Just the pits: one sort or another
Of course they should be banned. Pits are dangerous. One must consider children who do not listen or do not recognize the dangers.
We, as RC Cat of the realm, are appalled at the ignorance concerning pits. We expected better. But then again it fall to Us to guide lesser creatures.
Sigh. Walk with Us and take notes.
NO! Take notes – not take note-worthy objects such as Our royal mousies. You are with Our media detail. Hush! The paw has waved. You are to listen and relay Our message to Our loyal subjects. It doesn’t matter what your job title is. Do not interrupt us. Have you no manners? Now, where were We? Oh, follow along now.
Pits are just everywhere – sometimes hidden from view – but so hazardous – even to grown men. Some foolish people actually want them and go out of their way to locate them or even make them. Maybe some pits are necessary for work situations, but the danger is always present.
People just must be aware of pits and avoid them.
Children must not be allowed near them.
The walls could crumble and the child could be buried alive.
Even an adult who has the misfortune to fall into a pit may not survive. Even if a rescue effort is immediately mounted to prevent suffocation, the crush syndrome factor cannot be underestimated in a pit disaster.
Even Our esteemed distant relatives are at risk of death if they tumble into a pit. Starving to death. Unable to escape! A thought too sad to think!
Thus, We feel it necessary to create a public service announcement to raise awareness of pits.
What? You say this pits issue is simply an unreasonable concern about dogs?
Well, thank goodness.
We were concerned that Our subjects were so dim.
Now we may get this off Our desk and simply delegate it to one more in tune with this types of pits.
Not Our concern.
(Thus is the pitfall of a messy desk.)
Staff must be reprimanded. While We do not wish to pit Our house staff against Our business staff, care must be taken in order for items to receive appropriate responses.
Now We shall just slide this memo under the door here. And a quick swipe of the claw to sleeping German Shepherd rump.
You! German. Pits are your tribe, so handle this.
(Another sharp swipe is needed as motivation, We feel.)
Aggressive breeds, my tail!
The only thing this hair-shedder guards and secures is that spot on the floor.
Humans are so quick to jump to conclusions and over generalize. It must be their breeding.
We sympathize with your tribe’s suffering of human misconceptions.
It is Our burden to bear.
No, Foolish Canine! There was nothing said about humans bear-baiting in pits!
Simply respond to the memo if you wish to improve the life of your distant relatives, the Pits.
And We warn you: stick that nose under the door again and you’ll put back a pitted nostril!
Do not whine your life is so pitiful! We are not impressed.
We have spoken.
You, Media Person, We are walking now. Do not dawdle.
‘Tis advisable not to linger too long by the territorial border door.
We have found with the arrival of spring’s warm weather that the German is somewhat odorous.
It is interesting to note that cats may have long hair and hairy arm pits, cats do not smell foul.
We feel that is obvious proof that dogs are related to humans.
They say dogs and their masters begin to look-alike, n’cest-ce pas? One of life’s eternal mysteries.
So We have returned to Our chamber.
For your clarification of this task, We award a soft paw to the cheek.
Now, back off.
You are dismissed.
You have Our permission to withdraw.
Our paw has waved.
And don’t forget to leave the tribute of an open can of food in the doorway.
I am RC Cat and I approve this message.
Related posts: (“Biting remarks” about aggressive breeds with bad owners or read HRH’s narratives under the sidebar tag “RC Cat” )