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April 1, 2012 / philosophermouseofthehedge

RC Cat awards Royal attention

Are We now expected to soil our paws with others’ duties? Oh, finally. Someone has been sent. Well, come closer so We can examine you. Stand up straight.

Do not gaze at Our mousie.

Do not tremble so. We have rarely been known to bite.

That is a Royal joke, you may laugh.

Laugh. Quietly with intelligence – not guffaws. That’s so common.

Better. The slight smile with a whisper of nervousness is appropriate when in Our presence.

Now an explanations of your duties.

Of course there are duties – and quite an honor for you to have them bestowed upon you.

The paw is waving!

Be still. Have you had no training?

Of course not.


Staff these days.

While We do appreciate the effort to prune, and plant Our outdoor vista, We question the necessity of employing all available staff to do such – leaving Us unattended.

What it there was an emergency?

What if Our food dish was less than half full?

What if – oh, We dare not even ponder it – what if Our mousies were beyond the reach of Our paw?


We have found it is wise not to meow until the milk is spilt and dripping down the cabinets.

We shall be brave and cope with adversity.

We will graciously accept your assistance.

As you can see, staff has been slow in responding to correspondence

We are concerned the sheets of paper are making the path to Our overlook window ledge treacherous. And the constant print on the computer screen is dull and boring. No doubt most of these are thanks for Our willingness to serve Our subjects. So We shall be done quickly.

Now this one here on the computer screen.

We do so love flowers, so these first.

While thoughtful, One must wonder why the sender would flatten flowers to present them by computer. It is obvious that flattening squishes out all the fragrance.

Such a shame.

A flower like this would surely have attracted butterflies.

We love butterflies – for breakfast and lunch.

That was another of Our Royal jokes.

You may chuckle quietly. Breakfast and lunch!

Actually more of a healthy snack: a short aerobic pursuit, then a bite-sized velvety munch.

Don’t you agree?

Ah, well. One must be understanding of those with limited capacity.

We wish to graciously acknowledge gifts from Our subjects by displaying them – even if lacking scent. Still, flowers of any sort brighten a room. These flowers shall grace that space on the wall

Installation may be difficult as the computer screen is so heavy. Possibly requiring some of that gorilla strength adhesive and some large nails? No, not gorilla nails. What, How insolent! You suggest Our nails? Fool, look through that drawer for something suitable.

We must delicately word a memo to Our subjects:

“Please consider that flowers destined for her Majesty are best delivered to the front door and not the computer screen.”

Oh, what is that annoying buzzing and rattling?

We recall that from somewhere.

Zut alors!

That box is jumping to life – wriggling with enthusiasm or danger?

Quick, We must subdue it. We shall pounce!

Have a care, lesser one.

It seems to be producing a single broad flat white tooth – it is possibly sharp enough to cut!

What sort of creature is this that produces one tooth which rolls out in the same fashion as that amusing soft roll on the wall in the water room?

Wait, this appears to be a sheet of paper?

It IS a sheet of paper?

This is a paper plant, perhaps?

We have heard of those, but We also heard those had a distinctive fragrance.

Oh, you meant a picture of the flower is now on the paper?

We are amazed.  No, delighted!

Even more enchanting is that the floral gift is imprinted here.

What a marvel this box is – despite the racket.

It heard Our heart’s desire to display the floral gifts from Our admirers – and it instantly makes that possible.

Such a wonder. Such a helpful servant!

Reads Our Royal mind without being asked.

We are pleased strange box.

Come. Do not dawdle.

The little box was so eager to help We wish to demonstrate Our approval and Our thanks by exhibiting it’s workmanship immediately. Little box’s efforts shall be a beacon to all others who serve us.

We are waiting.

We are not planning to stretch high and press this page to the wall all day by Ourselves.

Apply tape, quickly.

Our paws grow weary and We are sliding down.

Yes. Yes. There by the window. Well done.

It looks lovely, yes. So real. So life-like.

Yes, do you think, perhaps…..Yes.

Before you retire from Our presence, We wish you to open the window.

We wish to welcome the soft spring breezes.

We wish to welcome the earliest of the Monarch butterflies.

It is fitting: one Monarch welcoming another, n’cest-ce pas?

We shall offer to share our floral gift.

Although so grand a sight just might be too much for a deliciously delicate butterfly.

A fragile butterfly could easily be overcome…

Ah, but I could not refuse them the opportunity  to view the floral delight inside if they so wish.

No, We are not ill.

No that is not drool, how rude!

You reward Our indulgence of bumbling untrained staff with such insults?

Ever tolerant, We seek to calm Ourselves: “Purr in controlled perfection”

But We are no longer amused.

Remember I said “rarely known to bite” not “never.”

We shall scowl Our disapproval through the window until Our staff reappears ready to resume their duties.

You have Our permission to withdraw.

Our paw has waved.


Do not step upon Our fallen mousie in your haste to leave.

And don’t forget to leave the tribute of an open can of food in the doorway.


I am RC Cat and I approve this message.

Related posts: (Click sidebar tag RC Cat or pets)

“And you are here, why?”

” Your Audience Granted (Quickly, Now)”

 “Tagged: fait accompli (according to HRH)” – and others


  1. Jeannie / Apr 1 2012 1:38 pm

    I’m so happy to be granted royal permission to carry on. I humbly bow in your presence! xoxo


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 1 2012 1:56 pm

      RC Cat: “Ah, We always welcome Our intellectual friends who are so gracious to visit and share their adventures (especially ones who do not require mousies).”


  2. katecrimmins / Apr 1 2012 1:59 pm

    You are so beautiful! It must be hard to be humble.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 1 2012 4:04 pm

      RC Cat: “(Sigh). It falls to parents to instill a sense of duty and modesty to their young. (Paw brushing eye). We strive to be worthy. You may sit in Our presence, while we purr to serenity. We graciously thank you.”


  3. MJ, Nonstepmom / Apr 1 2012 2:14 pm

    That last line about “leaving tribute”…..thats exactly what I feel like sometimes. “You may adore me…….now go, and leave the can of tuna.”
    Egyptian society treated cats as gods once and I think somehow that memory is in their DNA !


  4. pennylibertygbow / Apr 1 2012 2:33 pm

    Great information, thank you. Love your cats. My name is Penny and I just began to blog, it would be such an honor if you would take some time to check out my blogs, constructive criticism is always welcome, and it’s nice to have friends you have things in common with. I love history, on my blog I created the first online African America encyclopedia which is filled with rich history and many colorful, bright, genious, artists, scientists from the African American heritage. Please check me out, I’d be so happy. kindly penny


  5. dawnnythoughts / Apr 1 2012 2:54 pm

    Love it! Definitely speaks to my cats =)


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 1 2012 4:16 pm

      RC Cat: “We find it charming Our distant relatives have secured a worthy home. You may purr with Us.”


  6. CATachresis / Apr 1 2012 6:03 pm

    Her Royal Imperiousness has deigned to address her subjects. It’s our place to know our place!


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 1 2012 6:56 pm

      RC Cat: “We are prone to gush much praise when Our subjects demonstrate their understanding of the situation. We look upon our subjects with great affection, kindness, and compassion – as long as none dare to touch the mousies. A soft paw to the cheek for your brilliance.”


  7. rumpydog / Apr 1 2012 9:41 pm

    Oh RC! June Buggie asks me to tell you that good help is hard to find. *sigh*


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 1 2012 10:44 pm

      RC Cat: “Mon ami Rumpy, it is so kind of you to relay messages from that witty June Buggie. We had such hopes for an alliance with the German in order to create an affection boycott to impress the staff with Our disappointment. Only the German found belly rubs just too hard to pass up. It is understandable.”


  8. jmmcdowell / Apr 2 2012 12:11 am

    I believe the colors of the awarded flowers show their best when allowed to bask near her royal highness. Perhaps a future award will be designed with pictures of mousies and greenies to decorate the royal walls.

    Until then, an open can of food awaits in the hall.

    The royal household is most deserving of the awards. 🙂


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 2 2012 2:11 pm

      RC Cat: “We enthusiastically accept your suggestion. (Gracious paw wildly waving in delight). May your wise response be a guide to others. We shall add more praise once We have sampled the delicacy kindly offered.”


  9. writingfeemail / Apr 2 2012 1:03 am

    Congrats to the regal. No humility required.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 2 2012 2:15 pm

      RC Cat: “We are misty eyed from the recognition of Our efforts. Our life is not Our own as We have such great responsibilities with our realm.”


  10. JannatWrites / Apr 2 2012 4:23 am

    I feel honored to have been in the presence of Her Highness. {Doing low curtsy} I do hope she gets her staff trained to give her the attention she deserves. Until then, I leave this can of tuna for her enjoyment. {Slides can of tuna into room and backs out…just in case it’s the wrong brand.}


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 2 2012 2:25 pm

      RC Cat: “On occasion We are overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness of others. (Brushing paw across eyes) Sometimes We despair that Our efforts on behalf of the realm and the difficulties We must deal with are overlooked. Such kindness by yourself, whom We count as friend, reassures Us. Such a tuna treat is always appreciated. We shall allow you to remain while We sample said treat. We shall need some bit of cloth to cleanse our chin afterwards which you shall be allowed to provide. (Soft cheek pat) There, now. We know this honor is beyond your wildest dreams, but We wish to show Our thanks.”


  11. PiedType / Apr 2 2012 6:33 pm

    Filed under “humor”!? Oh my, Your Highness. I’m sure your humble staff meant no offense. Please forgive them.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 2 2012 7:13 pm

      RC Cat: “You see what We must contend with. Our staff keeps offering vague excuses such as pollen. We appreciate your concern and shall consider your request for leniency. We are impressed by your astute observations and will consider offering a position to you – are you able to bring mousies? That would make a positive impression on Us. We shall chat. The paw is waving – kindly.”


  12. My Ox is a Moron / Apr 2 2012 9:31 pm

    I love RC Cat. He should move to ancient Egypt where they were worshipped.


    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 3 2012 1:40 pm

      RC Cat: “We are appreciative of your adoration. We understand the cats of ancient Egypt were well treated, yet there they were had to endure just dreadful heat. We simply cannot imagine the suffering. But your well wishes please us greatly. You may select a mousie for Our amusement.”


      • My Ox is a Moron / Apr 3 2012 4:03 pm

        Oh wise and majestic RC Cat, while the heat of the country is great they lived within the confines of stone buildings. These stones would absorbe the coolness of the night and reflect it during the day. Being the venerated Cat that you are I am sure that you would have many servants willing to fan you throught the day while showing proper obesiance with offers of cold, clear water and your favorite delectables.


        • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 3 2012 4:19 pm

          RC Cat: “Oh, We are encouraged with this information. Perhaps they have exotic mousies. We shall meditate on that. Once again, you have Our thanks.”


  13. By The Hilt / Apr 13 2012 5:50 pm

    You could write an entire blog from this perspective! Brilliant!


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