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April 12, 2012 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Just the pits: one sort or another

Of course they should be banned. Pits are dangerous. One must consider children who do not listen or do not recognize the dangers.

We, as RC Cat of the realm, are appalled at the ignorance concerning pits. We expected better. But then again it fall to Us to guide lesser creatures.

Sigh. Walk with Us and take notes.

NO! Take notes – not take note-worthy objects such as Our royal mousies. You are with Our media detail. Hush! The paw has waved. You are to listen and relay Our message to Our loyal subjects. It doesn’t matter what your job title is. Do not interrupt us. Have you no manners? Now, where were We? Oh, follow along now.

Pits are just everywhere – sometimes hidden from view – but so hazardous – even to grown men. Some foolish people actually want them and go out of their way to locate them or even make them. Maybe some pits are necessary for work situations, but the danger is always present.

People just must be aware of pits and avoid them.

Children must not be allowed near them.

The walls could crumble and the child could be buried alive.

Even an adult who has the misfortune to fall into a pit may not survive. Even if a rescue effort is immediately mounted to prevent suffocation, the crush syndrome factor cannot be underestimated in a pit disaster.

Even Our esteemed distant relatives are at risk of death if they tumble into a pit. Starving to death. Unable to escape! A thought too sad to think!

Thus, We feel it necessary to create a public service announcement to raise awareness of pits.

What? You say this pits issue is simply an unreasonable concern about dogs?

Dogs?

Well, thank goodness.

We were concerned that Our subjects were so dim.

Now we may get this off Our desk and simply delegate it to one more in tune with this types of pits.

Not Our concern.

(Thus is the pitfall of a messy desk.)

Staff must be reprimanded. While We do not wish to pit Our house staff against Our business staff, care must be taken in order for items to receive appropriate responses.

Now We shall just slide this memo under the door here. And a quick swipe of the claw to sleeping German Shepherd rump.

You! German. Pits are your tribe, so handle this.

(Another sharp swipe is needed as motivation, We feel.)

Aggressive breeds, my tail!

The only thing this hair-shedder guards and secures is that spot on the floor.

German, We believe this concerns irresponsible owners – not of the entire clan of Pit dogs.

Humans are so quick to jump to conclusions and over generalize. It must be their breeding.

We sympathize with your tribe’s suffering of human misconceptions.

It is Our burden to bear.

No, Foolish Canine! There was nothing said about humans bear-baiting in pits!

Simply respond to the memo if you wish to improve the life of your distant relatives, the Pits.

And We warn you: stick that nose under the door again and you’ll put back a pitted nostril!

Do not whine your life is so pitiful! We are not impressed.

We have spoken.

You, Media Person, We are walking now. Do not dawdle.

‘Tis advisable not to linger too long by the territorial border door.

We have found with the arrival of spring’s warm weather that  the German is somewhat odorous.

It is interesting to note that cats may have long hair and hairy arm pits, cats do not smell foul.

We feel that is obvious proof that dogs are related to humans.

They say dogs and their masters begin to look-alike,  n’cest-ce pas? One of life’s eternal mysteries.

So We have returned to Our chamber.

For your clarification of this task, We award a soft paw to the cheek.

Just one.

Now, back off.

You are dismissed.

You have Our permission to withdraw.

Our paw has waved.

Fini.

And don’t forget to leave the tribute of an open can of food in the doorway.

Adieu.

I am RC Cat and I approve this message.

Related posts: (“Biting remarks” about aggressive breeds with bad owners or read HRH’s narratives under the sidebar tag “RC Cat” )



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27 Comments

  1. Kourtney Heintz / Apr 13 2012 12:09 am

    Indeed falling into pits is dreadful. But in this day and age, they should be properly deodorized. That’s just common courtesy.:P

    Like

  2. MJ, Nonstepmom / Apr 13 2012 12:59 am

    My Pit, Lula, will sleep well tonight (in that comfy spot on the floor she guards) knowing she has the German on her side. Many, many thanks !

    Like

  3. writingfeemail / Apr 13 2012 2:25 am

    Paws-itively perfectly said. And love the shot of your snoozing German. My mother always advised ‘let sleeping dogs lie’. I don’t think this is what she meant, but it made me think of it.

    Like

  4. Sunshine / Apr 13 2012 3:55 am

    I want Germans life there . . . relaxing in the sun! :)

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 13 2012 1:41 pm

      Looks idyllic…birds singing, snoozing and baking…but the high temps are going to mandate a dog bath shortly!Thanks for bouncing by to visit

      Like

  5. CATachresis / Apr 13 2012 8:28 am

    Hmmm! According the Brits, Pits are the pits, so they are banned! I thought every fool knew that there was no such thing as a bad dog, just bad owners! I read an article the other day in one of our national newspapers about certain dog breeds being used as a thugs weapon of choice. Heart fails!

    Like

  6. Cat Forsley / Apr 13 2012 12:25 pm

    YOU CRAFT WORDS TOGETHER LIKE MAGIC ……….:)
    ALL I GOTTA SAY :)
    WOOF ! AND MEOW ! :) CAT :) :) :)

    Like

  7. Jeannie / Apr 13 2012 3:10 pm

    Holy Pits! Throw all the bad owners into one and put the German on guard duty.(after his sun bath of course) His ripened wafting odor will work as well as any fence ;)

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 13 2012 3:28 pm

      Ah, excellent plan! It’s obvious you have been near a dog who has been sun baking. (But it’s would be too hard to deny the German the preferred dog spa treatment.) Thanks for plodding past today to chat

      Like

  8. katecrimmins / Apr 13 2012 6:38 pm

    I worked at a place where the owner brought her odorous German in every day. The doggy odor I could stand but the poor thing had the worst gas I have ever smelled in my life. Of course, he loved to lay next to me! RC would never tolerate!

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 13 2012 7:49 pm

      The German is on a very strict diet that we don’t dare alter for that reason. (Dogs always pick the nicest people to sit next by – guess that’s why you were the lucky one! Guess you made him feel so relaxed…) Thanks for running by today

      Like

      • katecrimmins / Apr 13 2012 8:01 pm

        Animals love me. Even nasty ones who bite other people will cuddle up. Maybe I smell too.

        Like

  9. Ally Bean / Apr 13 2012 10:17 pm

    Ditto what writingfeemail thought. Popped into my head, too. Of course, in this case it’d be: “let [smelly] sleeping dog lie [way far away from me].” :-)

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 13 2012 10:40 pm

      The German is all for letting sleeping dogs lie. (and is getting really annoyed that RC sneaks up at night and whacks her.) Which reminds me, time to wash the dog bed. Appreciate you dogtrotting by to chat today

      Like

  10. mindwarpfx / Apr 14 2012 3:41 pm

    Cats are the top of their worlds or at least act that way. But dogs show more emotions. With a bark, growl, snarl, of at least the emotions they have learned from the cat… I don’t give a damn, just leave me alone. Love the post.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 15 2012 12:06 am

      Cats = self esteem run amok. Dogs seem more practical (and are interested in who brings the food.) Thanks for pawsing to chat.

      Like

  11. robpixaday / Apr 14 2012 7:40 pm

    Profound!

    So true, so important.
    Thank you, Your Royal Paw-ness, for another gem. :)

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 15 2012 4:27 pm

      RC Cat: “We graciously accept your kind words. We commend your appreciation of Our efforts and award a soft paw pat.”

      Like

  12. rumpydog / Apr 15 2012 2:39 am

    Isn’t it funny how humans and their “rational intelligence” are the most irrational creatures on the planet.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Apr 15 2012 4:40 pm

      Well put, Rumpydog. Maybe staying inside so much dulls the thought processes? Thanks for tossing that thought this way.

      Like

  13. The Hook / Apr 16 2012 2:00 pm

    You have true gift, my friend; a virtual walk with you is unforgettable.

    Like

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