HRH’s calming pawclamation
As RC Cat of the Realm, We feel it imperative to address the recent mystery disturbing Our subjects.
Totally oblivious With wise patience and insight We thought it best to ignore paws with mousies to see if the odd incidents were part of a pattern.
Superstitious hairball knots are probably being shed by that Persian of the neighboring realm. Exotics are known for creating drama simply for amusement.
In Our wise experience, We have found that there is a logical explanation for everything.
Thus this being Tuesday morning, We
were rudely rolled off the foot of the bed perkily leaped to Our duty early this morning and noted there was a great amount of rushing around by staff.
This did not unsettle Us as the suitcases were not creating an obstacle course in the room.
We smartly curled up out of the way
immediately napping with a tiny snore in order to observe. A great deal occurred while We were snoozing.Nothing occurred for some time.
Then there it was.
No staff screams of “Get off the couch”
We cautiously cleared each room in accordance with C.S.I. (Cat Superior Intelligence) techniques.
We closely examined the Realm’s Frontier domains through windows that were, oddly, all open wide.
It was obvious.
We confronted staff.
What has been done with Our subject, Molly
We, as RC of the Realm, demand answers.
Do you Dunderheads not realize Our subjects are speculating wildly?
It is rumored said Molly upset the RC and has been secretly sent away in disgrace.
We do not approve of staff shoving suspicions in Our direction!
Once again We have been forced to exhibit photos of a happy German to reassure her departure was voluntary and not exile.
We have been forced to purr subjects’ attention to the fact that
totally hyper our fondly regarded Molly was only out of sight on Tuesdays.
Once reassured, Our subjects still turned to folk tails for explanations.
Some worried Molly was really a werewolf in dog’s paws.
We were able to paw-paw that nonsense. We pointed out that
manically running dog beloved Molly was always safely at home at night.
Nervously, some subjects inquired if the large crate was used to keep her contained during the full moon.
Staff had mentioned it was to protect Molly from herself.
That, of course, a juvenile thought.
The teething canine This Molly forgets food is for eating – not rugs, magazines, or window sills. She is simply an idiot needing guidance – and staff must sleep sometime. We must look after their health.
Yet another pointed to once Molly reappeared each Tuesday, she was limp and unresponsive for long periods. As if totally drained.
Some inquired if Molly could be a time traveler risking energy depletion in the process.
It should be apparent how difficult Our job is.
We were able to calm those fear by pointing out that Dr. Who hasn’t visited recently and no time portals exist in the Realm.
A short venture into the always beckoning garage by Ourselves reassure them that it is simply another room of the Realm – not a mysterious black hole where things go and disappear for a while….sometimes not to return.
We suggested perhaps Molly was simply practicing appropriate manners when in the presence of the RC.
Yes. Yes. That is a reasonable explanation for her silent still pose.
Practice makes perfect.
And We approve of this Molly’s diligence.
But now, the Tuesday occurrence seems to be repeating itself.
We, as RC and Protector of the Realm, must confront staff.
What have you done with the dog?
(Oh? A bite of yogurt offered? Yes, We shall sample.)
Now. The explanation?
Visiting with friends?
Since when did Our subject Molly gain acquaintances?
Were We consulted? No.
We would insist on references and interviews. One cannot be too careful these days.
Oh, yes We did paw wave approval of etiquette lessons – in order to
civilize assist her transition to life in the Realm.
But that was never intended to be a rubber paw stamp of all suggestions.
Must I remind staff We are to be consulted in all decisions affecting our subjects?
We cannot be party to tossing her to the hounds.
Oh? Recommended by Gunther, the retired miliary dog in her manners class?
Well, he’s a specialist and has dealt with young recruits before.
Yes. We shall approve.
In fact, perhaps staff should inquire about maybe two days of group therapy for Our charming Molly.
hard headed, full of energy and digging up the yard young and needs a positive outlet for her exuberance.
The Frontier is limited and We do wish Our little Molly to have to opportunity to fully develop her skills.
Staff shall check into this.
No! This is not a veiled attempt to send the
constantly shedding creature poor child off to boarding school.
Staff may carry on.
We must return to Our
We require the delivery of several mousies to soothe Us after getting to the bottom of this mystery.
Note: several is more than one.
And don’t forget to leave an open can of food in the doorway as tribute.
I am RC Cat and I approve this message.