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December 16, 2015 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Santa’s Naughty List: Dog shaming

Dog refusing to look. pretend innocence...NO permissions granted. ALL rights reserved. Copyrighted

Is ignorance of the Santa Clause a defense?©

Easy Walk Harnesses: 0

Molly: 9

During the holidays stress related incidents shouldn’t count.

dog harness chewed. NO permissions granted. All rights reserved. Copyrighted

Exhibit A (“It was tired and out of fashion anyway!” she whispers in hope.)©

It was only a lapse.

So excited – over the moon excited after a long day of rain – to be in the car going to run with a pack of friends in the field.

No premeditated intent:

That happy lower jaw just slipped unnoticed between her harness chest strap and her chest.

That needing to be soothed upper jaw closed – just to mouth the lovely strap. Like with the bedspread. A calming strategy! Like a pacifier.

Those teeth spontaneously clinched like the paws’ nails on the seat with uneven traffic flow.

Can’t blame her razor-sharp teeth! If the car hadn’t stopped so suddenly right at the gate, her jaws might not have chomped down so hard. Anxiety. Totally acceptable action.

Still, that growing pile of sliced and diced harnesses is pretty difficult to ignore. (My kingdom for a harness repair shop. Perhaps recycle and weave into a door mat?)

Close-up of chewed harness strap. NO permissions granted. ALL rights reserved for this image. Copyrighted

You know how lawyers get so many clients off on technicalities in court? Technically, this strap isn’t completely munched through. Santa?©

There’s still time for Santa to see a repentant and reformed dog.

He’ll approve of the holiday jolly red harness now in use. (No need to admit it was abandoned by The German.)

Maybe Santa will shake like a bowl full of jelly watching us put it on:

“Put your left paw in. Shift, but don’t take the left paw out. Put your right paw in. No, don’t shake that paw all about. Take your right paw out of the left loop. Put the right paw, here, here. Left paw on the left! No shakin’ all about. You do the harness hokey pokey with face licks optional. Will we never get to go out?”

Putting on a harness should not be a test of hand-eye coordination or a wack-a-mole type game, but maybe the effort will impress Santa.

Molly hopes so.

She’s just run in asking if maybe the reindeer might want the unchewed harness pieces for emergency repairs in route on Christmas Eve.

Her heart is in the right place even if her teeth are not.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

Worried dog.NO permissions granted. ALL rights reserved. Copyrighted

Worried. Despite all reassurances.©




  1. Kate Crimmins / Dec 16 2015 12:33 am

    Oh my! Hysterical! Poor Molly! I’m sure it was an accident. She would never do that one purpose…….


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 16 2015 1:09 am

      She was simply over stressed – the holiday traffic. It was taking so loooong to get there. Anyone could identify, right Santa? Thanks for adding to the holiday merry!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Carrie Rubin / Dec 16 2015 12:47 am

    I seem to remember this being a problem last year too. Molly’s making a lot of money for that leash company!


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 16 2015 1:07 am

      Some people chew their nails, Molly…Oh, well, maybe the elves can magically mend it? It is the season for dreams and hopes! Thanks for riding the sleigh this way. Jingle on

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Littlesundog / Dec 16 2015 1:21 am

    Molly does look a bit worried. It’s such a small infraction. No sense in dousing the wonderful holiday cheer!

    Liked by 2 people

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 16 2015 2:27 am

      Funny how sensitive animals are. They know! She’ll perk up soon. We’ve told her Santa has seen how she makes everyone happy (it’s her job and she does it well) and that means a lot to him. Thanks for jingling along


  4. Ally Bean / Dec 16 2015 2:15 am

    I really like Molly. She may not be the most well-behaved dog, but she never fails to entertain. What a goof!

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 16 2015 2:30 am

      One jolly little elf dog, for sure.She never fails to bring a smile…except to RC who doesn’t care for dog nose on her fluff. Thanks for stopping by to add to the merry

      Liked by 1 person

  5. sustainabilitea / Dec 16 2015 2:57 am



    Liked by 1 person

  6. sportsattitudes / Dec 16 2015 3:28 am

    Molly is within her rights to request a full CSI investigation into whether or not her teeth actually are a match to the marks on the item in question. At this point we can only conclude the evidence is circumstantial. The German and RC Cat likely will need to provide statements. Knowing how “strapped” the courts are these days maybe we are “barking” up the wrong tree pursuing a guilty verdict?

    Liked by 2 people

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 17 2015 1:59 am

      Ah, now that’s why she’s watching reruns of Boston Legal and Law and Order – following your advice. Thanks for jurying a nonjudgmental comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. jannatwrites / Dec 16 2015 4:13 am

    Perfectly innocent gnawing… I mean look at her face, it’s obvious she wouldn’t do it on purpose 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 17 2015 1:55 am

      Molly perked right up when she saw your comment. She didn’t even realize she was grinding her teeth. (Humans do that too sometimes, she’s heard.) Overly excited. But who isn’t this time of year?
      Thanks for sending a reassuring comment


  8. roughseasinthemed / Dec 16 2015 7:58 am

    I was re-reading some of my back posts on pippadogblog and I see Molly was chewing away last year, or maybe the year before … because you’d left a comment about getting them repaired. I still recommend our Perfect Fit ones from Dog Games, the fleecey lining makes them less chewable, I *think*. At least although Snowy looked vaguely interested in them when younger, so far he’s not chewed any, and we’re still with the original one we bought for him.

    I’m sure Santa will visit you Molly, how could he resist you? Such a sweet innocent face. Might even bring a new harnie 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 17 2015 1:46 am

      She’s kept those razor sharp teeth busy for several years. I remember looking at the Perfect Fit harness as her scars were still tender at the time. Now she’s fleeced out herself pretty well – and smiled dreamily at the thought of fleece…fleece like the multi[le mousies she stole and mauled and buried and dug up to maul some more. I hope to go look for a back-up replacement shortly. Putting on this on is simply too much like a conga dance. Molly sniffs harness are like underwear for people – not what is on her Christmas list….although if it was a red padded one, she dreams…maybe like the reindeer wear with bells. (The cat and squirrels would really appreciate that!)
      Thanks for reminding me about that brand. Paw waves, Snowy.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Jane Dougherty / Dec 16 2015 8:45 am

    She just objected to the Easy Walk. That harness is a god-send for walkers of obstreperous dogs, but dogs must hate the sight of it. Good on you, Molly for making your voice/teeth heard/felt.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 16 2015 4:56 pm

      Molly figured out that the harness means going out or someplace in the car. She loves it…she’d love it to pieces if she could reach it and carry it around. (Red is her favorite color.) She sometimes gets so excited she tries to self regulate in the car….unfortunately she hasn’t a thumb to suck on and we won’t let her driver (faster – faster – all the dogs area already there, I know they are!)
      Easy Walks are faster to put on than this figure 8 style. Molly can’t wear a collar around her neck as she had throat damage from the abuse by her original owner. It is against the law to fight dogs here, but not to raise them. Rescue groups were watching her as she was wrapped with wire around neck and body (she must have eaten anything else they tried). Somehow she managed to chew through the wire eventually, and ran the streets until they were able to grab her. Wire was embedded in her skin and she had quite a bit of medical surgery before we got her….and was drugged…they didn’t tell us she was still on drugs and that’s why she was so calm. Despite being mentally and physically distressed, her naturally sunny disposition was always there. Learning to walk on a leash was a battle, but she’s normally happy to stroll along now. Being able to run in a field really helps drain the energy and makes her so happy. But on the way there she gets a bit too excited. I’m not sure she even realizes she’s using the chest strap as a pacifier. She’s always very sorry…and we’ll find another one…the Easy Walk people are very nice. They support rescue groups and shelters, so we try to support them….but Molly, seriously, how many harnesses?…they just laugh when we call. Thanks pawsing to leave a comment. Merry on!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jane Dougherty / Dec 16 2015 5:22 pm

        Poor Molly. People are unbelievably cruel. We’ve had Finbar six years now and he still refuses to leave the house to go for a walk without a terrible fuss. I have to strap him into his harness and literally drag him out the door. I think he’s frightened I won’t bring him home again.


        • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 16 2015 9:18 pm

          Rescues take a great deal of patience and willingness to try and understand them. Never a more loyal animal, though. Finbar knows a good deal when he sees it. Molly had been through multiple homes as a foster due to her medical needs. It took her a while to realize this is her forever home. Paw waves to Finbar.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Jane Dougherty / Dec 16 2015 9:44 pm

          They are such sensitive souls 🙂 More so than many people I can think of.


  10. pensitivity101 / Dec 16 2015 8:46 am

    Poor Molly. Never mind Pet, I’m sure mummy’s not really cross!


  11. easyweimaraner / Dec 16 2015 11:39 am

    let’s say it hangs by a thread… literally :o) but juridically it’s still in one piece :o) my mom couldn’t send a naughty list to Santa, they rationalized the low price for bookpost here, so she said it’s too expensive to send the collective works of Easy to northpole :o)


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 16 2015 4:37 pm

      Case closed. It is still in one piece. Maybe Molly really was trying to create a jobs program for harness makers. Santa might buy that? Thanks for the merrily roll along of a comment! Jingle on.


  12. The Hook / Dec 16 2015 1:38 pm

    It’s not easy to harness one of nature’s most powerful – and mischievous – creatures, is it?


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 16 2015 4:34 pm

      Some chew their nails or suck thumbs when anxious. Molly mauls harnesses in the car. She’s so busy looking out the front and backseat driving, I’m not even sure she’s aware she’s chewing. (Don’t even suggest we get her an iPad to amuse her in the car. HA HA). Thanks for adding a strapping comment. Jolly on!


  13. shoreacres / Dec 16 2015 3:21 pm

    Aaaaaand now! From Boerne, Texas! Well, take a look for yourself. Maybe Santa could take a little hint, so poor Molly can be saved from what’s obviously an irresistable temptation.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 16 2015 4:26 pm

      That’s stout material. Will have to check if they make harnesses as her damaged throat can’t take collars except for ID. We thought we we past the chewing, but it’s really a nervous habit and her attempt at self regulating rapidly building energy frenzy in the car. She just gets too excited and we won’t let her drive. She’s sure she could get us there faster. Thanks for the source – will check with them and beg. Thanks for leashing up a comment


  14. The Coastal Crone / Dec 16 2015 7:23 pm

    Molly has found the right home! Perhaps she was just bored.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 16 2015 9:13 pm

      She is a backseat driver in the little car. Bored and wishing us to drive faster! Thanks for slipping with in a comment


  15. heretherebespiders / Dec 16 2015 11:13 pm

    Loved the hokey pokey description! I put Spot the cat in a harness now and again – and despite how much he loves it, or maybe because he’s gone mental with joy, it is a game of catching legs!

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 17 2015 1:00 am

      I swear the critters grow legs and turn into a hyperactive octopus. Except RC who turns into a fuzzy rock with a harness. She would love being outside, but apparent harness allergy. Thanks for dancing along


  16. marthaschaefer / Dec 18 2015 2:10 am

    No use being mad at the Molly, it’s a Malamute thing. Just shopped on line at Black Ice for the perfect harness for Gaia, Hanni’s slightly insane husky. They took the time to call me and question my choice of sizing. The woman on the phone actually remembered I was the crazy lady who, many years ago, bought sledding harnesses custom-made for Boxers. History will catch up with you Molly.


  17. D. Wallace Peach / Dec 24 2015 5:05 pm

    Oh, Molly looks so sweet… those harnesses are for the dogs, um, well, metaphorically speaking. If she had opposable thumbs, she wouldn’t need to use her teeth, right? Born to chew and happy on the couch – a dogs life. Happy holidays 🙂


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 24 2015 6:54 pm

      Molly’s been inquiring about learner’s permit and driver’s licenses – you know teenagers. She wants to party more often with friends in the fields – and since we are so busy, she could just…
      Or maybe tandem hoverboards?
      Merry Christmas to you and yours! Jingles on.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Unconfirmed Bachelorette / Dec 26 2015 6:40 pm

    I offer Molly a pro bono defense. And she will win because as she said: (a) it’s technically still intact; and (b) she was under duress. Certainly much worthier defenses than Twinkies and affluence. I hope you got lots of treats and outdoor fun for Christmas, Molly!



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