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October 29, 2015 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Hold the chicken

Vintage couple having cocktails. 1960.Twilight Zone. The Chaser episode/CBS.Bureau of Industrial Service/, pub.material/

Honey, how about staying in tonight? There’s that something special in the icebox. (1960.CBS/USPD/

Not that I’m anti-feathers, it’s just you don’t know where that leg has bin. Walmart, as anyone knows, is not a place for chickens  – especially the parking lots.

That place of many aisles has been gleeful since American Express parted ways with Costco. Like an outcast teenager hoping pick up a girl waaay out of his league on the rebound, Walmart took no time in courting the Gold Card for their upscale brand, Sam’s Club. It’s a club! Exclusive too, see? Perfect combo.

Corporate’s eyes twinkling in anticipation. Now all those fancy pantsy shoppers who have scorned their big box offerings could be lured in. Captive audience, at first yes, but soon the snooty bargain seekers will rejoice in their new product source. If they only give it a chance. To see how worthy the offerings are. All that “Yuck, I never set foot in Walmart” mindset will soon fade.

woman and men in office.1963. Twilight Zone.Printer's Devil episode/CBS/USPD: CR/

There’s got to be some way to grab that luxury market, Chicken! Everyone loves chicken.(1963CBS/USPS/

And so now, the invitations are arriving.

Build the right price point and they will come.

Soon. Really they will. It’s all about The Card.

And the discounted “only for a limited time” membership fee. (Of course a fee. People don’t think anything’s valuable unless it costs. Marketing.)

Still, there’s that large psychological barrier to overcome: the Walmart image.

Perhaps a few additional “Specials just for you” deals on Groupon. Groupon’s good. Those people love Groupon!

A discount plus. Two levels. Two options! (Marketing says people love options. Choices). Let’s see.

Hmmm, year’s “membership” so Walmart will allow you to walk in and give them money.

Instant savings. Instant savings are good.

And a free rotisserie chicken. 2.75 pounds! Free! $4.95 value!

Gosh, darn! Honey, put down the organic fertilizer and get in the car!

We’ll brave the parking lot wolves. Run past the circling vultures.


Of course, no telling what that chicken scratched or where it’s been.

Children around man in suit1959. Ed Wynn in Twilight Zone.One For the Angels episode/CBS publicity material by Bureau of Industrial Service/USPD:, no cr/

Mommy says some chickens aren’t ever allowed to go outside and live like real chickens should. Mommy says some chickens are stuffed with antibiotics and don’t eat their veggies. Mommy says some chickens are very stressed. I told mommy some chickens sound an awful like some children. She didn’t think it was funny.(1959/CBS/USPD/

On second thought, hold the chicken.

All feathers aren’t equal.

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

Woman and man at vintage gas station1960.Twilight Zone.The Hitch Hiker episode/CBS/

Forget the chicken. They have pastries, cheap stuff, and accept American Express.(CBS/USPD/




  1. easyweimaraner / Oct 29 2015 2:47 pm

    free chicken? wow! we sadly have no walmart here and they were in germany just for a short time, but I think that’s what we need. Walmart and free chicken… and we anyway ignore the markings on a parking lot and handle that situation via eye-draft… or not… scratches and bumps on a car are a sign of braveness :o)

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 29 2015 3:51 pm

      Bone free chicken in every dog bowl! Molly definitely seconds that idea. Thanks for feathering the comment nest


  2. Paul / Oct 29 2015 4:45 pm

    So, let me get this straight – Walmart is giving away free chicken? And they are taking Amex now?


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 29 2015 5:45 pm

      Chicken scratchings always raise a lot of dust. There’s a Groupon offer (Link there) of free chicken+ if you sign up/pay for a year’s membership at the exclusive Sam’s Club. Chicken – not sushi or pita chips with humus. It’s in celebration of Amex and Sam’s/Walmart becoming cozy. Yeehaw! Thanks playing along with the chicken in the straw.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Paul / Oct 29 2015 6:45 pm

        Ha! I had a couple of teachers that looked just like that – The big brown one was Sister Joan of Arc and the salt and pepper one was Mrs. Brothers. They hung out together.


        • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 29 2015 6:48 pm

          Probably cackled like a pair of hens, too. Glad to give you a cackle.
          (Got your scary story ready? Just finished mine for tomorrow..I know you’ve got a spooky tale or 14…)

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Robin / Oct 29 2015 7:08 pm

    I don’t understand the point of the two tier membership. Looks like they are “giving back” the extra money in coupons and cheesecake. Weird. I worked for Wal-Mart for too many years, and think of them as the Evil Empire. If only those Walton kids would clean up their image, and maybe share a little of all that money with some of the minions, er, associates.

    Liked by 2 people

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 29 2015 7:24 pm

      The whole thing struck me as terribly funny: pay to join and get a “free” chicken.
      Yep, Evil Empire…don’t get me started (destroyed so many small towns, beat up not only suppliers, but their own people…and then there was the refusing to give 4 paper sacks to Brownies for a project…oh, yeah, they really do support the community. Walking on by.) Thanks for scratching below the surface!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. robstroud / Oct 29 2015 7:11 pm

    Hmmm… think I’ll head out right now for a chicken fajita omelet….


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 29 2015 7:18 pm

      Solved that chicken or egg dilemma. Hey, everyone, we’re meeting at Mereinkling’s house for brunch! Thanks for chasing a comment over this way


  5. heretherebespiders / Oct 30 2015 12:26 am

    Doubt the dead chicken thinks it was free! As an omnivore I am just being the devils advocate. But our chuck chuck has provenance – I would so be suspicious of these poor birds. Even here, in the shops, a bit of filet is injected with fluids to make them weigh more and last longer (eww). Always look at the label…


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 30 2015 1:51 pm

      It’s not free if you have to pay to get it….or so I was taught….but maybe the world is different now? HA HA
      Don’t even trust the label there. This is one company that constantly beats up suppliers for lower and lower costs…which means less money to raise the chickens. They deal with the giant chicken farms which disgust me. Better for us to pay a bit more and know where and how the animal was raised. Thanks for ruffling a few feathers!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Ally Bean / Oct 30 2015 1:08 pm

    Not a fan of Walmart so I may be biased, but doesn’t this whole “free chicken in every pot” idea strike you as desperate? How much of the market share are they losing so that an idea like this one seems good? Just saying. There will be no free chicken here.


  7. Littlesundog / Oct 30 2015 5:07 pm

    Unfortunately in this one-horse town, all we have is Walmart if I want fresh produce. At least they are beginning to carry some organics and cleaner meats. Still, I must travel over an hour to OKC to get to Natural Grocers, Sprouts, and Whole Foods if I want the real deal and no strings attached. I’ve done a lot of research on these companies that offer discounts (and freebies) for members. At my best calculations I’m still barely reaping any savings paying for a membership. Sadly, I think people are lazy or ignorant and fall for these marketing dangles, jumping at the chance for the free item.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 30 2015 10:35 pm

      We are lucky here to have many affordable options including a couple of farmers’ markets and pick it yourself when in season places. Walmart is a double edged sword for small towns. They bring in large amounts of good, but also make a real effort to drive all the local small businesses/shops out of business by severely undercutting prices with their corporate buying and able to sustain a store’s losses for a bit…until everything closes – then comes the lesser merchandise and prices you have to watch. Seen them destroy several small towns. Took down Kmarts, and a couple of small chains that competed with KMart(At least the Tractor Supply survived.) Not really good news when Walmart comes to town, but you do what you have to do to eat – can’t grow everything…or at least I can’t HAHA. Free chickens. Somehow that’s just so Walmart? Thanks for stacking a comment in this cart


  8. EllaDee / Nov 1 2015 7:19 am

    Free chicken or no, I’m with Groucho Marx “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
    Walmart paid someone to come up with this gimmick?


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 1 2015 3:08 pm

      See now that’s the real laugh. Someone got paid for it….we are so in the wrong business.Thanks for adding to the comment soup


  9. marthaschaefer / Nov 3 2015 2:10 pm

    Corporate greed by any other name…Wonder where the chickens come from? Processed in China?


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Nov 3 2015 2:47 pm

      Maybe cut a deal with Mr. Burns who is clearing out the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant before chickens come home to roost?
      It’s just so Walmart. Chickens.

      Liked by 1 person


  1. Hold the chicken | Elements Hyperlocal Journalism Photo-blog

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