No lard, if by land.

Counter attacks being planned?(USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Smacks of a cartoon sketch. Maybe one featuring Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd. Yosemite Sam. SNL.

What’s more fun than going hog wild? Partying with wild hog hunting from a hot air balloon.

Guns and balloons. You can’t make this stuff up.

It’ll be legal in Texas as soon as the Gov. signs HB3535.

Yep, indeedy. Usin’ that darn helicopter to hunt hogs is no longer trendy.

The sky-high powered vantage point worked for a while, but the hogs quickly figured out that the whop-whop noise meant run for cover in the brush thicket.

Helicopter hog hunting brings in tourist dollars, but has become less effective in solving the feral hog problem.

First adopters are already huffing and puffing getting ready for the start of balloon sneak attacks.  

Will the hot air balloon option alter the hog hunts’ image from slaughter to a more elegant, refined even, experience?

Certainly worked for camping. Went from roughing it to Glamping it.

Extreme makeover for hog hunting. Bound to win new high-powered, well-heeled aficionados.  (USPD/commons.wikimedia.org)

I can already envision the glossy perfume-style ads on TV and in magazines:

Lift off in romantic style into the quiet sky and watch as the land glides beneath under you. (Just watch the power lines and keep an eye on the winds and buildup of thunderclouds…)

No longer will participants have to wear those unattractive, hair style crushing, bulky ear coverings. (Refined cool is not simply compatible with hard clamshell ear muffs.)

Surely there will be room for retro wicker picnic baskets full of cucumber sandwiches, delicate cheeses, chilled wines, and fine napkins. (A whole new industry of provisioning for balloon hunting might actually fly. Call up Shark Tank now.)

Assist the Parks and Wildlife department in the effort to eliminate a non-indigenous species damaging native plants as well as valuable habitats. (Almost sounds environmentally friendly, right? Much more genteel than “Die, obnoxious piggies, die!” )

Finally. Style and elegance returns to flight. (So much like an arcade game: if you miss your shot, simply drop the anchor on the hog.)(USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

The flighty idea might sound humorous, and maybe not perfect, but it’s better than the original suggestion of tossing poisonous bait everywhere.

But don’t sell the piggies short. Bet they tune into to this new threat quickly, too. (Piggy voices, “Up in the sky, look: It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, it’s balloon hunters. Run.”)

Up. Up. And away.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

Read more?

• “New spin on. helicopter hog hunting” (2011)
• “Just odd: Hogs, Helicopters. Fine Dining” (Sept.2011)
• “Texas silencing guns?” (2012)
• “Hog-dini. Zombie hogs. Real wild.” (2013)
• “Killing Bacon” (2017) Poison turned out not to be the final solution.