Realm secured. Tours cancelled.
This is a public announcement. An assurance to Our subjects that the realm is quite safe
After the recent German invasion, necessary changes have been made to maintain peace and serenity.
We, as your RC Cat, take our duties seriously.
The rumor is true that a certain German intruder breached the border door which had been softy closed. Not securely shut. A big bump with a nose is all it took.
We took decisive action.
No thought to Our own safety. Flung Our Royal Self at the intruder from across the room.
Petite in size. Giant in courage. Fierce in determination.
A threat to the Realm mobilized Our Inner Ninja Cat.
Our surprise assault baffled and confused the German who rapidly sought retreat, but being unfamiliar with the surroundings fled into a box canyon of Our office. There the lout was backed into subservient sitting position in the corner. We had the advantage and proceeded to surge forward spitting and howling Our displeasure.
A tornado of fury.
The German cranked her head and contemplated crawling over the border fence, as Our royal ninja windmilling hammered her haunches.
Shocked the German cowered before Our mighty onslaught. (Mentally shrieking for assistance, We are sure.)
One of the Border Mediation Guardians appeared and leaped between us.
But We were not inclined to be neutralized.
It was obvious that the German must retrace her steps through Our royal rooms in order to escape the way she entered.
But We were determined she pay – and be given reason to remember this day. We continued darting and reaching past the Guardian with knife sharp precision.
Rudely the Guardian attempted to shove Our Royalness backwards with their right foot. Easily avoided.
The German, still contemplating an escape over the border gate, refused to move forward. Nails scrambling over the wooden floor in wild percussion.
The Guardian continued to shove us with awkward foot movements – all the time urging the German forward.
Forward towards our wild flying paws.
Yes, bring it on!
Seeing Our unabated anger and the accuracy of Our strikes, the German frantically fought against the Guardian’s hold on her collar.
She fought against being dragged deeper into our territory – closer – ever closer to Our righteous wrath.
Too foolish to realize – there was no other way out.
Obviously the German recognized Our rage and Our Mighty Mite-ness.
Victory was in our paws!
By Our fur, it was total humiliation of our foe!
We fought on to deeply ingrain this memory in the German’s brain.
Striking between legs and around shins.
The defeated intruder was dragged and shoved across the border threshold into the agreed upon neutral hall territory.
The final image of the realm viewed by the German was Our Royal Self: firmly planted, larger than large, with avenging warrior eyes.
There was no question to the meaning of Our powerful utterances (which, in hind leg sight, may have been a bit rough in tone, but the situation demanded all niceties but put aside.)
Remember it, German. Remember!
Head and tail down. Looking tiny. Fleeing down the hall.
You have been whipped.
This glorious day shall not be forgotten!
The territory mediations had been clear.
- There would be no venturing onto Our domain.
- Wistful looks across the side border gate, are tolerated at Our whim.
- And We shall retain the right for spontaneous inspections all areas for typical dog damage and odd smells if and when it so amuses Us.
Today We underscored Our dominance.
The Border Mediation Guardians have profusely apologized and pledged more care with door closings.
Tours, scheduled or secret, will not be tolerated.
As We have explained to Our subjects, even short visits are unwise. First, it would be as a tourist, to sniff around. The next thing you know the German would be demanding Our blanket to sleep upon. The German would take food out of Our bowls! And the realm would have to deal with German hair removal – a needless cost. No, tourism only yields problems.
We are determined to nip this hound in the butt.
Doggone: A storybook ending.
So once again, We wish to assure all they may rest easily.
We suggest Our subjects practice the realm’s soothing motto:
“Purr in controlled perfection”
Your RC Cat: always vigilant.
We shall now graciously receive gifts brought by the media representatives.
Why are you hesitating? We wish to be accepting of your adoration.
Mousies are customary. Place them here.
What is this? Curious. It appears to be a shoe lace.
A new whimsy? Oh, it – it is intriguing. We shall keep it here by Us.
Oh, it appears to be wrapped around – Oh, how amusing!
Our paw has waved. Leave us.
Do not be so ill-advised to interview that German on this matter.
We would not be amused.
You now have Our permission to withdraw.
Fini. Adieu.
And don’t forget to leave an open can of food in the doorway as tribute.
I am RC Cat and I approve this message.
Related posts about “The Border Wars”(Click sidebar tag RC Cat)
“A Mouse Divided” (A trial run with RC Cat and the German in the house)
“Occupy Protests Spreading: No! No! No! (RC Cat muses over a German occupation visit.)
“Caution: Mouse Held Hostage” (RC vows revenge for missing mousie)
“Your Audience Granted (Quickly, Now)” (An audience with HRH.)
(Available for interviews)
Boundaries are to be respected. After all, good fences make good neighbors. Hopefully the lesson has been learned. Please accept this virtual offering of mousies as thanks for sharing your royal defense of territory.
RC Cat: “We approve of your wise words. The Border door must remain tightly shut as agreed during negotiations. We are a peaceful realm, but shall resolutely defend against invasions. Ooooo, virtual mousies! We are please to accept and are purring with delight. We adore the potential of technology! With graciousness we also extend a paw for a soft cheek pat in thanks.”
All hail the most wise, benevolent and I might add fairest of the realm. We kneel in supplication and ask that you accept these mousies and greenies while we safely retreat respectfully down the hall. Long live RC Cat!
RC Cat: “We are quite appreciative of your adoration. Such lovely gifts We graciously accept. We award you with one soft paw pat in thanks”
It’s all about attitude and I like your cat’s attitude!
She is a force to be reckoned with…and not happy about sharing her domain. Glad you stopped to chat
Poor German
please extend my condolences.
The German here: (Big woof and waggle tail). As a shepherd, I am big in size and heart and while confused at RC’s refusal to play nice, I forgive her. Her Majesty must realize I will chase if she ventures out into this side of the border. I have noted RC doesn’t have claws.(But she is really really scary looking when mad). Slobbery kiss in thanks.
All hail RC Cat! … (said while bowing as low as possible and backing out of the room so as not to turn my back to Her Highness)
RC Cat: “What another intrud- oh, We beg your pardon. We are a bit jumpy after the last assault on our realm. You our loyal subject are graciously welcomed to attend us. Perhaps you could check to make certain that door is shut tightly. You have Our thanks and appreciation for your devotion.”
Nice tiara! Felis Catus RulerUs : )
RC Cat: “The duties of the realm are a heavy burden. The tiara is a nice perk though. We must have similar tastes in classy shiny trinkets – delightful! We award you one soft paw pat for your good taste.”
Haroooo!! We’re on the side of poor old German. Silly RC cat. Germans just want a quiet life anyway. Cats need to be taken down a peg or two, so there. (er I think Pippa wrote that one)
The German: (bouncing)” Pippa, it was an exhilarating foray! Have learned not to turn right once inside – too easy to get trapped. Although I did not choose to wet down that pudgy furball this time with hot dog slobber, I did shed some hair on the floor and left it behind – which will drive the cat insane…she will manically bat it and wrinkle her nose at the memory. There is more than one way to skin a cat – and I’m working on it, never fear….well not really skin one, but seriously disturbing the peace of that kingdom is in order…and I have a plan…(more bouncing) Big nose poke and shoulder shove to ya’ Pippa! Thanks for the encouragement.”
When he comes to the Germans we musn’t mention the war! Defeated then, defeated now. Rock on!
RC Cat: “Austin, chere, revenge is sweet! Ever vigilant! Purr in perfection! We appreciate support from your realm. Victorious paw wave to you.”
Rock on RC, Mollie here! Mom tells stories of one of her long gone cats chasing a greyhound who dared into our yard, down the street as if the devil himself were after him. Poor thing was terrified of her and never came back. Cats rule! (dogs drool!)
RC Cat: “Molly, We are so appreciative of your encouragement and support. Only other Royals fully understand the significance of this incident. Purr on!”
RC Cat and The German’s border adventures continue to provide us all with life lessons. I am sure even in their more combative moments, they at some level feel a mutual respect for each other considering their shared continent.
Despite their differences, they do unit in common interests – like outsiders intruding into the domains. RC has quietly thanked the German for the early warning system of outside border breaches. Before she had to rely only on the ding-dong warning sound – and it wasn’t always reliable. The German has also limited infiltration by other cats in the grassy domains who may be seeking a permanent abode (Growls through double pane windows was not always effective in this) RC and the German both happily agree there are no vacancies at this time.
There is hope they will discover they have more in common.
Thanks for the astute observation.
Dear German, all court jesters must first be approved before seeking an audience with Her Grace. You humble supplications are not appreciated without gifts. We defer to RC’s royal pronouncements and beg you to seek The Queen’s pardon with these proferred mousies.
The German: “Court jester? Maybe that’s the confusion and rage….should I have worn a black robe and a wig? Maybe a Carrot Top wig would illustrate my humorous abilities and endear me to RC’s heart.I shall rummage through the sunny room’s closet for appropriate attire …and may perhaps locate a lost mousie that has been shoved under the door and forgotten. How could RC possibly turn away from a lost mousie found? Thanks for the suggestions!”
Was there any doubt that the one with the inner cat ninja sets the rules and the boundaries?
RC Cat is much more proactive in performing her duties….the German gets tired and falls asleep – or is easily distracted by tennis balls. Thanks for that nice observation
“Victory was in our paws!”
Perhaps the title of RC Cat’s memoirs? I’m certain that there will be a demand for said– as RC Cat is the mightiest ninja cat ever.
What a wonderful story. Love it.
RC Cat:”Our heart is warmed by your praise. And perhaps it is time to record my wisdom and experiences for the betterment of others. We happily award you with a soft paw pat and one head butt for this suggestion. Enjoy. You may relay Our approval of you to your family.”
I am honored that you approve of my humble suggestion. My aim, as always, is to be of service to you, my furry liege.
RC Cat, “We are honored by your attention. Perhaps We shall arrange for tea together – in the future – not today as We are busy rearranging Our royal mousie cabinet. Loyal subjects should be rewarded. We shall write a memo to Our staff.”
I am bringing two v. mousies for sharing such an amusing story. (And behind the border door, quietly and surreptitiously tossing a large v. bone to the German. )
RC Cat, “Your lovely mousies are graciously received. One shall batted around now – with one being saved for a treat later. And We applaud your kindness toward the poor German who has the misfortune to be a dog. We are determined to be a guide towards enlightenment for the creature. We applaud your consideration and award a Royal Paw Wave.”
Hello, just stopping by to let you know I have passed the Kreativ Blogger Award on to you. Really enjoy your posts!!
WOW! I’m so humbled by your kind words and this award. I will be over to read – and promise to get an award post completed! Thanks
RC Cat you are indeed a
force to be reckoned with, but my heart cannot help but bleed for the German… hang in there doggy… I salute you!
The German here: “It’s so confusing. I just want a friend…and it looked so interesting in there. Big wet doggy kiss for your understanding.”
We are flashmobbing Hotspur today. I thought you might be interested in helping. For more details: http://wp.me/p2pR2U-1n3
Thanks for the heads-up…getting out my pitchfork and torches now to join the mob.
awesome. Thanks, it should be fun.
*mails the German asking for an interview*
Will ask her after her nap. The incident has left her exhausted. Thanks
Will peace ever reign between the Germans and the felines? Mine can’t seem to get along either. Any tips for peace treaties?
And all those videos about cats and dogs getting along and doing cute things together! Where am I going wrong? Right now we are relying on separate territories. RC has haughtily vetoed the suggestion that she should seek higher ground….says that would be undignified. Thanks for sympathizing
Happy Saturday! I just nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger Award:) Here is my link:
http://hotrodcowgirl.com/2012/06/02/the-sunshine-blog-award-wowzer/
You really brought some sunshine! Thanks for the award. I’m honored to be nominated! (Will be over shortly)
Congrats Congrats:) You are very deserving of this award:)
I feel bad for the German.
But I’m a dog lover and can’t imagine him not having complete run of the house. Plus I like his spirit.
The German here: (Bouncing)”I have so much spirit I could be a cheerleader. Thanks you for saying that – maybe it will impress RC. At least RC could let me audition. She tends to be a bit stuffy – maybe a cheerleader could raise her popularity? I am trotting off to see if I can sell her on the idea. Thanks for howling in support.”
I’m impressed by RC Cat’s Ninja-ness (it’s amazing how much fury can be contained in such a little package – a fierce kitty owns me, as well
) I can’t help but feel bad for the German, though. The big dogs can be so misunderstood – they want to be friendly but everyone else fears their size.
I that means I’m Switzerland in this war!
Kitties insist their rules be followed. If only the German would drop down and crawl in her her tummy – appearing respectful and docile. The German has assured everyone that stepping on RC’s tail that time was a complete accident. (Neutrality is wise) Thanks for adding to the conversation
Oh Dog! Poor German! Are you alright? We should form a support group for victims of kitty violence!
The German here: “Rumpy, you know how hard it is to maintain composure when stuff like this happens. I was just going to look around…and look at the food in that little dish. So misunderstood. But I have a plan that will unsettle that cat. (Bouncing in anticipation) Thanks for the concern, Rumpy.Nose bump to ya’
Could I be mischievous here and start a rumour? “The real enemy can always be met and conquered, or won over. Real antagonism is based on love, a love which has not recognized itself.” Henry Miller… ooohhh, like a good romance novel
Hmmm, maybe it’s like Queen Elizabeth I and Mary Queen of Scots…sisters in royalty. (But that didn’t end well with the Tower and all) But we have hope. Thanks for recognizing a deeper plot!
German, I know you were just trying to be nice to that cat – but I think you ought to go in and give RC what for. I’d be glad to help.
The German here: ” Hey Bongo. Cat should inhabit the tall objects of the house and I get all the ground level areas. That’s my negotiation stance. I was just scoping out the territory to disprove RC’s insistence that there are no places high enough. I have no interest in leaping and lunging – or getting cat fur between my teeth. OK, a wet dog nose pressed on kitty back is appealing. (They hate that so!)
Meanwhile – as negotiations continue I am using subtle psychological attacks: pushing suitcases out in the open where RC can see them and sitting by them. Suitcases strike fear into RC’s heart. I grin a lot while positioned by the suitcases.
More than one way to disturb a cat…although I must admit RC is already pretty disturbed, obviously. Thanks for the offer of support.”
Good to hear your cat can dish it out when needed! Our dog passed away a little over a year ago. She was very aggressive toward the cats and we had to keep everyone separated. When we get another dog, it will be a young one who can learn to fear the feline “ninja” squad right away!
Oddly enough what she lacks in claws, she makes up in confidence. I think if the cat is secure and the dog starts out little and young, maybe they will get along. The German lived with a cat, but all RC can see is a HUGE intruder and goes into defense mode. RC is definitely the aggressor most of the incidents. Negotiations continue….thanks for stopping in
I’ll say it again… You have one of the most imaginative, original, most brilliant blogs on WordPress, my friend!
Glad you got a chuckle. Thanks for bravely sneaking in to chat
Hail, RC Cat! I leave you a mousie in tribute.
RC Cat here: “We are greatly appreciative of your kindness and consideration. We shall award you one paw wave as thanks.”
Queen Mama: “Really, RC, I strongly advise you learn the value of higher ground. It is so easy to observe all corners of the empire from on high! (Unless, of course, you are not a jumper? Then carry on, as you are). But it does make for another awesome tool in the arsenal!”
BuddhaKat: “I second The Hook’s honorable comment!”
janet: “Border Guardians – you are brave and motley keepers of peace! Always remember how important your duties are!! (Might be a good idea to keep better watch on full closure of doors and gates).”
all of us really enjoyed this post – so well written, it was like being there!!!
Hugs to all! We border guards were lulled into a false sense of security as there had been successful trial runs with doors open and all parties seated in their respective domains observing one another (mediators firmly in the middle). Also the German had been cheerfully stopping at the invisible line on the floor when the door was briefly opened for deliveries into RC’s realm. But is was a ruse. The German suddenly decided it was approved for her wander in. Mistake.
RC feels it is undignified to leap wildly. Indoor jumping events have held little interest for her. A table top is about as high as she is inclined to jump. Slow and stately is so much more royal?
RC send approving paw waves to all.
Ah, poor puppy, those cats out to get her.
The German swears she was only looking around…not attempting to steal mousies to munch! Thanks for pawsing to visit
She’s innocent, I’m certain. LOL