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September 29, 2012 / philosophermouseofthehedge

New occupant’s evaluation.

We, as RC, feel it is imperative that new arrivals receive feedback quickly.

Such information is comforting and reassuring to the pathetic creature worried about being tossed back to the streets petitioning individual.

It is Our wish all who wish to reside in peace and friendship shall be given an opportunity to demonstrate how they will contribute to the Realm.

We are so gullible kind-hearted that even those with irritating bad habits issues may be allowed to remain – at Our pleasure – if the charity case agrees to counseling and accepts Our improvement plan.

RC Cat.

We are the RC. Hair and obey.

So We offer this evaluation of candidate, Molly of Shepherd Canaan / Rottweiler / Belgian Malinois  Mix Heritage.

Our Realm shall not tolerate discrimination against mixed heritages.

(Ye who is without mix can show the first fang…but We shall break that off.)

We encourage all to value service and productivity over bloodlines which often produces totally brainless ditzes.

We are quite amazed at the range of abilities and skills offered by this applicant.

The Realm shall surly benefit if current staff will pay attention and learn.

Totally unexpected to find her so knowledgeable of landscape design and land management.

The candidate appears to be extremely self-motivated and self-directed.

Without even being asked, Molly has created multiple trails through the grass. We are thrilled Our distant visiting  relatives no longer are forced to wade through tall grass the staff is too lazy to cut getting their tummies wet. We wave paws to Molly for this fine work.

Showing a great deal of perception, Molly discerned Our wishes for more sunny windows.

She has begun excavation and removal of that suicidal always trying to die citrus tree that blocks the sun in the living room window.

We purred Our approval as Molly managed to get a quarter of the tree’s surrounding dirt removed! And with so much speed!

Unfortunately, it started to rain and the always slow to understand staff shoved dirt clods into the hole – probably to keep it from filling with water which would make final removal more difficult.

We have noted Molly has a strong sense of job completion and determination, so the final outcome of the project is assured.

Her persistence was revealed by her work with the underground sprinkler system. Staff has complained all summer that the system needed adjustment.

Eager to contribute, Molly sniffed out several sprinkler heads and began excavation in order to examine them. Not one to shirk dirty work!

Even willing to wade into the sprinkler’s showers and order the water to spray as she directs.

A little short on logic, perhaps, but an honest effort.

Sprinkler excavation

And with an eye towards the Realm’s safety, Molly has cleared a fire lane and border patrol lane across the entire northern border behind the bushes.

Her nightly rampages through said brushy lane inspires Us.

It is touching.

One so new takes it upon herself to create a security force….or is that to force security?

(We are not confused! Fool!)

Her actions have forced encouraged the neighbors to acnkowedge their dogs’ existence  monitor their dogs’ annoying continuous yapping for no reason. alerts.

We discussed with staff the possibility of Molly becoming the backline defense system, perhaps residing in a quaint outdoor château.

But the dolts they insist Molly wishes to live inside the Realm and not simply be frontier defense.

In truth, it would be a solitary existence as We could not allow staff to spend much companionship time outside, so perhaps it is for the best.

It would sadden Us to see Molly suffering the hardships of the Outdoor Realm in order to secure Our comfort and safety. Such scenes might lessen Our enjoyment of the sunny window views. But we might get over that guilt trip quickly.

While We have seen many positive qualities in this Molly applicant, We do have a few reservations.

We have noticed an increase in pet hair tumbleweeds since Molly’s arrival. This littering results in staff having to spend far too much time dust mopping the floors and less time adoring Us. We firmly request Molly submit willingly to brushings to reduce this mess. All those of the Realm recognize the importance of hair appointments.

Our staff is not to mistaken for combat training dummies. They may not be bright, but they do not deserve to be mauled during overly energetic exercise sessions. It is important to remember not to damage staff’s fingers and thumbs as those are necessary for Our food preparation. We are not amused by their recent bandages! We shall continue to do Our best to suppress rumors of Cujo moving in, but it is getting difficult, I warn you.

Also it has come to Our attention, Molly has mistakenly assumed We allow hunting in Our outdoor Realm. This must cease immediately. We are greatly distressed to see Our little lizards frantically fleeing gnashing teeth. Those are for Our amusement only. We love to entice them inside and pounce on them repeatedly exchange environmental concerns. Be advised all toads and frogs leap and croak for Our entertainment only! All creatures are Ours under Our paw protection. Cease all poaching immediately!

Lizard alert. Don’t worry, Molly, the lizard whisperer, will find it.

In an effort to provide constructive feedback and not to overwhelm, We shall simply focus on these specific concerns. Although there are other things to complain about: a dog has asked Us for asylum. Like We are going to make that easy…We shall maintain the upper paw!

Over all, We have been pleased by the candidate’s efforts:

Recognizing Our right to sleep on the bed.

Her willingness at night to run quickly into the giant cozy crate-bed where we can smugly stare at her all night from the bed.

 And her wisdom to freeze if by accident one of us comes around the corner and We are unexpectedly face to face.

But a word to the wise, Molly.

If you suddenly find your nose very close to Ours again, please recognize Our fierce hiss.

This means you are dismissed and are to rapidly retreat in the opposite direction.

We do not wish to overwhelm that mush of doggy brain so We shall address mousies and required tributes at a later time.

Our paw has waved.

Permission to withdraw.

Please notify Our inattentive staff We shall accept dinner service now.

Fini. Adieu.

And this one time We shall accept an IOU for one open can of food in the doorway as tribute.

Just this once, mind you.

I am RC Cat and I approve this message.

Related posts: Click sidebar tag “RC Cat”

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37 Comments

  1. CATachresis / Sep 29 2012 1:29 am

    We are glad the heavy editing of this piece has not detracted in any way from the writer getting over the salient points of the appraisal i.e. Mollie done good! We breathe a sigh of relief. RC Cat needs an appraisal of his appraisal. ;)

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Sep 30 2012 3:56 pm

      RC keep muttering about “facade”. Mollie is pretty happy…there was something about advice from the German…but I’m still trying to get to the bottom of that…Thanks for reviewing the situation!

      Like

  2. Madame Weebles / Sep 29 2012 2:56 am

    Poor Molly. It must not be easy to co-exist with the RC. RC Cat sees and knows all.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Sep 30 2012 4:02 pm

      An uneasy truce at this time. RC refuses to live on tall furniture. HRH says it’s pointless since she feels the dog is quite capable bouncing straight up in the air….able to leap ordinary fences….RC keeps muttering something about kryptonite.
      (And one of the staff adores the cat sniper pix…mentioned we should not let RC get a glimpse…”Fear of Weebles” gained an additional fan among staff this weekend.)
      Thanks for checking out the progress

      Like

  3. PiedType / Sep 29 2012 3:30 am

    Methinks Molly looks a wee bit guilty …

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Sep 30 2012 4:04 pm

      Hole? What hole? I was just moving the new mulch over to see if the hole had expanded unobserved….
      Thanks for digging around…Molly counts you as a hole enthusiast.

      Like

  4. roughseasinthemed / Sep 29 2012 3:43 am

    LOL! Pippa says go Molly. Silly old RC cat anyway. Get in there Molly while you can, or before you know it you will be under that paw.

    Top tip, get them on the top of the neck. Just saying/barking that one. Helpfully.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Sep 30 2012 4:09 pm

      Molly: “(snort, snort) The German says it’s never a good idea to show your hand when playing. It’s all a plot (rolling wildly with feet in the air). This morning on the way out, I paws up to the bed and stuck my nose right between sleeping cat’s ears! (chortle) It was great, Pippa! Wake-up call kitty. Thanks for the encouragement…just a catching on and need all the help I can get.”

      Like

  5. Ally Bean / Sep 29 2012 8:52 am

    Good to know that Molly is doing her best to stay in RC cat’s good graces. Smart doggy. She knows who butters her biscuits [figuratively speaking] & permits her to remain in the realm.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Sep 30 2012 4:12 pm

      Molly’s willing to paws and let paws right now….HRH is glaring and says she is not in the least confident “all the fleas are on the table”….whatever that means…RC just waves her paw and refuses to discuss it. No doubt more unraveling…
      Molly senda a tail wag for the encouragement.

      Like

  6. katecrimmins / Sep 29 2012 12:23 pm

    Hmmmm….RC looks pretty exhausted from ruling the realm. There must be a nap coming up soon!

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Sep 30 2012 4:13 pm

      RC is finding it difficult to keep an eye on Molly 24-7. Cat nap when you can! Thanks for pawsing to chat

      Like

  7. gingerfightback / Sep 29 2012 2:20 pm

    The dog don’t look too happy!

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Sep 30 2012 4:16 pm

      The dog gets very upset when we fill in her carefully dug holes…and now there mulch, too. Sigh. More to move when excavations resume…
      Molly thanks you for notifying staff that she is displeased.

      Like

  8. shoreacres / Sep 29 2012 3:44 pm

    That photo of Molly is precious. When I was in Liberia I had my one and only dog – it was probably a Basenji/whatever mix, but the coloring was much the same – especially the black face and tan “eyebrows”. His name was CK, but the Liberian kids called him “That dog, him who have four eyes”. ;)

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Sep 30 2012 4:22 pm

      It’s hard to get good pix of Molly as she very busy and quick….or crashed out asleep. I love the name those kids gave your dog…kids nail it pretty solid. Need to hear those stories.
      A couple of festival balloons went over Friday (me with no camera/phone…and running dog). Missed the pix, but didn’t get tripped by dog…
      Thanks for running by

      Like

  9. Homestead Ramblings / Sep 30 2012 10:00 am

    Oh, Molly Molly, Molly, silly girl, good thing we love you. :)

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Sep 30 2012 4:24 pm

      It’s always the same…a pretty face can get away with rolling in the dirt. Thanks for evaluating the progress here

      Like

  10. jmmcdowell / Sep 30 2012 5:42 pm

    Maybe Mollie wants to be an archaeologist? She might discover some rare treat that RC can bat around or that staff could use as decoration or creative ideas…. ;)

    Like

    • jmmcdowell / Sep 30 2012 5:42 pm

      oops. *Molly*!

      Like

      • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 1 2012 2:54 pm

        Mollie or Molly (or Maulie as in maul…) those teenagers – just have to keep redoing their names…it’s hard for us to keep it straight

        Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 1 2012 2:52 pm

      We know Molly is smart..we just didn’t know she had chosen a career already. Perhaps she’ll find some rare sea fossil…and give it up…prying roadkill out of her mouth has let us know the degree of jaw force she can muster. Thanks for digging out that explanation

      Like

  11. jannatwrites / Oct 1 2012 4:54 am

    I always get a chuckle from RC’s posts. I’m glad Molly has enough redeeming qualities to keep her in RC’s good graces :) I hope she learns the laws of the realm (especially to respect the hiss) so they might have a peaceful relationship.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 1 2012 3:12 pm

      RC Cat: “We have hopes that the newest candidate will continue her quest in good faith. Respect for differences is all that is necessary in polite societies. We are gratefully accept your encouragement. We shall point to you as an example for staff. Our paw is waving…kindly.”

      Like

  12. jmlindy422 / Oct 1 2012 2:00 pm

    Love the image of RC gloating over Molly being crated. The very same thing happens in our house between our cat, Oliver, and our dog, Pogo.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 1 2012 3:47 pm

      RC Cat: “Yes, and We reserve the right to walk right past with Our glorious out-of-reach fluffy tail, also. Such cativities assist the new arrival in learning the order of things. We shall send one soft purr to Oliver who obviously has thing well underpaw in his realm. We graciously allow you to withdraw now.”

      Like

  13. The Hook / Oct 2 2012 4:39 pm

    My daughter is going to love those shots!

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 2 2012 5:15 pm

      Hope her newest FB page going well! (Oh, readers, if you don’t get that, please go to Hook’s blog and he’ll explain…it’s a storybook effort…)
      Thanks for pawsing to chat

      Like

  14. EllaDee / Oct 5 2012 4:03 am

    RC, you are looking quite relaxed, I’m happy to see. Happy to hear also Molly is settling in and doing her doggie thing so well. Lovely of you to share what she’s been up to. Don’t take this the wrong way but having her around seems to have soften the edges. When you see Molly, please let her know she has a little smudge of dirt on her nose. Girls like to know such things :)

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Oct 5 2012 2:31 pm

      RC Cat: “It has occurred to Us that this Molly may be of some use. With so many duties, We have little time to sit guard at the front window and show fang. Also that is so undignified. We gladly delegate this chore. It has also occurred to Us that this one is about half the size of the German – and younger (We must remind staff to provide lessons in appropriate grooming. Thank you for pointing that out.) We have decided to provide opportunities for Molly to demonstrate her willingness to live in harmony within the realm. We shall allow her to sleep in the same room as us…in a box – below us, of course. There is an order of things. We are appreciative of your insightful and helpful words. We are waving Our paw with great affection in thanks.”

      Like

Trackbacks

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