you make Us smile. Quietly now, as we are such friends, do you see any stretch marks on Our tummy? We fear. We would ask Staff, but it is too soon to show any forgiveness. Voila, if one fluffs the hair a bit, it is of no concern, yes? A soft cheek pat for your kindness in advance.”

      Liked by 1 person

  5. shoreacres / Jan 25 2019 7:32 am

    I used to wonder what it would be like if Miss Dixie ever got out the front door. At least you had the convenience of a garage to help with your kitty-collection!

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jan 25 2019 8:18 am

      RC Cat: “We once took a sudden let turn at an opening front door and attempted to survey the porch. Dunderheaded Staff broke all Our training rules and confused Our fluffed out vertical tail for a handle. The shock of that provided enough of a freeze to allow a swift scoop back into the house. Most disturbing. Obviously We need to provide Staff with more opportunities to respond more appropriately…Spring is coming….not the season….”

      Like

  6. Curt Mekemson / Jan 25 2019 5:47 pm

    Oh the infamy of being grabbed by the tail! Much worse than being stuffed under an armpit or being falsely lured by a can of tuna. Free cats of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your utter boxes. –Curt

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jan 28 2019 4:37 pm

      RC Cat, ” Yes, Yes, you have evaluated the situation with great fangness. A tail grab equals a high level of meeowwww. We demand justice…and salmon…fresh…Alaskan. We send you a respectful nod in recognition of your astute evaluation.”

      Like

  7. jacqueslebec / Jan 26 2019 6:19 pm

    As I gaze into that can with the “Tuna” label, I ask it “are you really Tuna?”

    I enjoy your post, and this is a good one.

    Like

  8. LordBeariOfBow / Jan 26 2019 7:28 pm

    Think it’s time to start feeding Staff huge chunks of raw meat, build him up give him confidence to take his true place in the world. Time he showed Molly M who really is boss,then again……………

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jan 28 2019 4:49 pm

      RC Cat, ” Being an expert in canine psychology, We do appreciate the Molly tends to forget and be overly enthusiastic in helping. She has crept in to apologize saying she was concerned about Our health having been exercising in the garage realm under the rolling boxes. We assured her that obstacle course practice is necessary from time to time and does not require her standing by for possible medic evaluation. The clumsy oaf is something of a dear if you can overlook the large out of control paws. Yes, yes, You are quite right about the recommendation of huge chunks of meat finely sliced into our dish..We are passing your suggestion on to staff – with endorsements. A fine cheek pat sent your way in gratitude.”

      Like

  9. cat9984 / Feb 13 2019 12:37 am

    It’s sad how humans overreact sometimes, isn’t it? Purrs, Snoops and Kommando Kitty

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 13 2019 7:02 am

      RC Cat. “Sigh. We try to enlighten them, yet they simply refuse to sit quietly and stare into a corner in order to still the mind. Lucky We cats take an interest in them. A grand paw salute for your astute observation!”

      Liked by 1 person

  10. RKLikesReeses / Apr 1 2019 4:14 pm

    O, RC Cat!
    Your Furry & Most Magnificent Highness!
    The Pricesses have told me to thank you for sharing this post and to offer you their regal sympathy.
    Doubly-microwaved food! Armpit lifts! Vulnerable tummies! Horrifying.
    The Princesses send long-distance (((((((hugs))))))), purrfectly restrained but sincere.

    Like

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