Purrloined correspondence of pawsible interest
furry creature with a superiority delusion HRH RC Cat,
There. I got that right, see?
Please note my wagging the tail of
plotting and scheming friendship and kindness.
Greetings to you
who waves claw without any reason.
Just wanted to let you know I have settled in quite happily here. It is definitely an upgrade with multiple sunny windows
so snort to you, sun hog.
Continuing in the spirit of reaching across the childgate in peace, I am imploring your assistance with tips on how to get along with your distant elderly relative, Granny.
She seems hostile and frequently annoyed
and is making that scary cougar face at me.
I cannot fathom why.
Granny has claimed a mini-fiefdom in the roomy bathroom.
Which is so unfair as I cannot rummage through the bathroom garbage unobserved now. Being amenable to her wishes, Person has place all Granny’s stuff in there: bed, litter box, entertainment items, and food bowl. I have been told not to trespass.
Obviously that silly directive must be ignored.
How else could I sample Granny’s food to make sure it isn’t tainted? You can’t be too sure these days, so I sample multiple times a day.
I have even mastered unlatching the door which for some odd reason is
slammed in my face closed frequently.
I’ve heard it said that the elderly get depressed from isolation and hope my efforts prevent Granny from
getting too comfortable and sleeping in peace experiencing that.
I offered to assist Granny by
digging up and scarfing monitoring contents of her litter box – as soon as I can puzzle off that snail-like dome.
But she rudely snarled as I attempted to demonstrate.
Perhaps I should have waited until she exited the facility?
But I was concerned as she had been in there for some time.
Determined to congenially share our abode, I attempted once again to win Granny over.
Well, actually she rolled over and out – of her cuddly bed during the effort.
Thinking an invitation to visit my very favorite spot would delight her, I
jerked up her bed and ran wildly around the living room tossing it in the air gently tugged her bed into the living room and placed it with great deference in front of the TV.
Once noticing she had declined the transport assist, I quietly approached her
huddled form on the bathmat. I mentioned Animal Planet was on and there was front row seat reserved for her.
It occurred to me that she might also want a toy to amuse her – during the commercials only – as I knew she would be
infuriated enchanted by the program. So I selected a soft item which she seemed to favor and raced into the living room.
Unfortunately, that item became a little soggy and mushy.
Seeing it in that condition would only upset her.
to gobble that down to considerately hide the evidence disturbing situation.
To save her nerves.
Promising myself to be more cautious, I returned to the bathroom
With no provocation, Granny launched herself at my face like a mutant squid: spitting and puncturing.
Person interceded fortunately.
I retreated to the living room after being
shrilly yelled at for no reason commended for my thoughtfulness.
My elevated seating choice of the couch done out of consideration in case Granny felt more sociable and decided to take that front row seat on the floor.
Sadly, she declined. She never even got the chance to realize I had chosen a special selection for her viewing pleasure: “The Cat from Hell.”
So I am seeking your advice.
because only another annoying cat can figure this one out
I fondly think of all the happy times we shared during
that territorial campaign my stay.
Thank you for your time and assistance in this matter.
Paws for peace,
PS. Before shredding this note, please realize I have discovered multiple
blackmail quality incriminating photos elegant portraits of your grouchiness your Highness stealing, confiscating, reserving for herself harboring Granny’s missing stash of mousies. I find it very odd that said mousies did not make the last trip. Interpret that as you wish. Wet Nose bump in I’ve got the upper paw with this friendship.
Just purr to perplexity.
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