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February 28, 2018 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Chirping to the buyer

You know the movie “The Birds”? Like that: strung out on the wires, ominously watching, silent until…they turn.

Take too long loading in groceries? Chirp. Chirp. Chirp!

Hesitate deciding between mayo and mustard? Chirp. Chirp, Chirp!

Attempt to glug some milk out of the carton without anyone noticing? Chirp. Chirp. Chirp!

We’ve got HRH RC Cat. The last thing we need is an appliance deciding we require training.

Mechanical bird on top of ornate gold music box. Swiss singing bird box by Charles Bruguier Geneve, 536 (Gavin Douglas/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Melodic, not bossy. With an obvious off switch.(Gavin Douglas/Commons.wikimedia.org)

First it’s all, “Oh, a just gentle reminder – for your own good.”

Before you know it, the dog is jittery, huddled at the back door looking for an exit before bravely confronting the black stainless fridge with, “Stop. Chirping. At. The. Mommy.”

Bulk and cold steel doesn’t make right – in countries or refrigerators.

Unfortunately – while hesitant to say it out loud as they may all be connected and listening – the surge of power confidence seems to be leaking over to the new fancy smoke alarms.

Not intelligent of us, perhaps, to choose the smart ones.

We just wanted ones that would notify cell phones if they started shrieking when the fur children are home alone…I know. Hard to believe, but sometimes we do go out without them.

Somehow these little square ceiling guardians even look like they take their work so seriously.

So bright.

Really. Like airport runway bright.

There’s a motion detection feature that tells each unit to turn on an other worldly, pale green ring of light – like a nightlight – as you walk under them.

It sounded like a great idea.

RC Cat loves it: each night as she stomps down the long hall making her promenade to the bed, little halos glow in sequence. She now thinks she’s a famous fashion model spotlighted on the cat walk. (We have firmly told her, no furniture or cosmetic line for her, though.)

She’s also found that in certain locations on the bed, she can flip her big fluffy tail and voilà: a halo appears on command. It amuses her greatly.

It’s like alien space ships arriving in the middle of the night. The rest of us, including the dog, groan and clinch eyes shut until the cat-trained special effects module goes back to sleep.

Apparently she’s used her nocturnal wake time to turn the smoke alarms into her minions.

Antique tin toys of men working (Thomas Quine/C0mmons.wikimedia.org)

Toy makers created mechanical imitations of people. Should we hide those so AI doesn’t get any similar ideas? (Thomas Quine/Commons.wikimedia.org)

We are secretly, searching the instruction guide for the dimmer or shut off switch. We bought them, installed them, and pay for their charges, so it should be us giving the orders.

Mumbling the “D” word: “disconnect”. You can’t be too careful – they are listening and learning.

We hope they are all like Wall-E.

Don’t know if Apple watches and cell phones finding themselves in a repair center closely observed the Polish cow’s escape attempt of powering herself to an island (Sadly, the cow tale recently ended as people tried to capture her). Maybe the devices plugged into the idea of calling 911 to save themselves.

Have to question their circuits. These days you can’t always count on help from authorities, though. Better rescue yourself.

So wonder if next they’ll attempt calling Uber or Lyft and try to hide out in a junk store. Should be safer hiding in plain sight like the other Polish cow hanging out with a bison herd. (Run Buffy-wanna-be, run!)

Smarties just feeling their jolts.

Not that I’m opposed to machines and robots. Actually I’d like one like the video below. (There would have to be a cat prevention obstacle.)

How do you ask in Korean “Does it do windows, put up ceiling fans, and keep snippy little appliances in their place?”

Not the boss of me…yet.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

 

 

28 Comments

  1. shoreacres / Feb 28 2018 6:42 am

    I’m vaguely amused, even as I’m remembering those cautionary articles in places like Wired and other such techie sites. There will be no smart home for me, any more than there will be a smart phone. But I’m looking forward to bulletins from the home front from you — and all those who within your walls who dwell. (It’s easy to find them. Just look for the green glow.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 2 2018 4:43 pm

      Nothing is easy HAHA. The old smoke alarms were past their discard date and you know Mr Gadget…
      Sr. Staff worries about the smoke alarms going off when we aren’t here – Molly has apparently had some very bad experience in her past with that noise – we’re afraid she’ll go right through the glass door. She is certainly not sticking around to investigate. The cat is still having too much fun all night long. She’s the “smart” here.
      Thanks for adding a glowing comment

      Liked by 1 person

  2. pensitivity101 / Feb 28 2018 6:59 am

    Oh! The Terminator is my fave Sci Fi of all time! It is a piece Hubby loves to hear me play. I’ve never played it on an electronic keyboard, just piano, but it’s something I really lose myself in. Great instrumental (the original, not mine!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 2 2018 4:52 pm

      Nothing is cooler than a dramatic musical score of a great movie. Impressive you can play that one. Hope you’re all snug and warm what a winter this year.
      Thanks for playing along with a comment

      Like

      • pensitivity101 / Mar 3 2018 12:45 am

        One of the best Sci fis. More snow overnight, but we’re OK. The pavements are a bit more dicey now.

        Like

        • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 4 2018 10:10 am

          Icy is a good time to stay close to home and read. Another front with thunderstorms coming – these poor plants – what the freeze and cold didn’t kill, the mildew, mold, and too much water will (but with summers often parched, best not to complain, right?) Watch your steps and paw work.

          Liked by 1 person

          • pensitivity101 / Mar 4 2018 10:12 am

            Thanks. We’ve had a major improvement overnight with rain washing away the last of the snow. The main problem now is the sand. It’s not on the beach!!!

            Liked by 1 person

  3. Kate Crimmins / Feb 28 2018 7:31 am

    My cats go crazy with the smoke alarms. Oh wait so do I! Can’t imagine what they would do it they went off when we were away. As it is ours only goes off at 3 a.m. when there is no fire.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 2 2018 4:58 pm

      Olde Tiger would sort of fold her ears in half vertically then snug them against her head, close her eyes but never moved from her spot when smoke alarms went off. When it stopped she’s just unfold, blink and go “What?”
      RC disappears into the closet … apparently thinks we’re just doing another loud home redo project. The cats seem to manage better than the dog who is really close to going through glass doors to get away.
      What is it about 3am and smoke alarms? Hopefully RC can train this batch to just blink if they want to complain. Thanks for jumping in with a comment

      Liked by 1 person

  4. marthaschaefer / Feb 28 2018 8:00 am

    The robots are terrifying! Nothing warm and snuggly about them. Give me a good dog or cat any day. As to the smoke alarms? Hope you find the dimmer switch.

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 2 2018 5:03 pm

      Robots’ potential sounds all helpful, but then remember HAL in the movie 2001? Science has caught up with science fiction.
      I swear the cat is laughing all the way down the hall.
      Thanks for lighting up the comment basket

      Like

  5. memoirsofahusk / Feb 28 2018 8:10 am

    We live in such different worlds, you and I!

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 2 2018 5:04 pm

      I’ve heard of calm peaceful paradises…but then again it may be sleep deprivation. HAHA
      Thanks for winding up a comment to send in.

      Like

  6. Amy / Feb 28 2018 10:59 am

    The cow in the herd of bison is great! I wonder if the bison will let her be captured this summer, as is planned.

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 2 2018 5:11 pm

      You have to love that cow’s creative thinking. Maybe the bison will circle and protect it?
      Beefalo ia actually a recognized livestock breed. (Not the same as older Cattalo mixes) (http://www.thecattlesite.com/breeds/beef/97/beefalo/).
      It would be nice if people just left the herd and their little mascot alone.
      Thanks for hoofing it over with a comment

      Like

  7. Carrie Rubin / Feb 28 2018 3:15 pm

    “She now thinks she’s a famous fashion model spotlighted on the cat walk.”–I’m pretty sure RC Cat has always been that. 😄

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 2 2018 5:13 pm

      You do know her. (Hope you guys are snug and warm – what a winter.)
      Hey – it’s March! Book time!
      Thanks for giving a special nod to RC Cat…makes her so much happier and easier to live with.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. sportsattitudes / Mar 1 2018 9:19 am

    It only makes sense RC Cat would use technology to her advantage. The number of minions grows and the reign continues unimpeded. Sounds like she has everyone by the tail. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 2 2018 5:17 pm

      She keep sending signed requisition forms for one of those new techie front door locks you can operate with a smart phone…..if she ever manages the password to the phone, we could be in trouble.
      Thanks for making RC happy with a compliment…she’ll overlook staff’s failings for a little bit now…

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Curt Mekemson / Mar 1 2018 5:45 pm

    Ours make obnoxious sounds when their batteries are low, sounds that are particularly obnoxious at 3 a.m. I close doors between us and the offending devices and turn on our sound machine, and bury my head under the pillow, and still… every 30 seconds: MEEP. Makes me thinks bad thoughts. I don’t need a weapon to shoot intruders: I need a weapon to shoot out the fire alarm. –Curt

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 2 2018 5:21 pm

      See- another mention of 3 am as prime annoyance events by smoke alarms….it was either replace our past due dated old ones who had great fun watching us run around the house trying to find out exactly which one was beeping – or get ready to see me get a hammer and take care of all of them. (Battery? I’ll show you battery…HAHA)
      Thanks for chiming in with a comment

      Like

      • Curt Mekemson / Mar 4 2018 5:49 pm

        The hammer is a great multi-purpose tool!

        Like

  10. LordBeariOfBow / Mar 1 2018 11:03 pm

    🐦🐔🐦🐔🐦🐔🐦🐔🐦🐔

    methinks that RC 🐱is the 🐓of the roost at your place, pity about the Polish 🐮 bang goes the milk supply.

    Blame doesitevenmatter3 for all the smileys

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 2 2018 5:25 pm

      RC Cat is quite secure in her identity – and abilities (but despairs of ever getting staff trained.)
      Now she’s annoyingly pointing out how lively and decorative your comments are while ours are visually dull and bland…fortunately good staff is so hard to find…
      Thanks for not chickening out and leaving a comment

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Anne Mehrling / Mar 2 2018 11:10 am

    Most amusing — the cat walk!!

    Like

  12. ShimonZ / Mar 3 2018 12:11 pm

    This business about the fur children makes me appreciate the possibility of new apps all the more. If we could incorporate google translate into microsoft, the fur children could call you up on the telephone and discuss the size of the universe with you if they get anxiety attacks.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 4 2018 9:57 am

      No doubt somewhere someone is working – no, already selling that one. Sr. staff’s main concern is that he be able to know if the alarm is going off (which could be handy for those with elderly parents or invalids at home while you are at work) so it can be turned off – Molly Malamute is a rescue dog who had been very badly abused and seems to have had some serious encounter with such alarms to the point that it is a real concern that she will go through glass to get away from the noise. The neighbors all have a pact to watch out and help each others kids and pets if there is a problem.
      Molly says real dogs don’t wear clothes – and are watching the Alaskan Iditerod sled dogs run. (She’s a definite twin to the lead dog of the team that won last year)
      The cat, however, thinks your conversation idea would be quite useful – she tends to get anxious if only 4 cans of her food are let in the pantry…and she would like to be able to request some additional cans…and purrhaps a can or two of tuna or salmon…
      Thanks for the suggestion

      Like

  13. heretherebespiders / Mar 15 2018 1:38 pm

    That big robot is soooo coool! I want to play with it!

    Like

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