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July 10, 2017 / philosophermouseofthehedge

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women at work. Switchboard at phone company. Bell Tel. Mag. 1922 (

“Unwanted guests? Tell them to go inside, shut the drapes, and lock the dog door. Just leave the burgers on the grill.” (USPD/

Overlooked in the relocation packet: “Not a species majority area.”

Nervous, for multiple reasons, the question haltingly came out, “Where does the family of midgets live on the block?”

It wouldn’t have been neighborly to laugh.

Her husband traveled – and she drank more than a wee bit.

The brief flash of “Was that eyes peeking in the window?” late at night would startle anyone.

Then the tiny handprints low on the glass windows the next morning must have added concern.

Newcomers to the area love the wooded parcels on the north side, as the wetlands of the south, and the open prairie of the west, but they don’t seem to understand they are moving uninvited into local animals’ living rooms and playgrounds.

Not expecting gators, wild hogs, possums, and coyotes to be sharing their porches, gardens, and swimming pools.

Calls to police and animal control are politely met, but the response is moderate with “Well, they were here first. Don’t feed the gators chicken and don’t leave pet food out. Mind your own business and they’ll mind theirs. We coexist here.”

Here’s a smile from the Fort Bend County Sheriff’s humorous response on Facebook to multiple recent calls about coyotes in the neighborhoods.

 humorous message by Fort Bend County Sheriff about coyotes in area (Image: FT. Bend County Sheriff FaceBook page/Texas Parks and Wildlife)

Handsome smiling coyote in natural area. Image from Fort Bend County Sheriff's Facebooks/Texas Parks and Wildlife)

Obviously the Sheriff is wise in the ways of  Wile E. (Ft.Bend Co.FB/TPWD)

Oh, we did eventually mention to the new neighbor about the very large, handsome, intelligent, Raccoon chevalier and his stylish young wife. He was known to be an excellent provider and husband.

Even so, the neighbors continued to replace the disappearing fish in their fabulously landscaped and stocked pond. Kept muttering about cats and neighbor kids stealing their prize koi….not herd of share the bounty, I guess.

Howl on and hold on to what is yours,

(Listen to videos of Houston’s suburban coyotes howling  here , here, and here.)

Sense of humor, always the best response.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge

(As has been said, a picture is worth a thousand words so RC Cat of the Realm has recreated the style and stance of our neighborhood raccoon courtier…much to his amazement…)

Cat. Puss in Boots fairy tale. 1883, Dore (USPD/

“He stood well over knee high and frequently left handprints on windows as he peered in to check when the movie Guardians of the Galaxy would be on again. He was quite smug that a relative had a leading role as Rocket.”(USPD/

Raccoon at pond in natural setting. Image by Kichael Gabler/

“Appalling, isn’t it. That cat thinks she’s got it all figured out.”(Kichael Gabler/







  1. shoreacres / Jul 10 2017 6:27 am

    A slow night at the sheriff’s office, I’d say. Did you notice the 3:30 a.m. time stamp? Love the Wiley Coyote references, but I’m really amused by the koi restockers. Have they not explored the easy ways to frustrate the raccoons? There are plenty of them, depending on the configuration and depth of their pond. Oh, silly problem solver me. It’s always easier to blame the cats. (Insert eyeroll from Dixie.)


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jul 10 2017 6:45 am

      It sounded so different in the magazines…reality is sometimes fishy…I think mom and dad were allergic to advice and reading (from the East where people were born knowing how to do things…). As it was the eye appealing ledges made convenient piers and attractive rocks in the middle made such wonderful fishing islands. The couple was a never ending source of amusement to the neighborhood…Bandit the Raccoon just smiled and said “Fish dinner tonight” every time he smelled they’d been to the fish store. He’s the one who probably told the newly married skunk couple searching for their first home about the brand new deck built exactly the right inches above ground – perfect room for a nursery. The yards backed up to old overgrown homestead and pasture at that time. Some people just won’t listen..or maybe it’s karma-ish.
      Thanks for traipsing around in the dark to trap a comment


  2. Amy / Jul 10 2017 6:41 am

    Of course it was the neighbor kids, learning to fish. Just ’cause they have long bushy tails and wear black masks..
    I helped relocated a racoon from a busy downtown area once. The church where I worked had a small outside meditation space that included a koi pond. Mr. Racoon was living large, but I am sure he found plenty to eat in his new, woodsy habitat.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jul 10 2017 7:32 am

      You’re right: local kids fishing in Halloween costumes year round HAHA
      No doubt your raccoon though he’d found paradise…you didn’t see him hitchhiking later? While amazingly adaptable, nothing could be more wonderful than a relocation to the wilds. Thanks for assisting the paws!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Kate Crimmins / Jul 10 2017 7:03 am

    Can’t believe whoever put in the pond didn’t advise them about raccoons and build in some things to discourage. We have raccoons. They “fish” on the bird feeders but do not touch the fish in the pond although they occasionally knock a pot over while bellying up to the bar for a drink. I always suggest new pond people start with goldfish. Cheaper especially while you are learning. Then you can use that money to buy extra sunflower seeds.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jul 10 2017 1:43 pm

      There is an amazing pond/landscape place west of town that has an annual spring Lily Pond Festival…so beautiful visitors are spellbound and before they know it, their charge cards are maxed out and the car loaded with build a pond materials and plants. Probably first DYI project that couple ever did…and they were the type to ignore the instructions included. They put it in an unfortunate place: right under a roof line valley so stuff was always flowing/falling into the pond and then the pond would overflow…they thought the people talking about frequent heavy rains were kidding.
      I like the free basic carnival gold fish. Tough, and some do grow up to be pretty …we had to take a couple of giants that kept glaring at me about their meager bowl, then their tank, then their new and improved larger tank to the arboretum which had just started a new pond area and were quite happy to take them.
      Sunflower seed come in really large sacks these days…the squirrels let a note as we kept running out. HAHA
      Thanks for soothing the waters with a fishy remark
      Thanks for

      Liked by 1 person

  4. easyweimaraner / Jul 10 2017 7:07 am

    ha! I have such a coyote with TNT… as if it would be needful to give a weimaraner a tnt-coyote LOL


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jul 10 2017 1:47 pm

      I have a feeling both you and Molly would just welcome the coyote as a playmate. (Friends outdoors, please! If it’s not 98 degreesF, it’s raining. You can just nap or risk a sneak attack and chasing of the cat so much.) Thanks for snorting along.


  5. Under the Oaks / Jul 10 2017 8:29 am

    Living on our Tiny Ten acres… we think we own our home but we really rent from the critters! Mentioned this fact before over at Kate’s blog… 🙂


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jul 10 2017 1:32 pm

      At a certain point, 10 acres is plenty to keep up with and enjoy. Besides if you have more land there are invisible signs only animals and birds see that proclaim “always room for one more” and you end up with a huge bills at the feed store.(“It’s winter, they can’t be turned away to starve…”) Yep, staff not owners. HAHA
      Thanks for caging a comment to leave


  6. Sarah Ferguson and Choppy / Jul 10 2017 10:22 am

    That is a hilarious list – thankfully, our coyotes appear not to have watched any cartoons recently.

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jul 10 2017 2:03 pm

      So they are tired of summer rerun shows…careful, the may be scripting some news ones for fall. Thanks for giggling along

      Liked by 2 people

  7. The Hook / Jul 10 2017 12:22 pm

    We have rabbits living in our backyard.
    And squirrels and birds in the front and sides.
    Nature rules.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jul 10 2017 2:05 pm

      Nothing like a well balanced yard. (Lucky you have a dog or they’d be knocking on the door as cold weather arrives.) Thanks for calling the wild home.


  8. The Coastal Crone / Jul 10 2017 6:54 pm

    People want to be near nature but then are surprised when the neighbors visit. The sheriff’s office has a great sense of humor. We found a blue crab in our back yard once.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jul 10 2017 7:45 pm

      But in Disneyland all the birds and creatures sing and dance happily.
      A blue crab? Cool! Much easier to relocate than a gator…those guys smile, but there’s something about it…
      Thanks for trapping a comment to leave


  9. Ally Bean / Jul 11 2017 10:03 am

    Coyotes show up around here. They are a menace to small dogs who are left unsupervised outside in the back yard with invisible fences. As you probably realize coyotes aren’t aware of these fences, so they attack the small dogs. Seemingly this behavior baffles some of our neighbors who don’t understand how a coyote could get to that dog. 🙄


  10. heretherebespiders / Jul 11 2017 3:11 pm

    Love the official advice bulletin!


  11. LordBeariOfBow / Jul 12 2017 12:04 am

    A picture of Raccoon chevalier would not have gone astray, as I have no idea what it looks like, I mean if I was to write about a Bilby I’d certainly shove a picture in, fair crack of the whip chum! 😀 😈 🐻


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jul 14 2017 8:25 am

      Ah, yes a picture is certainly worth a thousand words. For your entertainment, RC Cat of the Realm has recreated Sir Raccoon’s image and I shall attempt to insert that picture. He was quite the courtier and stood well over knee high. He often left his handprints on the windows from peering in to see when the movie Guardians of the Galaxy would be on again. (He was quite proud a relative had the starring role as Rocket.)
      (Update – as the pictures refused to go into comments, they are now included in the post)

      Liked by 1 person

  12. / Jul 13 2017 10:19 am

    Lots of wildlife around the edges of our suburban sprawl. But I’ve not heard about raccoons. Coyotes mostly. They occasionally attack dogs or even people. I’ve only seen rabbits in my yard. Cute, but I wish they wouldn’t chew up my lawn.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jul 14 2017 7:54 am

      With Houston- even downtown areas- being crossed by bayou’s greenbelts, bike paths, and parks the coyotes are quite happy even in the big city. They are spotted in downtown parking garages and have to be relocated periodically – lots of restaurants, alleys, and few people actually live downtown, so not too many humans at night. One was spotted trotting through expensive neighborhood that sits on the edge of downtown with bayou greenbelt on one side and restaurants on the other. He was filmed heading home down the manicured boulevard and yards headed to the bayou after a night of snacking pet food and dumpster diving. Looked well fed in the video. Maybe that’s what is keeping the rabbits down here. NASA has herds of deer as well as a cougar on their grounds. It’s a whole little eco system in there with prairie, ravines, and forest/brush. Fortunately there’s also a big fence to keep humans out.
      Thanks for herding a comment this way


  13. cat9984 / Aug 7 2017 3:09 pm

    Rather like the people who move into the country and complain about the smell of the cows.


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