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November 30, 2015 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Hunk-a-hunk of burning love.

Has to be just right or else. Walking on broken glass is easier than buying gifts.

New video game? Ho-hum. People want something powerful enough to burn memories for a lifetime – for tales to tell long after moving into the Senior Citizens’ Home.

Nothing will brighten up the day like unwrapping your very own flamethrower.

Yep, available on-line in multiple colors. Pink camo? Probably. The ladies like to get in on the action these days, too.

Always fantasized about taking on a commando role? Even giant screen gaming can’t compete with the real experience of handling your very own flamethrower!

Always wanted to recreate a Game of Thrones episode? Flame it up, dragon.

Always searched for the perfect dangerous alien invasion Halloween costume? Nothing fires up the imagination like a flamethrower.

Always wishing for a way to quiet down noisy neighbors? Flame on for shock and awe.

Flamethrowers are perfectly legal. No background check needed. One quick click on-line and faster than you can strike a match, one can be delivered to your door.

Some state laws may insist on a signature and photo ID showing proof of age over 18 yrs upon delivery, but “valid” IDs for club entrances have never been a problem, right?

Perfectly legit. (Except California has some issues concerning wildfire potential. Party poopers.)

1944. Lifebuoy man-portabe flamethrower held by British soldier (PD released by UK government.War office photo by Woolridge:Imperial War Museum, H37975)

1944. See? A timeless classic.(PD:UK War Office photo/Imperial War Museum)

Just like in those late night TV commercials: the ideal multipurpose tool!

For snake and wild hog management. Not to mention all that brush on the South 40 that needs to be taken out. Burn the stickers off prickly pears and BINGO: instant provisions for cattle.

Perfect for memorable fondue parties or to quick start that charcoal grill. No better party entertainment.

While do it yourselfers may try to cheap out with that can of hairspray and a lighter, there’s nothing like the real thing.

Man using X15 flamethrower in a field. (Throwflame.com)

Be the first on your block! Make short work of yard work. (X15 flamethrower.Image: Throwflame.com)

No more fretting, Santa. Flamethrowers: a hunk-a-hunk of burning love!

Heating up treats for the holidays,

Phil, the philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

Shark design on flamethrower in snowbank (image: enadget.com)

Take that Frosty! Think again Mr. Snow Miser! (Image: engadget.com)

 

 

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41 Comments

  1. shoreacres / Nov 30 2015 1:32 pm

    You know, there’s nothing like a five-day hiatus from civilization to shape one’s perspective. I got up this morning, turned on the radio, changed the station twice, then turned it off. I took a look at my twitter timeline, and made for the exits. Now, it’s 7:30, and I’m thinking of all the uses for a metaphorical flamethrower. I’ve already taken care of a few politicians, true believers of every sort, and the neighborhood beagle that started howling an hour an a half ago and still hasn’t stopped.

    May your day be equally cheerful and imaginative! I have to go find my routine, now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 30 2015 1:59 pm

      Soothing bubbling fountain now plugged in for the duration here – maybe longer.
      “So you just stopped in to see what condition your condition was in…”
      Now we know exactly why my dad dragged up off to the sticks on weekends, holidays, and every opportunity. No phones, no neighbors, only miles of trees, fields and quiet.Dropping out? More like dropping into it.
      Bubbling fountains (No doubt on sale for Cyber Monday! Could the media salivate any more? It would be wrong to shoot the tv when it’s the people jibber jabbering on it?)
      Thanks for dropping a note into the fire

      Like

  2. Satin Sheet Diva / Nov 30 2015 1:41 pm

    Because we don’t have enough to worry about, now your disgruntled neighbor can choose to set your tree on fire when it dares to drop its leaves on their side of the property line…smh. Good grief.

    Like

  3. Beth / Nov 30 2015 1:56 pm

    I’ll take two!

    Like

    • Beth / Nov 30 2015 1:57 pm

      Black Friday will now be “blackened” Friday. I think it has a ring.

      Like

      • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 30 2015 3:46 pm

        It does! (now both words have 2 syllables. Things like that burn phrases into the brain…) Thanks for such a burning brightly comment

        Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 30 2015 3:45 pm

      The potential for seasonal yard decoration special effects is endless. Thanks for firing up a comment

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Kate Crimmins / Nov 30 2015 2:06 pm

    We can depend on your for unique (?) Christmas ideas. One question though…do you have to dress commando to do commando? (Gets so drafty there…)

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 30 2015 3:50 pm

      You know, just realized it, but those with fish ponds that freeze over winter?…Replace that waterfall with winter’s warm glow of flame!(might need to add natural gas line for that eternal warmth concept)
      (Check the fine print for appropriate attire when using flamethrowers…no doubt the pink camo one for women does address/undress that?)
      Thanks for warming up the room with a comment

      Liked by 1 person

      • Kate Crimmins / Nov 30 2015 6:06 pm

        With one of those things, my fish would be fried!

        Like

        • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 30 2015 6:33 pm

          Well, they would be warm. Flames are so Las Vegas- perfect for New Years? Thanks for fending for the fish

          Like

  5. memoirsofahusk / Nov 30 2015 2:46 pm

    And to think I nearly didn’t read this. Makes my worries about whether we’re going to commit to bombing Syria before the feast of peace on earth and goodwill to all humans so overblown!

    Like

  6. Cecilia Mary Gunther / Nov 30 2015 3:09 pm

    Holy Mother of God. c

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 30 2015 3:59 pm

      What? You don’t have one of these useful farm tools? (Actually these have been available and used for several years in some ranching areas – tumbleweed and brush, or burning off prickly pears so livestock have some water/something to eat in barren years.) But now – on sale! And you get a free t-shirt! Yep, marketing is everything. Thanks for adding a burning remark

      Like

  7. Carrie Rubin / Nov 30 2015 5:23 pm

    And just when I was trying to figure out what I wanted for Christmas, Phil to the rescue! Watch out. It may get a little toasty in my house…

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 30 2015 5:28 pm

      And don’t forget the free T-shirt! You’ll the cool house all the kids want to gather at…You have boys. Better get the trigger lock? Thanks for brightening up the comment pile.

      Like

      • Carrie Rubin / Nov 30 2015 5:35 pm

        I think my sons would lock me up if I came home with that. They know the damage my klutzy self could do. πŸ™‚

        Like

        • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 30 2015 6:27 pm

          HA! Good plan. They are guarding the holiday spirits: home repairs are no fun with cold weather….and it would shoot the budget as far as gifts are concerned. Smart guys. Thanks for the toasty comment

          Liked by 1 person

  8. PiedType / Nov 30 2015 6:13 pm

    I was aghast when I first read that civilians could buy these things.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 30 2015 6:36 pm

      The military stopped using them a while back…so a new market needed? They’ve been available to the public for a couple of years (and ranchers do use them), but now, just in time for Cyber Monday, free t-shirts! Gotta love marketing. (And who doesn’t want to play those video games for real?) Thanks for striking a match to the comment basket

      Like

  9. The Coastal Crone / Nov 30 2015 9:53 pm

    My father did use a pear burner to feed cattle in the winter and even one summer during a drought.

    Like

  10. heretherebespiders / Nov 30 2015 10:05 pm

    Get two! Cheap at twice the price!

    Like

  11. marthaschaefer / Dec 1 2015 12:57 am

    Love the idea but why not just go cheap? Wilson recently squirted starter fluid on his tractor while trying to charge it’s battery and ended up with an inferno. He said at the time his mind told him only an idiot would do that, but he went ahead and tried it anyway. Redneck flame thrower? or Boys will be boys…

    Like

  12. EllaDee / Dec 1 2015 3:18 am

    It’s impossible to make this stuff up. Truth is stranger than fiction…flamin’ heck!

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 1 2015 7:02 pm

      Black Friday and Cyber Monday do open some odd doors. (Free t-shirts!) Gotta love marketing, I mean, Christmas. Thanks for sending a smoking comment

      Like

  13. jannatwrites / Dec 1 2015 5:35 am

    Oh geez, that is scary that such things are available to the general public with easy access. Another reason to not sleep well at night…

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 1 2015 7:06 pm

      If you haven’t seen one during the past couple of years in your neighborhood, you probably won’t now.(except in video games..unless some dunderhead tries to recreate a scene for YouTube?) They must have hired a new advertising manager.Thanks for lighting up the comment pile

      Like

  14. Kourtney Heintz / Dec 1 2015 6:54 pm

    Wow that would make for one surprise under the Christmas tree.

    Like

  15. Littlesundog / Dec 2 2015 3:12 am

    I am QUITE sure Daisy deer would NEVER approve of such a device. πŸ˜€

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 2 2015 1:39 pm

      What passes for “toys” and entertainment these days keeps getting more and more odd. Forest inhabitants would no doubt prefer these objects stay in video games. Dukes of Hazard with flamethrowers could cause more havoc than they had planned. Thanks for leaving a burning comment!

      Like

  16. The Hook / Dec 2 2015 7:41 pm

    On a related note: VampireLover LOVES the King!
    That’s all, baby…

    Like

  17. jmmcdowell / Dec 3 2015 12:03 am

    Mass quantities of fire at the touch of a button. What could possibly go wrong? πŸ˜‰

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Dec 3 2015 12:27 am

      Nothing, right? But they all have those cell phone cameras ready, just in case…
      A gift to really warm up the room? Thanks for lighting up the comment pile

      Like

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