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June 1, 2017 / philosophermouseofthehedge

No lard, if by land.

Angry pig in tree. 1905. Leslie Brooke. Three little Pigs. Gutenberg proj/USPD pub.date/Commons.wikimedia.org

Counter attacks being planned?(USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Smacks of a cartoon sketch. Maybe one featuring Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd. Yosemite Sam. SNL.

What’s more fun than going hog wild? Partying with wild hog hunting from a hot air balloon.

Guns and balloons. You can’t make this stuff up.

It’ll be legal in Texas as soon as the Gov. signs HB3535.

Yep, indeedy. Usin’ that darn helicopter to hunt hogs is no longer trendy.

The sky-high powered vantage point worked for a while, but the hogs quickly figured out that the whop-whop noise meant run for cover in the brush thicket.

Helicopter hog hunting brings in tourist dollars, but has become less effective in solving the feral hog problem.

First adopters are already huffing and puffing getting ready for the start of balloon sneak attacks.  

Will the hot air balloon option alter the hog hunts’ image from slaughter to a more elegant, refined even, experience?

Certainly worked for camping. Went from roughing it to Glamping it.

Hot air balloon Sentimental collecting card. 1860's-1900. LoC (USPD.pub.date/commons.wikimedia.org)

Extreme makeover for hog hunting. Bound to win new high-powered, well-heeled aficionados.  (USPD/commons.wikimedia.org)

I can already envision the glossy perfume-style ads on TV and in magazines:

Lift off in romantic style into the quiet sky and watch as the land glides beneath under you. (Just watch the power lines and keep an eye on the winds and buildup of thunderclouds…)

No longer will participants have to wear those unattractive, hair style crushing, bulky ear coverings. (Refined cool is not simply compatible with hard clamshell ear muffs.)

Surely there will be room for retro wicker picnic baskets full of cucumber sandwiches, delicate cheeses, chilled wines, and fine napkins. (A whole new industry of provisioning for balloon hunting might actually fly. Call up Shark Tank now.)

Assist the Parks and Wildlife department in the effort to eliminate a non-indigenous species damaging native plants as well as valuable habitats. (Almost sounds environmentally friendly, right? Much more genteel than “Die, obnoxious piggies, die!” )

Men and woman in elegant hot air balloon with whicker basket and anchor. 1874. LoC (USPD.pub date/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Finally. Style and elegance returns to flight. (So much like an arcade game: if you miss your shot, simply drop the anchor on the hog.)(USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

The flighty idea might sound humorous, and maybe not perfect, but it’s better than the original suggestion of tossing poisonous bait everywhere.

But don’t sell the piggies short. Bet they tune into to this new threat quickly, too. (Piggy voices, “Up in the sky, look: It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, it’s balloon hunters. Run.”)

Up. Up. And away.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

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22 Comments

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  1. easyweimaraner / Jun 1 2017 6:18 am

    I always have the picture in my mind as my cousin booked a balloon ride for my aunts 80th birthday… there was a strong wend what blew the balloon into trees and the aunt had a hard exit…. she looked at her son and said: not yet you heritage vulture ;O))))

    Liked by 2 people

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 1 2017 6:30 pm

      Whew! What a birthday event that was!
      All I could think of was the vintage movie “Around the World in 80 Days”. It always sounds so adventurous…but if I went it would somehow end up being a bugs bunny cartoon for sure. Locally they better dodge the oak trees and all the power lines/windmills or hogs will get the last laugh.
      Thanks for floating such a great comment into this field

      Liked by 1 person

  2. shoreacres / Jun 1 2017 7:50 am

    I think I know where we can find the hot air to fuel the balloons, too. There’s plenty in Austin.

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 1 2017 6:33 pm

      Yep. Naturally gassy. (This was just such a giggle..and a snort. The piggies are a terror, but this instead of making time for them to talk about property tax reform? Hogged all the time.
      Thanks for filling up the comment tank

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Ally Bean / Jun 1 2017 8:10 am

    I’ve never wanted to ride in a hot air balloon, nor have I ever wanted to shoot a hog. Thus, this trend will fly by me– as it should all other people… imho.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Kate Crimmins / Jun 1 2017 2:11 pm

    Animals adjust quickly to sounds. Those piggies will be selling hot dogs to tourists!

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 1 2017 6:39 pm

      I expect pig operated drones will be the next big concern for balloonists. Thanks for anchoring the comment basket with a very real possibility

      Liked by 2 people

  5. The Coastal Crone / Jun 1 2017 2:55 pm

    It has been a crazy legislative session and I tried to keep up somewhat but I missed this on, Phil! You handled it with class but I did have to look up the HB. Sure enough it will be legal! Only in Texas! They can be destructive but I didn’t like the idea of poison. Not sure it will work. Some hunters bow hunt. Not sure how either would work in a hot air balloon. Can see a hunter falling out! I have a relative that has a hunting lodge on his ranch. Will have to see if he is planning on adding balloon hunting. Would create additional problems and photo opportunities!

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 1 2017 6:41 pm

      Hilarious, right? Have to wonder: some rifles have quite a kickback, so will shooters have to wear safety harnesses anchoring them in? Will the balloon every be pushed backwards in the air by hunter’s shooting forward? (That’s bound to be a cartoon sequence). Oh, all the fun awaits. (Drones might be easier for photo shoots?) Thanks for giggling along

      Liked by 2 people

      • Beth / Jun 3 2017 3:51 pm

        That was my thought, too. In Austin we have a weekly newspaper (?) called the Austin Chronicle, and in it is a section called “News of the Weird”. I see a future mishap in the making that will one day show up in this section to everyone’s amusements – oh, look at the funny Texans. Yee Haw, Y’all!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. heretherebespiders / Jun 1 2017 2:58 pm

    I’m wondering who is going to collect the piggie corpses, assuming the balloonists are successful?

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 1 2017 6:57 pm

      I’ve heard the fire ants are sending out invitations to massive banquets and 3 day festivals (that’s about how long it would take them and the vultures to clean up.)
      Good question. When the state employed licensed hunters, the hogs were collected, processed, and the meat sent to food banks. Worked quite well for a number of years.
      The whole balloon thing in theory sounds possible, but in reality? Pigs are smart and will figure out about the shadows from the sky and scram undercover. Bet some tourist dollars will be made until the novelty wears off…if they offer gourmet dining along with the ride. Thanks for hogging the comment pile

      Liked by 2 people

  7. Amy / Jun 1 2017 5:50 pm

    Aren’t they ever just going to let those wild hogs be?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. aFrankAngle / Jun 1 2017 8:36 pm

    Gads …. you crazies are running the asylum.

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 5 2017 7:17 am

      Do you think they could be possibly inhaling too much Mexican burning of the fields’ smoke? (who knows what plant they are burning there HAHA)
      Hog wild! And so many of them – a real plan is needed, but the general public got so upset about the tossing poisonous bait everywhere idea – including the state Fish and Wildlife agency. Had to give the hurt feelings Ag. Dept something? Something always up in the air around here.
      Great to see you – will wander over shortly (been hog wild with some involved DIY projects and assisting with small child with relative’s caregiver MIA)

      Liked by 1 person

      • aFrankAngle / Jun 8 2017 7:06 pm

        Who knows the reasons … too many crazies for me.

        Like

        • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 11 2017 7:52 am

          See that balloon incident where the pilot was hanging by his feet when the balloon took off? He shortly fell “jumped” out leaving the 2 passengers in the basket. Luckily they managed to escape unharmed as the wayward balloon bumped into other balloons and some trees. Now it that had been hunting trip balloon? Yep, oddity keeps things interesting and humorous.

          Liked by 1 person

  9. colonialist / Jun 8 2017 3:33 am

    I do like that ‘Superman’ song. Brings back memories. 🙂

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Jun 11 2017 7:54 am

      The world is full of “Fractured Fairy Tales” and could use a few more super Bullwinkles and Rocky J Squirrels. Thanks for the fly-by.

      Like

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