A measured reading

End the cultural appropriations. Use your own kind for clichés. Leave my people out of it.

The paper kicked aside.

(Staff knew to tread lightly, but clarification required. What is not said is often vital.)

Why did Staff select this picture? While We admire and respect elegant wise Queen Victoria, and there are many similarities between us, the age difference…Here. This one previously used is much better. Dunderhead. (Whispered, but Staff heard that)

Perception is all. (PD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Staff (with great delicacy): What’s the ludicrous problem this time?  upsetting you so? Wait? What’s this? Planning a rogue trip?” (pointing at Texas map under The Facilities.)

RC Cat of the Realm: (Sighing at the stupidity)” A little reading material to wait for things to pass. Learning is a life long habit.

It is time of the Unboxing of Children and so many plan summer trips.

Why, We wonder, would anyone go visit the old London when the new one is so close? New is always better than old. Ask any iPhone owner. And see (Paw emphatically pounding map.) easy to add a side trip to Paris, too. People always talk like Paris is so far away. Strange.”

Staff (again with delicacy):  “Afraid to inquire, but it appears to be a little damp over here on the map outside The Facilities…Is there something you wish to tell us?”

RC Cat of the Realm: (A glare leveled.) “Staff must keep up with things. They say the Panhandle is in drought.”

Staff: (Worried now) “And this slight puddle?”

Wouldn’t intentionally mess with Texas, but accidents happen….(© Image)

RC Cat of the Realm: So insensitive to needs of others! (Muttering of “Memo to self: mandate re-education sessions…”) 

The farmers in the Texas Panhandle need assistance. We have squat to do for the moment and decided to help them like in that blogger‘s book – by performing vous do –  like some poke pins into dolls to make something happen. We are a first adopter techie with cloud sourcing: drop it cumulus congestus.”

Staff (looking around for sharp objects): “Uh, a version of cloud sourcing, I guess. But not sure voodoo works that way. You do know that Carrie’s book The Bone Curse is about a doctor encountering Haitian Vodou – a sort of a medical thriller and not, well, rain making?”

RC Cat: “Vous do as vous wish. People can doctor it up all the want. Just leave the Animal Kingdom out of it. “

Did someone mention bones?(© Image)

Staff (blinking as if experiencing whiplash) “What?”

RC Cat: Obviously dim wattage. (Sigh. Good Staff is so hard to find) Felines, gorillas, and all the rest of the animals demand an end to cultural appropriation.

End to humans smirkingly, incorrectly using and not paying royalties on such as the following:

• Cat got your tongue (Like any feline would want it. Have you seen what humans eat? Phew.)
• Fat cats (We are just fluffy. Rude.)
• Grinning like a Cheshire cat (Any photos taken during catnip sessions are totally unauthorized and Our lawyers will be contacting perpetrators.)
• Curiosity killed the cat (Why isn’t she in jail? Double standard – ask any dog or cat who ripped for good reason.)
• Let the cat out of the bag (Animal control on speed dial for reporting such bagging abuse.)
• Cat’s pajamas (Look, We already have coats, thank you.)

While imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, We know things quickly become ugly with confusion. We wish no part of that.

Please eschew the cat’s meow and find your own voice for comparisons and idiotisms.

And now a demonstration of what real pussyfooting is: precise, determined, and marching with direct purpose …not the silly human interpretation and usage. Observe closely and learn. (With great majesty and sense of self, RC Cat stomps out of the room. Swishy, but certainly not wishy-washy.)

Staff: “Oh, wait. She left a proclamation note. Let me unroll it.

Oh, about tributes. Yes, they’re expected. To be placed upon exiting by the door.

FYI, HRH has joined the modern age and installed motion sensitive security cams, so like Santa Claus she can see you when you are sneaking; she knows when you try to wait; she know if you’ve been bad and not left tribute, so turn around and be good before it’s too late…There are drones at the ready…or caterwauling droning worse than waterboarding..not sure, but not willing to risk either.

Oh rats. Slipped into a catastrophe and accidentally uttered exactly what was warned against.

Here. I have a couple of throw down cans of salmon….Toss and run!”

I am RC Cat and I approve this message.

 

 

 

 

 

This one will keep you up at night and you won’t be able to turn the pages fast enough. Highly recommended reading for long summer days or, if you dare, dark Halloween nights!(© image)

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