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October 20, 2014 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Wayward sockies. Blowhard Vegetable Invaders.

Dear Molly,

It’s not what it looks like.

no permissions granted. all rights reserved. copyrighted

Although Holler-Ring approaches, this is not, I repeat NOT, a costume trial run. Who could run in these? ©

Your recent letter cheered me. As you can see, I am floored at the moment.

I was going about Realm’s business when I spotted some of Person’s disorderly sockies.  Worried the pair was attempting to slip under the door and slid down the hall without benefit of feet, I gathered them onto the couch and sat on them to keep them warm, cuddlie, and contented until Person returned.  There is no tooth truth to the rumor I was attempting to mouth them soak stains out resulting in dampness.

More disturbing is that Person misinterpreted the scene as a wish for sockies of my own. She seemed so willing to share that I didn’t have the heart to protest. Somehow I must discover a way to jerk these darn things off without tearing them diplomatically decline her gift.

Sigh. Being RC of the Realm is much more difficult than expected.

Perhaps that is why the RC is usually a cat.

Are there some ancient cat secrets about telekinesis and brainwashing mental telepathy with people? If so, no point in asking them to share. Cats.

But to respond to your inquiries, yes, it appears the Vegetable Invasion is growing.

Halloween inflated yard pumpkins. all rights reserved. no permissions granted. copyrighted

Giant orange vegetable seem overjoyed to be under authoritative paws. (Something to crow about there.)

The infestation is even worse here.

Just like rats that get abnormally large around wharfs, the orange vegetables rolling around the neighborhood must be rooted in something ultra rich.  Or possibly bloating up on designer mulch and remodeling dust?

No attempt to appear insignificant, these giant vegetable are full of themselves. Their odd whooshing calls hum loudly in the night air.

While these vegetables may only be blowhards, it would be wise not to get too close. Many seem to be quivering with energy and ready to bounce.

I advise stomping aggressively when near them.

Nose up, ears back, and lip hinting at teeth ready.

Even if Staff is mesmerized and tries to stop, keep walking briskly showing no fear concern. No tail wagging at the people smiles. We must make wise decisions for Staff when confronted by possible rows with veggies.

Just as a precaution, here are some tutorials from the Hard Dog Fast Dog Competition.

If events go as usual, the orange lumps should quickly disappear after Holler-Ring.

These veggies invaders may be frightened by large numbers of costumed children running and yelling in the dark.

Or are even allergic to wafting turkey dinner smells.

Still training is a wise a precaution, in case some linger and appear to be the rotten sort.

Be brave, dear Molly. I am confident you have the skills to turn away any intruding vegetables if necessary. You can tell me. That cat’s hiding on the top shelf in the closet again, right?

Now I must close. This sockie issue must be politely resolved.

No possibility of showing a powerfully veggie-terrifying strut in purple sockies.

No way to hit that 32 mph of the competition runs.

Can’t even get across the hardwood floor to the food bowl without risking foot loose.

How to break it to Person?

Sigh. As I said, being RC of the Realm is much more difficult than expected.

Yours in fur,

The German

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Paws for peace.







  1. easyweimaraner / Oct 20 2014 1:31 pm

    how bad that your idea was misinterpreted by your human… to eat this socks could be the better plan…they are tasty, trust me :o)


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 20 2014 1:37 pm

      Easy, why are people content with stringy dental floss when soft sockies work so much better? They are so hard to figure out. Thanks for stopping by to chew along. Paw waves!


  2. dogear6 / Oct 20 2014 1:44 pm

    Poor Molly! I hope no one was laughing at you while they took your picture!



    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 20 2014 2:24 pm

      The German has sampled and consumed many bits and pieces of clothing, shoes, dog beds, crates, house siding. She was rather nervous after some bad experiences. Perhaps the veggies have her anxious again..she does distrust the blowhards. Her Person was laughing hysterically …the shaming concept totally ineffective. Molly is now requesting orange rain sockies with tread for the winter walks…RC Cat is just snorting (She know Molly would end up chewing the ties while trying to get them on…)
      Thanks for chuckling along

      Liked by 1 person

  3. katecrimmins / Oct 20 2014 1:54 pm

    Purple sockies? I bet they are tasty!


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 20 2014 2:27 pm

      At least Person could get some seasonally appropriate sockies – maybe ones with skeletons on them instead of veggie designs? Nothing is as loving as providing your Person warm damp sockies! Thanks for sliding over to chat


  4. Carrie Rubin / Oct 20 2014 4:12 pm

    I can’t get the image–or sensation–out of my mind of stepping into saliva-soaked socks. What a treat that would be. 😉


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 20 2014 4:16 pm

      It’s like living in an area with scorpions…you learn to look closely first…and put the socks for the morning waaaaaay up out of reach? Thanks for tossing in a chewy comment

      Liked by 1 person

      • Carrie Rubin / Oct 20 2014 4:30 pm

        We had a dog for a short eight days before my husband ended up on an inhaler and we had to give her back. He tested hugely positive at the allergist’s office. The boys still mess with him about it. But I remember stepping on some moist items in those eight days. A little squish between the toes. Good times.


  5. Paul / Oct 20 2014 4:29 pm

    Awwww, the German looks so sad, like his human has been teasing him. I think the German needs a visit with Molly and RC Cat of the Realm to cheer him up.

    **Paw Waves**


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 22 2014 4:10 pm

      The German. “We are so polite even when faced with absurd treatment….one must be considerate with lesser species. Yes, with the lovely fall weather, a nice romp in a green yard with Molly would be delightful. Still working on that telepathy to get the message across to Person. Appreciative paw waves!”


  6. bulldog / Oct 20 2014 4:35 pm

    Rip those socks off Boet…. rip them up good and proper…


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 22 2014 4:12 pm

      The German: ‘Yes, while trying to be supportive of Person, enough is enough….ah, tasty! Appreciate your encouragement!”


  7. EllaDee / Oct 21 2014 1:32 am

    Oh dear Poor German, it could have been much worse….
    The Orange Vegetable Invasion has crossed into sockdom 🙂


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 22 2014 4:15 pm

      The German: “Bow-wow delightful. Especially adore the zebra sockies. But you are right, those big bows on the ankles would make stepping out tricky. Thanks for delivering a warm comment.”


  8. jannatwrites / Oct 21 2014 5:18 am

    Well who wouldn’t want to chew on socks that are fluffy like cotton candy? Now, I can see how purple socks could mess with neighborhood patrols… tactfully handling a misinterpreted gift… something parents have been trying to teach kids for generations 🙂


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 22 2014 4:23 pm

      The German: “Too soft! Too fluffy. Can’t stop. I know. Need Sockies Abusers support group. Person is so kind to share if I only mouth and sog them. Maybe she will take these back if I suggest tread on the bottom is needed on ones for my own personal use? Petco or PetSmart? Appreciate your kind comment.”


  9. reneejohnsonwrites / Oct 21 2014 10:48 am

    How on earth do you keep them on? My German would have them chewed off in seconds. Love the giant vegetation. We’re having a bumper crop of them in our neighborhood as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 22 2014 4:25 pm

      The German. “We are so appreciative of the nice home…and I’m being watched..a few minutes and a turned back and let it rip. All this self control could lead to a run and rip at those pumpkins later. Paws up for Germans!”


  10. aFrankAngle / Oct 21 2014 1:40 pm

    Just part of RC’s plan for Molly’s upcoming costume .. no doubt … yet, a wonderful tribute to police dogs!


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 22 2014 4:27 pm

      The German.”Wearing sockies. Sigh. How good of a role model am I being? But it seems to amuse Person – and I will gladly do anything for that. Appreciate you barking along.”

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Littlesundog / Oct 21 2014 3:16 pm

    I about choked on my coffee – laughter overtaking me! Thanks for a great morning read!


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 22 2014 4:28 pm

      The German: “Creating laughter is a noble calling. I am humbled by your praise. Thanks”


  12. PiedType / Oct 21 2014 5:33 pm

    The infestation is widespread. Why, just yesterday I was driving past what would normally be brown empty fields and saw instead acres and acres covered with orange spheres of various sizes. Disturbing. Very disturbing.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 22 2014 4:30 pm

      The German: “Oddly people seem to be making beds of hay for the veggies – lined up like a homeless pumpkin shelter. Is all their kindness misguided? We shall see. The glows in the dark are increasing! Thanks for sounding the alert.”


  13. heretherebespiders / Oct 21 2014 9:30 pm

    Humans spend money on the darnedest things. Good thing that they can be easily deflated.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 22 2014 4:33 pm

      The German: “Yes, instead of sheltering homeless veggies, the money should be spent on more sockies to share with dogs. Still mushy, but easier to clean. Thanks for a delightful howl.”


  14. jubilare / Oct 22 2014 2:16 pm



  15. jmmcdowell / Oct 22 2014 8:41 pm

    Oh, that look on the German’s face is priceless. 🙂 I would respectfully suggest not “warming up” some other clothing items, or a full costume might appear one day!


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 24 2014 6:33 pm

      The German. We try to cooperate, but at some paw, we feel our dignity is threatened. It was easier when we could blame it all on the granny cat. Thanks for barking over some advice to be considered.



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