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March 20, 2015 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Hot. Light. Weird.

Solar eclipse. Super Moon. Spring equinox. AND massive solar flares?

No doubt the End of Days script writers are working as fast as they can. (Oh, go for the easy answer: It’s all Bush’s fault. Why not.)

Or blame Barbie. She’s a doll and won’t mind. Plastic is as plastic does.

space suited couple (1965. Lost in Space.CBS TV/USPD:pub.date.no cr/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Solar storms? No worries. (1965 Lost in Space.CBS/USPD/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Although whoever is hanging out in her new interactive cloud might take note.

“Hey, sweetie, are your parents home?” (Hack. Hack. Oh, don’t be concerned. It’s just a cough.)

“How about going into your sister’s room and turning her laptop around. That’s right. Turn it to face her bathroom….”

Curious cloud minds want to know …everything? (Hack. Hack. Darn that cough.)

A new high techie Barbie is listening, analyzing, and working to keep conversation going.

Oh, silly. Mattel and consumer data collection groups won’t be an invasive nuisance It’s a doll! It’s kids! What can happen?

What are the chances of paranoid parents forbidding Barbie as birthday gifts? Would not allowing Talk Back Barbie into the house be a red flag for Homeland Security or the DOJ?

Bet writers are already incorporating the chatty dolls in scripts.

Plot might click with one of those foreign spy families hiding in the suburbs series.

Or was Lisa’s discovery about Funzo in Simpson’s “Grift of the Magi” foreshadowing? The episode eerily echoing Mattel’s potential with new interactive Barbie?

Simpson family on bench. 2007 Simpsons Movie advertisement/American treasures Tour/Rhbrakman/Commons.wikimedia.org)

What would Lisa do? (2007.Simpsons Movie promo/Rhbrakman/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Confused? Catch up with this article: Barbie now talks back!

“Child advocates: Halt production of ‘creepy’ interactive Barbie doll”

That Barbie. We should have known. Obviously, a Troublemaker.

She’s been around the blocks a few times. Can’t seem to stick with a job. No visible means of support. Gets others to buy her clothing and shoes. Lots of shoes. Cars, too.

The original Sugar Baby. (And still not an ounce of fat on her) Is she as “real’ as she pretends?

She deftly deflects any idea she’s connected with big oil. Comes from petroleum by-products – that’s different. So what if her factories use electricity? It could be solar. Charge her.

Say what you want…carefully.

Wise to avoid snarky comments on Twitter, Facebook, or blogs.

Barbie’s got a big fan base and mega company lawyers on retainer.

She’s a real star.

Which is why it’s odd she’s even seen at Walmart, place of the teeming masses.

Walmart may not be the store Sam started, but it’s still an active community spot.

Meth labs in the bathrooms. (Dude, why risk blowing up your own bathroom?)

Deals so hot in the shoe department, they’re blazing. (No loafers there!)

Sporting events with customers as targets for blowgun practice.

Frequent purse snatching in the parking lots. (Up for a little jog after a car?)

Here, there are security guards in carts topped by bright blue lights circling the parking lots.

Barbie in evening dress. Berlin (Germany) 2013:Miriam Guterland/Commons.wikimedia.org

She’s in Walmart? Doesn’t seem to be her style. (Miriam Guterland/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Which makes it even more weird that there have been bodies found in different cars in different Walmart parking lots recently.

Locally, one had been there at least a week.

Considering, the temperatures have been in upper 70’s to 80 degrees, you’d think someone would notice.

Maybe there was a force field repelling the Security carts…as well as the smell.

Maybe their Security carts are really Roomba vacs with a prescribed track.

 Maybe employees have been told to avoid all potential conflicts/lawsuits and the security carts are merely stage dressing?

In any case, once Barbie gets tired of kiddie conversations and starts looking for her next venture, she might chat with Walmart.

How about lashing a small flash mob of Interactive Barbies to remote-controlled Segway or Roombas and unleashing them in their parking lots?

Many little ears listening and reporting.

Advertisers could buy time to feature their products when Barbie engaged customers with a little parking lot chat.

Barbie going shopping. Ricardo peralta solis/Commons.wikimedia.org)

She could blend right in while keeping an ear on things. Just strap her on a Roomba for parking lot security zoomba.(Ricardo peralta solis/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Might work – if the Barbies doesn’t talk the customers to death.

Always looking for bright stars,

Phil the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

stars.Embryonic Stars.Rosette Nebula. ESA and PACS,SPIRE and HSC Consortia:US PD NASA image/Commons.wikimedia.org)

Now that’s stellar. (Embryonic Stars. Rosette Nebula /ESA and PACS, SPIRE and HSC Consortia/USPD: NASA /Commons.wikimedia.org)

 

 

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30 Comments

  1. Satin Sheet Diva / Mar 20 2015 1:15 pm

    OMG – as if that doll wasn’t weird enough. smh. And wait…what? Bodies found in Walmart Parking lots? I have truly been in the cave as I have heard NOTHING of this. I guess Wally World really does have everything.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 20 2015 1:34 pm

      So out there (shiver), it was necessary to put in the links as evidence. Of course they could be preparing for zombie apocalypse or something…Thanks for parking a comment here.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. easyweimaraner / Mar 20 2015 1:58 pm

    I never was a fan of Barbie… probably because her hair style was always perfect without tons of aquanet :o) I took photos of the solar eclipse… but as always: epic fail … it was cloudy <—that's a whitewasher :o)

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 20 2015 4:27 pm

      You are right, Easy. No way to brush that hair unlike Molly’s.(although BArbie doesn’t shed…Molly insists she’s sharing with those less fortunate) RC proclaims her fluff is so much softer – even softer than original Barbie’s pony and curled bangs.(Aquanet – that would have been a smart company to have stock in at that time! Clouds of the stuff at school.)
      At least you tried – mine never turn out either…it’s probably the animal fluff on the lens this time of year. Paw waves for the weekend! Thanks for rolling by to chat

      Like

  3. marthaschaefer / Mar 20 2015 2:25 pm

    It’s the end of the world as we know it! What’s next? GI Joe with live grenades?

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 20 2015 4:20 pm

      All the more need to Barbies on Roombas: intercept and distract! (She always turns heads) Thanks for rolling out the laughter

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ally Bean / Mar 20 2015 3:57 pm

    I adore the image, in my mind, of a Barbie riding around on a roomba. I never was a fan of Barbie, although I had one. And I’ve never been psyched about vacuuming, so… put those two things together and I’m ridiculously happy– in a theoretical way.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 20 2015 4:19 pm

      The thought of a flash mob of Barbies Roomba-ing around a parking lot – maybe with Carmen Miranda singing from the speakers. Keeping litter down, too (how could I have missed that aspect previously) Thanks for giggling along

      Like

      • Ally Bean / Mar 20 2015 6:47 pm

        Brilliant idea. Can’t wait to see how you make it so!

        Like

        • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 20 2015 8:37 pm

          Can’t you just see those Flash Mob Barbie pony tails streaming behind them….hmmmm could go YouTube viral….who all do I know with Roombas?

          Liked by 1 person

  5. RAB / Mar 20 2015 4:43 pm

    Great post as always, phil. I believe there’s a lunar eclipse in the next few days too. The universe is a-roil. Is it the end of the world, or cosmic laughter at a people who can apply their brains and science to the puzzle of Artificial Intelligence and come up with a Barbie that combines A-I, targeted marketing, and espionage in the name of “entertainment for children”?

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 20 2015 6:14 pm

      According to space.com/NASA there is all sorts of sky events this year…now if it would just stop raining so we could see them. Fascinating stuff.
      AI is really intriguing to me – if I was in school, I’d find some way to get involved in that direction. (They have to analyze human behavior/mental process first…maybe that would be a ticket to the party?)
      Always thought the Simpsons were clever, but now the show is almost prophetic. Twilight Zone for sure. (and how sad so many haven’t had a chance to see some of the old sci-fi series – the ones with plots, characterization, allusions, and thoughtful predictions – rather than easy simple-minded humor)
      Hope you’ve got some sun up there! Thanks for rolling a comment into the basket.

      Like

      • RAB / Mar 20 2015 6:47 pm

        Sun yesterday, but SNOW today. I see by the climate map that the eastern U.S. was the ONLY land mass experiencing colder temperatures this past winter. I’m not in Boston, but we have had snow cover since early January, non-stop. Yesterday a glimpse of my lawn…today covered up again. Happy Spring!

        Like

        • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 20 2015 8:34 pm

          Just saw a weather report – and all the snow pictures. In ancient times, there would be some serious worries with the eclipses and this never ending winter…another post was talking about burning snowmen in protests (covering them with sticks/brush). Maybe not so strange….

          Liked by 1 person

  6. Paul / Mar 20 2015 4:48 pm

    That Walmart, always on top of the next big consumer wave. What better way to welcome Zombies to their store than to post dead bodies in the parking lot? I mean what Zombie could possibly misinterpret that offering? And, of course, the stellar activities always precede or trigger big changes – like Zombie appearances. I think it is pretty clear when you put all the evidence together that we are about to face the great Zombie Apocalypse. It takes an astute observer like yourself Phil to see all the signs for what they are. It is also a good idea to post Barbies as scouts in parking lots to engage the first wave of Zombies. They can talk the Zombies down and slow their approach so doors can be locked and people can flee. If a few Barbies get decapitated or eaten in the process, that’s the price they pay for serving their humans. I’m sure their fashion sense will make them very tasty for the Zombies. Also, Zombie interaction data can be collected in the cloud and allow the manufacturers to then produce more life-like (if you’ll pardon the pun) Zombies to market to the kids.

    Fun post Phil. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 20 2015 8:24 pm

      Oh, applause! You finished it off perfectly, Paul. (You’d better copyright the movie script now – it’s too good not to happen.) Thanks for the completing the post!

      Like

  7. PiedType / Mar 21 2015 4:35 am

    Yet another reason to avoid Walmart. Not that I needed one.

    Like

  8. Jay E. / Mar 21 2015 2:33 pm

    I knew I avoided Wal-Mart for a reason!

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 22 2015 1:59 pm

      Those aren’t SWAT vehicles – just defensive shoppers! Thanks for boldly parking a comment

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jay E. / Mar 22 2015 2:05 pm

        Sometimes I feel I need a SWAT vehicle for shopping. The Wife reminded me we shop at a wal-mart market all the time, just not at one of those large super centers

        Like

        • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 22 2015 2:26 pm

          After they had the hostage situation at the one closest to us…
          Actually rarely shop there as you really have to watch their pricing now. That and I do not like their policies about so much, not all about how they treat workers – they also beat up their suppliers (which have no choice but to offer lower and lower quality merchandise to meet an ever lowering price point demanded by the company). And I’ve seen them destroy several small towns by driving local established stores out of business (only to then bring in lower quality products and raise prices). No matter how many smiling commercials Walmart puts out there, they are who they are…and hey, Walmart is nothing if not entertaining!
          Thanks for circling around!

          Liked by 2 people

        • Jay E. / Mar 22 2015 7:08 pm

          Unfortunately, we don’t really have a choice where I am

          Like

        • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 22 2015 7:33 pm

          My parents had the same problem. Gibsons, Kmart, and the other small town/regional chains pretty much run out. Not big enough for Target. Not everyone/everything can be done on line. It is what it is. Well, everything has its’ season – anyone seen Sage or Fed. Mart recently? Sam’s Walmart was much different than the mega chain today. Wonder who the next player will be. Thanks for shopping for comments!

          Liked by 1 person

  9. EllaDee / Mar 24 2015 4:18 am

    Makes me think of the Moody Blues…
    We’re past 1984 and 2001 but still… The Spring equinox comes after the dark cloak of winter. Solar flares succeed Halley’s Comet. We see a darkening of the light sky. We should change our way of thought, more if we do not, the way ahead, is dangerously fraught. Grouped together, Barbie’s triumph stampedes the thoughtless herd..”
    “Nothing changes, And nothing stays the same, And life is still, A simple game.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 24 2015 9:45 pm

      That is the perfect companion piece. Nothing better than Moody Blues. (Sigh)
      Thanks for sending those lines this way.

      Like

  10. Kourtney Heintz / Mar 24 2015 5:11 pm

    It’s like being in a video game when you go to Walmart. You never know what is going to come at you or where it will happen. I like the idea of an army of Barbies on patrol. 🙂

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 24 2015 9:54 pm

      Can’t you just see those little pony tails streaming? And all the perky shopping bargain suggestions? Walmart is like being in a movie without seeing the script. Thanks for tossing a comment into this basket

      Like

  11. jannatwrites / Apr 3 2015 6:04 am

    Patrolling Barbies… that’s something right out of Toy Story! I really should watch the news once in a while. I haven’t heard about bodies being found in WalMart parking lots. On second thought, I kind of like not knowing some things….

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 3 2015 3:15 pm

      Hmmm, maybe a market for robots to send through parking lots and into for supplies?
      The thought of an army of BArbies – could be Toy Story’s next plot….better CR that one. Thanks for giggling along

      Like

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