Realm secured. Tours cancelled.
This is a public announcement. An assurance to Our subjects that the realm is quite safe
After the recent German invasion, necessary changes have been made to maintain peace and serenity.
We, as your RC Cat, take our duties seriously.
The rumor is true that a certain German intruder breached the border door which had been softy closed. Not securely shut. A big bump with a nose is all it took.
We took decisive action.
No thought to Our own safety. Flung Our Royal Self at the intruder from across the room.
Petite in size. Giant in courage. Fierce in determination.
A threat to the Realm mobilized Our Inner Ninja Cat.
Our surprise assault baffled and confused the German who rapidly sought retreat, but being unfamiliar with the surroundings fled into a box canyon of Our office. There the lout was backed into subservient sitting position in the corner. We had the advantage and proceeded to surge forward spitting and howling Our displeasure.
A tornado of fury.
The German cranked her head and contemplated crawling over the border fence, as Our royal ninja windmilling hammered her haunches.
Shocked the German cowered before Our mighty onslaught. (Mentally shrieking for assistance, We are sure.)
One of the Border Mediation Guardians appeared and leaped between us.
But We were not inclined to be neutralized.
It was obvious that the German must retrace her steps through Our royal rooms in order to escape the way she entered.
But We were determined she pay – and be given reason to remember this day. We continued darting and reaching past the Guardian with knife sharp precision.
Rudely the Guardian attempted to shove Our Royalness backwards with their right foot. Easily avoided.
The German, still contemplating an escape over the border gate, refused to move forward. Nails scrambling over the wooden floor in wild percussion.
The Guardian continued to shove us with awkward foot movements – all the time urging the German forward.
Forward towards our wild flying paws.
Yes, bring it on!
Seeing Our unabated anger and the accuracy of Our strikes, the German frantically fought against the Guardian’s hold on her collar.
She fought against being dragged deeper into our territory – closer – ever closer to Our righteous wrath.
Too foolish to realize – there was no other way out.
Obviously the German recognized Our rage and Our Mighty Mite-ness.
Victory was in our paws!
By Our fur, it was total humiliation of our foe!
We fought on to deeply ingrain this memory in the German’s brain.
Striking between legs and around shins.
The defeated intruder was dragged and shoved across the border threshold into the agreed upon neutral hall territory.
The final image of the realm viewed by the German was Our Royal Self: firmly planted, larger than large, with avenging warrior eyes.
There was no question to the meaning of Our powerful utterances (which, in hind leg sight, may have been a bit rough in tone, but the situation demanded all niceties but put aside.)
Remember it, German. Remember!
Head and tail down. Looking tiny. Fleeing down the hall.
You have been whipped.
This glorious day shall not be forgotten!
The territory mediations had been clear.
- There would be no venturing onto Our domain.
- Wistful looks across the side border gate, are tolerated at Our whim.
- And We shall retain the right for spontaneous inspections all areas for typical dog damage and odd smells if and when it so amuses Us.
Today We underscored Our dominance.
The Border Mediation Guardians have profusely apologized and pledged more care with door closings.
Tours, scheduled or secret, will not be tolerated.
As We have explained to Our subjects, even short visits are unwise. First, it would be as a tourist, to sniff around. The next thing you know the German would be demanding Our blanket to sleep upon. The German would take food out of Our bowls! And the realm would have to deal with German hair removal – a needless cost. No, tourism only yields problems.
We are determined to nip this hound in the butt.
Doggone: A storybook ending.
So once again, We wish to assure all they may rest easily.
We suggest Our subjects practice the realm’s soothing motto:
“Purr in controlled perfection”
Your RC Cat: always vigilant.
We shall now graciously receive gifts brought by the media representatives.
Why are you hesitating? We wish to be accepting of your adoration.
Mousies are customary. Place them here.
What is this? Curious. It appears to be a shoe lace.
A new whimsy? Oh, it – it is intriguing. We shall keep it here by Us.
Oh, it appears to be wrapped around – Oh, how amusing!
Our paw has waved. Leave us.
Do not be so ill-advised to interview that German on this matter.
We would not be amused.
You now have Our permission to withdraw.
And don’t forget to leave an open can of food in the doorway as tribute.
I am RC Cat and I approve this message.
Related posts about “The Border Wars”(Click sidebar tag RC Cat)
“A Mouse Divided” (A trial run with RC Cat and the German in the house)
“Occupy Protests Spreading: No! No! No! (RC Cat muses over a German
“Caution: Mouse Held Hostage” (RC vows revenge for missing mousie)
“Your Audience Granted (Quickly, Now)” (An audience with HRH.)