Realm’s Unfortunate Incident: the cover-up
Hey. Over here.
Quickly while HRH is zoned out occupied.
No, don’t talk yet.
Careful. Watch your step.
Flattened mousies are a punishable offense.
OK. Now. Uh, how did the RC seem to you? Suspicious?
Sleepy? Good.
Staff doing our best to keep it from her.
She will be outraged once it is discovered.
That catnip laced bag has been an ankle saver.
Thankful something could distract her – to buy us some time.
Is the coast clear?
Oh, no. Molly the Mauler, get back.
No, you do not want to go in there right now. Go.
It had been going so well.
Here. What do you think?
Staff managed to grab this one in time.
A little damp.
The tail? Oh, RC pulled that off years ago, so it’s OK.
Ears and whiskers intact.
Washed and hidden to dry in the dish rack.
Hopefully after a few hours in a bag with some fresh catnip, it can be carefully placed back with the others.
Second favorite mousie in better times
It is second favorite mousie.
It must survive and be favored.
For all our sakes.
Favorite mousie, sigh. Did not fare so well.
Pried it out of those jaws looking like a lump of magazine pulp on a wet street.
Soft fur no match for sharp puppy teeth.
No, Molly. Don’t even think about it. Down.
It was going so well.
We must proceed with great care.
If RC suspects anything, there will be an inventory.
Then an inquiry.
Eventually, it will come out.
Molly can’t keep a secret.
Here. Here’s the door.
Make a break for it. The more distance you put between yourself and this situation, the better.
Remember this is a secret….
And if you are tempted to mention it to a certain Despot Ruler of the Realm?
Just remember, it has been noted you did not leave an open can of cat food as tribute on your way out as instructed.
And your fingerprints are on the second favorite mousie.
And staff might be inclined to remind the RC about a certain party that refused to see the wave of the paw…..
We may be staff, but we have studied under the master: RC.
Good.
We understand each other.
Best leave on little cat feet – like the fog.
As the RC says, “Adieu, mi chere!
Always looking out for you,
(and don’t even think about forwarding this message to a certain One-who-will-not-be pleased.
We know where you blog…)
Staff of the Realm.
Our forced servitude motto:”We only exist to pamper and serve the RC of the Realm”
Confused? Catch up with this post:
“Unfortunate incident in the Realm?” (like anything RC says or does explains anything)
Confessions of not-a-cat-whisperer. An official-ish “Gallery of the Mousies”:
“Mousie-ology. I-don’t-speak-cat” (Please. I’m trying. What do you want? I’m begging here.)
Nothing wrong with a little eavesdropping. Wait! Did they say what I thought they said?
What’s funny is that Dixie does the damage herself. I had to quit giving her the little fur mousies because the routine always was the same: (1) bite off and eat the tail, (2) chew the bejabbers out of the thing, (3) deposit the carcass in the water bowl and leave it to drown. I didn’t mind keeping the supply fresh, but the vet said all those tails could cause… um…. problems.
RC Cat: “Oh, Miss Dixie sounds like an old school Regent. Quite the playful one, she is! At one time all Our mousies had tails bobbed – until We decided it was more amusing to bat them than to destroy them. We try to be frugal as an example to Our staff…who seem to throw away many valuable playthings if We do not watch carefully. We send Miss Dixie a grand paw salute in recognition of her great talent and mousie skills.”
Yikes! Dog Molly the Mauler ate your catnip mousie? Can you take him back to the pound and trade him for some nice goldfish? They don’t like nip and they are tasty.
RC Cat: “Sigh. We fear something has befallen Our fuzzy grey mousie. An inquiry is about to begin. First it was that German gobbling Our favorite sweater-knit mousie of the silky tail – and now this. We shall consider the goldfish possibility…the large potato-style cat next door has told tales of an outdoor pond with such amusements…an indoor pond might be worth considering. In thanks for this lovely suggestion, We are sending a warm paw wave to warm your winter days.”
Sadly, Sage (who is not quite so regal and never ascended the throne, but eyes it always) suffered the same indignities thanks to Sam the Beagle and the Great Devourer of Mousies. Always the tail and ears first, then the fur and somewhere you’d find the husk laying on the floor and one triumphant Beagle not far behind. Sage has been despondent ever since and has taken to torturing the Beagle (they have long ridiculous ears and soft nosies)
RC Cat:”Oh, Sage, you have suffered so! We approve of retaliation for mousie destruction. If the inquiry uncovers any role played by the Molly in this, perhaps We shall contact you for advice and penalty recommendations. An encouraging paw wave is sent to you – brave thing that you are!”
Similar devastation occurs in my realm. Mousse the Magnificent’s mousies (and jingle balls, and feather toys) quickly consumed or otherwise destroyed by Annie the Devourer.
RC Cat: “My poor Mousse the Magnificent. To be faced with such horrors. Few understand how difficult Our lot in life can be – We seek to enlighten only to be treated shabbily. A soft cheek pat is sent in commiseration. Stay brave, chere!”
You certainly do have yourself a situation here. Someone is going to pay for this. I shudder to think what the punishment will be for such a lapse in decorum.
Staff of the Realm: “It is a delicate situation. We are treading with caution. APpreciate your quiet support while the RC is napping”
Hmmmm… is this the opening salvo in the Long-feared Dog Uprising!? First they come for our mousies, then for us!?
RC Cat: “Otis, uprising rumors are surfacing. We are attempting to bring calm to the Realm as We determinedly search for explanations. We greatly appreciate your concern and support.”
If it makes you feel any better, our dog, Chelsea is as nutty as a fruitcake sometimes!
I take solace in that by adopting this dog, we are protecting others. Oh, OK. She can be very sweet – even RC is pretty tolerant…which is how the mousie snatch took place…lull you into a false sense of security… Thanks for stopping by. I do appreciate it
Oh, dear. An investigation’s already underway? I hope calm heads and reason will prevail!
HRH Staff: “The RC seeks to calm all nervousness in the Realm by announcing a mandatory naps during the rainy weather. HRH feels well rested subjects are better prepared to face whatever unpleasantness is uncovered. Meanwhile she will continue to cross train to hone her skills and sharpen her instincts. (which will give staff time to get their stories straight). Thanks for the concern. Greatly appreciated.”
As long as the ruler of the realm doesn’t launch in inquisition and give the order ‘off with their heads’, I think Molly will be safe. Hope the remaining mousie stays safe!
HRH Staff: “We are a little concerned that the Molly feels that mousies are an exciting game now….we snatched a small nightime mousie just out of her reach early this morning. The Molly must realize he performance review is coming up shortly – and RC would take a dim view of frivolity with mousies without consent. We shall be alert to prevent unpleasantness in the Realm. We shall read your note to the Molly in order to show it is not just staff trying to be mean. Greatly appreciate your assistance and encouragement.”
That’s very funny…and sweet…
RC Cat: “We welcome you on your visit to the Realm. Once you have time to examine the Welcome Packet, We shall allow you to be presented to Us. What? You have no Welcome Packet? Staff! (Our apologies – sometimes they are such dunderheads. We fear We indulge them too much.) Staff! Where are the Welcome Packets? This is why there are blunders in protocol. We beg your indulgence while We seek out Staff. They are so difficult to train. We shall graciously award a quick leg brush – including a soft tail touch on the calf – in apology for their lapse. You understand this is a rare honor bestowed to you. We are so embarrassed. Staff!”
Those animals are always up to some mischief lol.
Staff: More chaos! More chaos! It’s the new year! Thanks for laughing along
Animals thrive on chaos, it seems.
Uh, oh.
All is not well with the mousies.
It MUST be a mystery. One can’t imagine anything else.
Can one?
Sir Sweetie bids RC Cat Good Mouseday! But He offers no advice. His mousies are legion; they stand protected by The Tissue Paper Mountains. And His realm is His, alone. He commiserates, however, and sends good tidings for great mouseage in the New Year.
RC Cat: “Sir Sweetie, We are so pleased receive your greetings. It must be so wonderful to live among The Tissue Paper Mountains. We have recently obtained a loft on the highest peak of Mount Towel Shelf. There is quiet a view from up there.It is soothing and helps Us ponder mousies. When questioned, staff offered a favorite mousie friend whom they said had been on vacation. It must be a great mousie resort as this one smells so breezy fresh. We inquired if favorite mousie has also gone on vacation retreat, but staff muttered something about visiting wetlands. We did not know this mousie was interested in the environment, but it would not surprise Us – We encourage all in the realm to search for enlightenment – as We are sure you do also. A regal paw wave, Sir Sweetie. And We are purring thanks
Mount Towel Shelf! What a joy that must be. And such solicitous staff!
Brilliant!
Me, too.
RC Cat: “Oh, delightful pixie, We send a cheery wave in greeting and hope for the new year.”
I wonder if a mousie full of catnip would get my novel finished faster. Hmmm…..
Staff: “Upon observing HRH we observe that it might be faster, but the finish might be a bit uneven? Oh, the Molly offers to “borrow” one for you if you like…see? She’s already selected one…I can see the tail hanging out of her mouth…really, must intercept. sorry for abrupt ending”
I’m game. I don’t mind a little pet saliva.