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March 2, 2012 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Tagged: fait accompli (according to HRH)

My paw has waved. You have Our permission to enter. We shall grant you a few moments of Our divided attention despite the fact We are distraught. It has been discovered Our correspondence is not being handled in a timely fashion.

Our elderly guest has been a distraction.

So We must pounce in and take charge.

Correspondence is in such disarray. Just look.

What?  No, We are not writhing in anguish.

We are experiencing a difficulty. It should be obvious.

You. Remove that sticky tape blob from Our shoulder.

Oh, purr. Such a delicate touch you have.

We are pleased.

You have permission to tell your family you assisted Us.

Now this is a concern.

Something about a tag.

Sent by Robpixaday.

A request with instructions. Appears official.

Of course We have a tag.

It is expected of all those of quality and those who wish to rise in society.

It is a safety precaution.

Things like this should not fall thorough the cracks! One must not let tag requests go without immediate attention.

Oh dear, has there been a lapse? Has Our royal tag expired?

How could Our staff let this occur. The embarrassment.

Well, coughing up hairballs never solved any thing.

The hardest part of any journey is getting the first paw out of the litter.

When did tag regulations become so complex?

(We must check into this.)

But for now We shall struggle through – as a model citizen of the realm.

Oh! Our claw keeps getting caught in the crack around this “t” key. It is quite distressing.

Quite formidable, all these questions. Perhaps it go faster if We dictated and you typed.

No, you may not sit.

We are occupying this chair.

We shall begin.

What? It requests these rules be posted?

How absurd. It might damage the decor.

Just cut and paste them into the body of the reply. That shall have to do

We shall not bother to read them. We make the rules – others follow them.

Pass that post-it pad. We wish to make a note:

“Bureaucrats should be aware that We do not approve of burdening our subjects with unnecessary paper work.”

There. There. There. Remove sticky note from Our royal paw.

Quickly. We are becoming annoyed.

We give you our thanks.

“Purr in controlled perfection”, Our motto, you know.

Now onward to the tag form.

Oh, dear. All this just to secure a tag?

How do they manage to get all this information on the tag?

Our last one was small quarter-size disc.

It must be like engraving poems on a grain of rice.

Yes. That must be it.

Otherwise the tag would be so large and cumbersome.

We should have to have a vest with a pocket to carry it in. Oh, what an amusing thought!

We must asked to witness the production of this new tag. We are intrigued.

We shall write another memo.

“Please assure us that all our subject are given the tiny shiny tags suitable for clipping to a necklace. We wish to confirm no subject is forced to be burdened or weighed down by an overly large tag.” Now, place this one by that other memo.

Oh! Oh! Once again the note appears stuck! May We ask …?

Ah, we are pleased you anticipate out needs.

In fact we are so please we shall allow you to continue completing this form while we soothe our nerves with this mousie. We shall review your efforts and request revisions as needed.

  • What is your least favorite food or drink and why? Strawberries as they stain my nose pink. And those little seeds…
  • Which literary character would you be for one day? Alice of Wonderland as the Cheshire cat and I would make such a cute couple
  • What person (before 1800) would you wish to have as an escort? Cleopatra as We are both Queens and she would treat me with honor.
  • Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right handed batting of mousies seems most comfortable, but quite capable left-handed if the German is irritating beyond tolerance.
  • If it was raining heavily and you had on expensive shoes what would you do? Only the sensible thing, go back inside and curl up for a nap. Although this question seems to have no footing as far as I am concerned.
  • What food pops into your mind for holidays. Oh, Greenies, paws down! An assortment! Oh, callooh, callay!
  • Do you yell at other drivers. We must set an example for our subjects. I only spit and growl occasionally – in extremely difficult traffic.
  • What is your least favorite day of the year? The day the German pokes her nose over the gate into the study. It happens repeatedly. Dogs are notorious for having short memories…each day is a like new day for them. How convenient.
  • How much starlight will cause a star burn? Require more information as to which star is involved and how close one is. Some stars are brilliant, yet kind, and one may bask in their warmth for long periods – Yet others are so fiery – just to be in the same room risks combustion – It’s all that inflammatory language they spout. – not to mention their crack pipes. (We shall be a benevolent ruler and not mention them by name.)
  • What is the course of action when the toe is stubbed hard and feels broken. What? Is this a Red Cross course? Did the questions get jumbled? (Calm cooperative purrs) We have such grace, we glide effortlessly. But on occasion, a clumsy oaf  subject actually steps on our toe. We yowl resentfully and demand to be carried by the offender – all the time making a terrible pathetic sad-face sad-face in order to intensify their guilt. It is Our burden to teach such creatures.
  • How many blogs are on the internet. What? That must be a typo. There are many many frogs caught in nets each year. It should not concern my subjects as frogs are not endangered – despite the pleas from that Kermit actor. Just ignore him. As he says, he has issues. It is not easy being green. 

Ah, you have worked quickly. We are pleased. 

We do not remember answering such questions in previous years. While We do understand the need for contact information and dates of immunizations, these questions are very odd….It is as We are hearing that internet sites and the governments are collecting data – for whatever purposes. But this is Our government and exists at Our pleasure. So I shall inquire as the necessity of all this burdensome paperwork necessary for a simple tag.

We shall write a memo to that effect.

Later.

Now, We must seriously contemplate all these colorful post-it notes.

They are mesmerizing, no?

“Purr in controlled perfection”

Serene.

You have Our permission to withdraw.

Audience over. Our paw has waved.

Fini. 

And don’t forget to leave an open can of food in the doorway as tribute.

Adieu.

I am RC Cat and I approve this message.

Related posts: (Click sidebar tag RC Cat or pets)

“And you are here, why?”  and ” Your Audience Granted (Quickly, Now)”




16 Comments

  1. JannatWrites / Mar 2 2012 4:25 am

    I get grumpy in traffic, too…but rarely spit and growl! Got a good chuckle from the blogs on the internet/frogs trapped in nets question. Good one!

    That is a lot of info for a tag. Thankfully, our kitties don’t have to be licensed here.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 2 2012 2:45 pm

      RC Cat: We sympathize and wish that your hair doesn’t get rumpled from the unexpected stops and starts. It is so hard to maintain a regal pose under those conditions. We suggest you always carry a travel mousie to soothe. Your visit and comments have been noted. We will inquire Robpixaday to determine if you should be tagged – apparently it is a game. No, not “game” as in hunt…although you do have to “hunt” – Oh, we have grown weary. We welcomed your visit and you now have permission to withdraw with our most gracious thanks.

      Like

  2. philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 2 2012 2:23 pm

    Wow. What a Shame. It’s a classic – so many modern scripts and stories are re-do’s of it. Worth the hunt. Enjoyed the comment about books on your blog. Thanks for stopping by here

    Like

  3. rumpydog / Mar 2 2012 2:49 pm

    ROFL! RC, you are hilarious!

    Like

  4. MJ, Nonstepmom / Mar 2 2012 6:16 pm

    This made me giggle because our cat loves sticky notes !

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 2 2012 9:27 pm

      I tried to get a picture of that paw trying to wave off a post-it…but a no go. It is funny to watch….(hope you-know-who isn’t listening.)Thanks for pawsing to chat

      Like

  5. Kourtney Heintz / Mar 2 2012 7:28 pm

    You are so funny! And what amazing voice! 😉

    Like

  6. jmmcdowell / Mar 2 2012 9:01 pm

    What a fun read! “HRH” is such a talented writer to share your blog with 😉

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 2 2012 9:41 pm

      RC Cat: “We appreciate your appreciation. As such a person of such excellent taste, you may select my afternoon mousie – not that one, I snuggled with it yesterday. Not that one, it’s flat. Oh, fine. That one will do. Purr with me until I drift off, then you have permission to …..” (Uh, thanks for being so obliging – I’m sorry, RC gets a tad difficult between mousies. Quietly, escape – I mean, leave now! Thanks again for stopping by)

      Like

  7. writingfeemail / Mar 2 2012 10:11 pm

    Completely delightful – paws-itively perfect.

    Like

  8. Bongo / Mar 4 2012 5:10 am

    RC, that was the best response to a tag I’ve read yet. I hate to admit that a cat did it, but what can I say?

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Mar 4 2012 5:51 pm

      RC Cat: “We are glad our comments provided some entertainment. Do hope you are able to rectify the situation of not getting outside to play. Since we are so impressed with your own services to Furkind, we will offer to play ball with you on some occasion. We are good at batting. I understand you catch well. Delightful.”

      Like

  9. Sunshine / Mar 13 2012 1:30 pm

    Cute, cute, cute post! 🙂

    Like

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