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November 2, 2018 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Don’t eat the ham

Woman cooking in kitchen. Wirthmann Julianna/(USPD.

Hmmm. Here’s a good way to make anyone turn green: start with Screen of Death and ham…. (USPD/

Sandwiched between the Genius Bar and the ham, a lost day.

Crash. Not what want to see upon opening the computer…much less “crash” in all 537 files listed on that

Despite the fact that computer was unplugged during the traditional violent coming-to-blows-cold front vs the warm Gulf moisture on Halloween night, computer smirked and took the day off. (What was this? Empathy or solidarity with electric grid dependent appliances? Just put in a R&R request like everyone else – We’re flexible, computer)

Suspiciously the MIA routine was right after and update. (Nothing like wanting to make a grand entrance…) Glitch happened after the last one, too. (Leading the Apple guy to say, “Next time, maybe just come in preemptively and update here. HAHA.” Well, by then it was funny.)

Apparently, updates are touchy about wavering WiFi signals and where I like to work may be a bit too far from our WiFi’s origin…or there’s an obstruction like a wall…one with any sort of wires or water pipes in it….(uh, what else are interior walls mainly supposed to do beside hide ugly hazardous stuff – as well as hold up ceilings…having redone multiple houses, the holding up ceiling thingy is critical to know)

Anxiety and boredom while watching the white line indicating the update’s progress (There are 3 critical spots during that bar. If you don’t get past those spots, there’s a fatal roadblock and rescue is beyond possible bile without a total search and destroy wipe. Whew!)

So can’t complain, the Apple Guy was interesting: used to work at Apple Corporate, but likes troubleshooting better – gets to do mystery solving and interact with lots of people. He’s really good with customer service. While congenial, he had a shadow of fragile – just a small bit of uneasy energy and spotted one of those suicide survivor tats. It wasn’t hidden or anything, but not really something you bring up in conversation in a professional setting. He seems ok now – and you hope that holds. Life is way too much stressful these days.

So with computer finally feeling really wanted and treasured ( and much too powerful…) – Now supporting a wonderful updated OS system with new features…Cool!

Except for the ham.

I told them “Don’t eat the ham.”

Anytime you discover stuff that has been long buried – and has a well past date on it, just don’t.

But Sr. Staff defiantly did. And worse, fed it to Molly Malamute.

You can guess. 

We attributed her lack of energy and not wanting anyone to sit next to her to being hot or tired. She reluctantly hauled herself up and went to last walk of the night – shorter than usual when she turned around immediately after finding an acceptable spot to squat. Went straight to bed.

She started throwing up about midnight. Not only feeling physically terrible, she appeared in emotional distress after upchucking on her bed. I rushed to reassure her, it wasn’t big deal and she wasn’t going to be discarded because she was sick.

The cat scrambled out of the room to the safety of her inner chamber loft. Some friend. (Grumbling as she exited that her unwanted, discarded food never smelled like that. “No self-respecting cat…”)

Spent a while following with miserable pup around with paper towels, plastic bag, and wet rags for her mouth. Pulling off pet bed covers to pile in the laundry and gathering up multiple throw rugs. Molly seems to think those are throw-up rugs. Maybe she’s seen me cleaning the wood floor so much for muddy paw prints, she thought she was doing me a favor by aiming for the rugs…

 Finally, the exhausted dog looked ready to attempt sleep…but not in her regular armchair spot – like she wasn’t going to risk getting is smelly and wet. I put a clean blanket on her bed and she curled gratefully on it.

Much later she I did hear her lurch up go out of the room and hack up more, but she immediately came back and went to sleep, so I decided to just leave it until morning.

1920 woman by wall paper. (USPD. pub date, LoC/

Sometimes you just want to disappear into the wallpaper.(USPD/

Much to the cat’s annoyance.

Morning was much better. Got some water down. Trip outside – all to the irritated chorus of cat instructions. I thought she just wanted food, another kind of food, a new mouse, a little brushing. But the yowling did not cease.

Finally, I said to her “OK Timmy’s in the well. Show me where.” And the cat smugly led me down the hall, pausing to firmly point paw to a little spot here, a little spot there, a larger puddle here…I swear the cat enjoys being a tattletale about dog misbehavior/misfortune.

Mainly she was livid that there was a large lumpy hammy puddle in the room where she sits in the window to observe morning activity of the Outer Realm. She fluffed herself up huge and demanded to know how she could be expected to go in there with that smell.

We have lots of cleaner and paper towels. All better.

Luckily the garbage comes tomorrow.

So the moral of this story: Crash doesn’t mean cash required, cats are so superior they feel no shame in smug delight when pointing out others’ failures, and don’t eat the ham.

Onward through the fog

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge



  1. Xena and Lucy / Nov 2 2018 3:16 pm

    Poor Molly Malamute. When I worked a a vet’s, post-Easter was a big rush time for dogs with pancreatitis. The culprit? Ham, of course. When Lexi went (tux bow in place) to the Theatre Centre’s Wizard of Oz cast party, she stood up and looked at the offerings on all the tables to see what she would ask for first. And got it from anyone paying attention. Which prompted me to stand on a chair and declare,”Please do not feed any ham to the schnauzer!”

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 2 2018 3:26 pm

      That’s a great story.
      People need to listen to The Momma!
      She’s all better now, but no snackies and lots of fresh water.
      Thanks for adding a well seasoned comment

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Kate Crimmins / Nov 2 2018 4:45 pm

    My cat Gracie barfs frequently. Not for eating ham though. This morning I put down fresh wet food. She ate part of it but then the urge overcame her and she barfed. IN HER DISH! Gross! Disgusting. I could tell by the bubbles. The other cats took off while Gracie hopped on a chair for a nice snooze. Hope Molly is doing better. Dogs will eat anything!

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 2 2018 5:12 pm

      Dogs and Sr Staff…me, if it’s slimy I’m not eating it. RC Cat was such an annoying pill I ended up opening one of the expensive cat cans we have stashed ( back when we were trying to find something healthier for an elderly cat.) She was thrilled the first serving for a change, then at lunch realized it had carrots in it. Carrots. Somehow she stuck out a claw and moved all the tiny carrot chunks to the edge of the dish…and scowled. She doesn’t eat carrots. Pets are cheap entertainment (although I could do with less late night drama…)
      Paw waves and happy weekend to your Realm. Thanks for cooking a comment

      Liked by 1 person

  3. sustainabilitea / Nov 2 2018 6:46 pm

    I love ham and, thankfully, it doesn’t make me sick. 🙂 Have a wonderful weekend hamming it up.


    Liked by 2 people

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 5 2018 10:17 am

      You probably skip the slimy tinge of green slices. HAHA Thanks for sandwiching a comment onto this plate


      • sustainabilitea / Nov 5 2018 1:34 pm

        Yeah, green eggs and ham is great for Dr. Seuss but not so much for the rest of us!!


  4. shoreacres / Nov 2 2018 9:38 pm

    OK. I have to ask. What is the genius bar? Believe me, I’ve imagined a number of things, and I suspect none of them resemble reality. I’ve been in a few bars where everyone thought they were a genius; strangely enough, they all thought they got smarter as the night wore on. I suppose it was a variation on “the girls all get prettier at closing time.”

    Sorry to hear about the side effects of the ham. That’s another one I didn’t know about. It just came to me last week that I can have any plant I want this Christmas season: even a poinsettia. It’s not a happy thought, actually, since I’d rather have my kitty back than some plants, but I might get one anyway. Is it true about poinsettias being poison for pets? I’ve always thought so.

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 6 2018 10:05 am

      Genius Bar is an Apple marketing thing – it used to be you could wander into an Apple store and some techie would gladly show you new tricks on your computer – or tweak any glitch it had. Now it’s just the Help Table. We’ve alway met interesting people there – both working in that area and the ones waiting to have something fixed. This time there was a pair of delightful middle aged women from the UK – on lives here and her sister had just arrived to visit…and dropped her phone upon arrival causing all sorts of funny(now) issues meeting up. Phone under warranty or insured, so she got a whole new one for $30.00 when here was terminal..the geniuses had to work a bit but even managed to get it set up for use in the UK on her carrier there. There really are a good bunch- and not all 14 yrs. Funny the genius did seem to snap and give more attention to us when I responded to “how I use the computer” was for a blog and had been blogging for years.
      Probably the ham would have been fine except it got intercepted on it’s way to the garbage can as I thought it was far too shiny and a bit green…dogs and Sr Staff were braver than I…
      We have a poinsettia out back – I usually keep them outside, but we never had any animal show the slightest interest in them…of course why bother, when there’s marginal ham?
      Thanks for hamming it up here!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Curt Mekemson / Nov 3 2018 11:02 am

    Well, Phil, you did a yeoman’s work with the dog. As for the cat, I remember once when my brother as a teenager happened upon a jug of wine that he and a friend consumed. The result was pretty much like eating bad ham. I vacated the room and slept outside. Sorry about the computer glitch. It’s the reason that I am so reluctant to update. –Curt

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 6 2018 10:10 am

      I usually avoid/delay updates until the “fix” comes in…there’s always an oops fix it seems…what we’ve figured out is that this house, built to exceed hurricane standards and is so well insulated for the climate that wifi/cell signals have to struggle. Next time I’ll update in the same room as the router/wifi source or just go plug in at the Apple store and use their lines. Have to admit, the new features are worth the time spent….still playing with some.
      Will wander your way soon – rather behind with reading blogs due to unavoidable animal management HAHA
      Thanks for feeding this blog’s comment bowl

      Liked by 1 person

  6. ShimonZ / Nov 3 2018 11:20 am

    Lived in a home once, where the cat always ate before the dog. This was accepted by all, and many times I watched as the dog would wait patiently until the cat withdrew before approaching the meal. I wouldn’t want to suggest anything which might be seen as lack of respect for Molly, but since cats are so much more sensitive about food, perhaps it would be good to us cat as a taster. Sorry about the poisoned apple… hard to imagine that such a perfect machine ever breaks down.

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 6 2018 10:19 am

      That home you mention doesn’t surprise me. Dogs and cat in a household often have s truce and arrangement of things. Here, there alternate open window sitting, and bed lounging at night. Surprisingly, there’s never any disagreement over the schedule. If cats and dogs can find a way of getting along…think they are trying to tell humans something? HAHA
      After years of PC of various brands for work (and struggling through all the Windows updates/security issues/operating systems), I broke down and got an Apple for home – I just wanted not to have to think – just use it easily as a tool. It looks like the only problem is that I was too far from the wifi source and the wifi signal was interrupted before update was complete. So far so good. The update is quite nice and worth the trial/tribulation.
      Hope your life is calm and peaceful as we move into the season of celebration. Joy and understanding are the gifts that should be on everyone’s list this year, yes?
      Thanks for leashing a comment here (will wander you way soon – a bit of a mess around here right now)


      • ShimonZ / Nov 6 2018 11:20 am

        my best wish for a speedy repair of the mess


  7. cat9984 / Nov 18 2018 8:23 am

    We enjoy reading your posts with Mom very much. However, we were disappointed that you have just discovered how superior we cats are. We have much sympathy for RC Cat. Purrs, Snoops and Kommando Kitty


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