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May 16, 2013 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Wrong address? No forwarding requested.

Was the address written down wrong?

The old neighborhood certainly looked different.

No answer.

(The Wanderer, 1818. Friedrich 1774-1840/Photo reprod of PD art/ Artist life+100/

The Wanderer (Friedrich 1774-1840/Photo reprod.PD art/Artist life+100/

A little bleary from the night before.

It had been a long journey.

Finally got here.

Tired. Hungry.

No answer.

They weren’t expecting anyone.

It was a surprise.

(1853-1936.Wellcome Collection/ National Archives 297698/US Public Domain. Fed employee/

End of a long and lonesome road.
(1853-1936.Wellcome Collection/National Archives 297698/US Public Domain. Fed employee/

No answer?

Fancy beveled glass door.

Can’t see anyone moving inside.

It’s early, though.

Well, it’s shady and the porch is clean.

Might as well settle in and wait.

Curl up until they notice.

Ah, a vehicle pulling in the drive.

(Modigliani 1884-1920:Google Art Project: US public domain: reprod of PD art/ artist life+90/

What’s a few more minutes? (Modigliani 1884-1920/US public domain: reprod.PD art/artist life+90/

Opening mouth in welcome, the gator was shocked at their response. Shocked.

First, a reporter shoving a microphone towards him out the front door.

Wait a minute. Media?

Did Publisher’s Clearinghouse finally come through?

Anyone would shuffle and circle a bit under the circumstances: momentary confusion.

Alligator's porch  interview in Parkland. Florida  (Screenshot/

Alligator’s porch interview in Parkland, Florida (Screenshot/www.clickorlando)

Relocation plan? What?

Not ratting on any associates.

Forget that Witness Protection Program.

Although, being new to town, appreciate locating a good dating service.

Always hard to meet and greet the local gals.

Oh, there’s a club? As in sand bar and dancing, right?

No! Let go of the neck.

Not that sort of gator.

No kisses! No means no! 

Must object. Not interested in any kinky stuff either.

Please remove the gag

Not the eyes.  Strongly object to blindfolds.

Untie the arms. Untie!

What? Levitating? Where now?

Smiling gator. (Screenshot:

What do you mean no purchase is necessary to win? (Screenshot.www.clickorlando)

For gator’s sake, please leave a note on the door explaining the gator repo or gator-napping or something.

Do hope this is the right address.

So much for suburban hospitality,

Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

“Alligator hangs out on South Florida front porch on Mother’s Day”. VIDEO of gator’s interview and that kiss. The “Gator Boys” from Animal Planet collects him. Have you ever seen a gator sleeping bag before? Looks like a nice one.

Another gator going porch to porch. VIDEO. Sienna Plantation/Houston area, TX. (It’s that time of year.)

Great Gator Tips What to do if you see one. TX Parks and Wildlife.

Other gator posts:

Don't worry my little one. You won't be used as gator bait often. (Veranda1889. Borckmann 1827-1890. US public domain. photo reprod of PD art/ expired copyright:artist life+70/

Don’t worry my little one. You won’t be used as gator bait often.
(1889. Borckmann 1827-1890/US public domain:photo reprod PD art/expired copyright/artist life+70/


  1. jmmcdowell / May 16 2013 7:55 pm

    I can’t imagine how I’d react if I saw an alligator at the front door! Well, maybe I can…. It wouldn’t be pretty. 😉

    That would not be the kind of gift I’d want to receive on Mother’s Day!


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / May 16 2013 9:14 pm

      Alligators are certainly uninvited guests. It’s odd how many are ending up on porches this spring. Wanting to try out knock knock jokes? Are they now selling magazines? You’d think Swamp Creature would be enough of a career.
      If anyone thinks gators have a future showing up singing throaty songs as a surprise celebration…might want to rethink that.
      Thanks for wandering over to chat


  2. jmlindy422 / May 16 2013 8:39 pm

    Yikes! And I thought it was bad when an opossum blocked my entry to the back door.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / May 16 2013 9:17 pm

      Possums will wander off if you toss food to a remote location – gators seem to be looking for a cool spot to sleep and hang out. (Note to self: check porch before opening door) Thanks for wrapping up a comment


  3. Ally Bean / May 16 2013 8:56 pm

    Those are the creepiest, scariest things. What a miserable thing to have happen– but it did make for a nice photo shoot, so there’s that.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / May 16 2013 9:23 pm

      Can’t believe that reporter opened the front door and held the microphone out – gators can move fast if they want. The kiss pix – what would you expect from Gator Boys – drama for the camera. Although when we were growing up,people always said if you cover a gator’s eyes, it will go to sleep. Don’t think I’ll test that out. Thanks for shivering along


  4. PiedType / May 16 2013 11:24 pm

    The pavers on that porch and walkway are natural heat collectors. Poor guy probably just wanted to catch some rays. Humans can be so inhospitable …


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / May 17 2013 12:25 am

      It’s hot. Maybe the porch was dark and cool and quiet…or maybe Fluffy ….
      I don’t know about Florida, but game wardens here do not pick up gators: “It’s their habitat – you built here…go out the other door and don’t feed it and it will leave” (But don’t go out at night without some bright lights…..)
      I’m pretty upset about the giant 14+ foot 800lbs gator caught last week in TX. It’s a new record and was legally caught with one of the extremely limited gator permits. I know it’s legal – but this gator guy is between 30-40 years old. Can’t bear to look at it strung up with a noose around his neck. Just doesn’t seem right. It’s probably on the news somewhere – but the pictures make me sick.
      Thanks for letting me get cranked up.


  5. EllaDee / May 17 2013 1:11 am

    I think you’ve come up with something I’d hate to find on my doorstep more than I do door to door canvassers… I’m dying to look up a knock knock joke but after yesterday’s riddles, I’ll refrain. Your last comment about the TX story makes me sad as well, so I’ll concentrate on thinking about the game wardens’ advice, and that there are few certainties in life, and one of them isn’t you won’t go to leave the house and find an alligator or some form of unexpected wildlife on your doorstep… all I can say is “Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side” 😉


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / May 17 2013 2:46 pm

      How did I miss that? Should have linked that “Walk on the wild side” song. So glad you mentioned that. Every spring the young male alligators shoved out into the world – the really big ones command the prime dating locations. So many of them have become suburbanites and cosmopolitan gators, you might wonder if they got the instructions confused.
      Never knock a knock-knock joke – those open the doors to so much…hopefully not a waiting dating gator.
      Thanks for tossing a comment over here


  6. The Hook / May 17 2013 11:22 am

    If a gator wants to move in… let him! Give him the keys and head out!


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / May 17 2013 2:49 pm

      Maybe he’s part of an incognito police undercover team? (He’d better carry ID…people are so paranoid these days.) Thanks for wandering over with that idea. (Does insurance cover alligator scratches on hardwood floors? Chomps out of walls?)


      • The Hook / May 17 2013 4:20 pm

        Somehow I doubt it!


  7. Cat Forsley / May 17 2013 11:51 am

    That Modigliani melts me – why- i dunno – still looking for that word – that way of writing you so expertly travel your readers into xx happy Friday x !!!!!!


  8. jubilare / May 17 2013 12:01 pm

    Fascinating critters, aren’t they? There’s something so very elemental about them. I’d probably have my heart in my throat, though, if I opened by door and met one.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / May 17 2013 2:58 pm

      Gators are intriguing – can’t just walk past one without considering. Having them wander the neighborhood is a bit iffy…but if you build in a wetlands or around water here, gators seem to be determined to stay. Usually they co-exist, but best keep pets up – especially in the spring. Most of us veto any plans to build a boat ramp in the neighborhood park which is on a bluff and bulkheaded. Too easy for gator to crawl up a ramp to sun themselves. One stayed around a community pool for weeks one year…it was just too contented there…and people would throw chicken pieces to it. (So it was very happy there…the teen girls and moms in the area, not so. Game warden wouldn’t pick it up – it’s their habitat.)
      Best to stay in a gator free zone! Thanks for sloshing over to chat


      • jubilare / May 17 2013 5:06 pm

        Coyotes are usually the ones blamed for pet disappearances in my neck of the woods. Our biggest aquatic reptile (and probably biggest reptile) is the alligator snapping turtle, and they don’t do much roaming.

        I am glad your game wardens take the alligators’ side! It’s good for people to realize that the fauna of a certain area are part of living in that area. 🙂


        • philosophermouseofthehedge / May 19 2013 11:05 pm

          Momma ducks have to watch for the turtles! We live in a small town outside the big city, but coyotes appear here – and in downtown parking garages. They are smart and tough. Most try to relocate problem animals, but the traffic is not so kind.


          • jubilare / May 19 2013 11:39 pm

            Oh, I live in a pretty big city, and Coyotes are all the way downtown. I rarely ever see them dead on the roads, though. That happens more often to the poor opossums and raccoons.


          • philosophermouseofthehedge / May 20 2013 1:53 pm

            Racoons are just smartypants that think they can out think vehicles – but poor possums probably never even realize they are at risk (head down and moving forward blindly). There’s a reason coyotes always look like they are grinning? Thanks for herding a comment over


          • jubilare / May 20 2013 1:54 pm

            Because they’re in on a joke, probably.


  9. Snoring Dog Studio / May 17 2013 12:45 pm

    Which is why I’ll never live in Florida. Or anywhere there are gators. My gosh.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / May 17 2013 3:02 pm

      Gators smile, but why? Worrisome. They know they can move really fast? I always feel sorry for people new to the area and don’t realize gators are around so much. But it’s news that will finally get some dog owners to leash their dogs.
      Wouldn’t want to open the front door and see one waiting there. Thanks for checking out the gators today.


  10. Beth / May 17 2013 10:25 pm

    I never get anything really special for Mother’s Day (or my birthday, or Christmas, or Columbus Day) – just things in packages – nothing live, snapping, hissing and thrashing on my doorstep. Wait. That’s a good thing! Yay for no gators on the porch!


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / May 19 2013 11:07 pm

      Do you think it was supposed to be a throaty singing Happy Mother’s Day song-a-gram? Some people are always trying to make a buck – and looking for cheap labor… Thanks for partying along


      • Beth / May 20 2013 12:36 pm

        It could be! Of course, where they went wrong is not putting a bonnet on its head. Everyone knows carolers are better received with festive bonnets. 🙂


  11. shoreacres / May 18 2013 1:04 am

    I thought I was going to be able to tell you about something – the record ‘gator – but of course you already have the news. 😉

    Did I tell you about the time Parks and Wildlife picked one up at Watergate? I think maybe I did. It had been harassing folks for some time, and they finally got a couple of guys from Louisiana to nab it. They trussed it up and TPW came and threw it in their pickup and away they went. I think they said they were going to take it southwest – maybe over to Brazos Bend or the bayous around there.

    They’re amazing creatures, for sure!


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / May 19 2013 11:19 pm

      We keep telling out civic association not to put a ramp in the park to the water. Right now we can wander over there and know the gators can’t get up the bulkhead. Sometimes people just don’t think to far ahead.
      Yeah Texas Parks and Wildlife had that giant gator story out almost 2 weeks ago – then the TV stations picked it up. The kid gets the skull and meat in exchange for the hide which was sold. That picture of the gator hung by a noose on that front end loader – it looked like a giant gator-person being hung. A little too human in form…and it was so old. I know there lots of gators (too many apparently so very limited hunting stictly monitored). But that picture was sad. Rumor is there are others as big there – hope they get the word and don’t take the bait. Thanks for swimming over to chat


  12. pnwauthor / May 18 2013 1:31 am

    Okay, we don’t naturally get gators in Washington State unless someone adopts one as a pet, which has happened. When I was a kid, the neighbor across the street had one as a pet and when I lived in Seattle a rumor went around that claimed an alligator swum in Greenlake–a former pet.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / May 19 2013 11:21 pm

      A gator there? Must be a tough one to live in such a different habitat. The problem with gator pets is that they get big…and hungry…and really ornery. Best leave them in the swamp. Thanks for belting out a comment


      • pnwauthor / May 19 2013 11:39 pm

        I know I would never want one for a pet. The people with the alligator also had a doberman–strange family.


  13. jannatwrites / May 21 2013 4:46 am

    Oh my, that is not the kind of surprise I’d like to find on my doorstep. (If one showed up, he’d be really lost, though…never seen a gator in Arizona :)) I do feel sorry for them though- the relocation has to be stressful.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / May 21 2013 11:39 pm

      They picked up another 8 foot one today. Texas gators are lucky – they get transported to parks and state lands. The gators probably sleep the whole trip, the get out and start wandering in search of company again. Hope they have better luck and find a nice spot to stay. Thanks for splashing over to chat


  14. Littlesundog / May 21 2013 10:47 pm

    EGAD! I’m glad we don’t have those here!



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